MrsKing

This afternoon my husband's friend came over so we decided to go somewhere for some drinks. I'm OK with being around people drinking and being in places where I used to drink, so that wasn't the issue. I was quite happy sipping my tonic water and lime, happily chatting and enjoying being with two people whose company I like. The problem came after we'd been there for a couple of hours, when a man I had never even met before came up to my husband and me and laughed and talked of a time I had been drunk in there before, making comments that were rude and unnecessary (I thought) - he had obviously been speaking to the landlord, who had already had the same conversation with me when we first arrived. I didn't mind so much from him because yes, the last time I was there I made a complete fool of myself and was totally hammered, so I laughed it off. But he must have told this man and had a giggle about it and he thought it was appropriate to come up to me and say all of this.

I know I'm totally overreacting but after saying "I really don't want to talk about it," he still continued and I wanted to cry. I've been sober for 3 months and 1 week now and I know I can't rewrite history but I just wish people would allow me to sort of move on... and I know that I can't expect people to tread on eggshells because I'm sober but, gah, I just wish it wasn't thrown back in my face.

Anyway, I decided to walk back alone because every time someone started laughing and was looking vaguely in my direction I felt as though they were laughing at me and felt like the landlord had told EVERYONE. So I'm at home now feeling like I'm never going to wear off this 'drunken idiot' reputation.

Sorry to post about something totally useless, but it's just got to me this evening.

EXM6

I've definitely been there. A line I got use to saying to friends and partners was "you just keep that memory all for you," because I luckily didn't remember.

I know it sucks right now, it really truly does. Embarrassment is probably one of the worst emotions ever. Fortunately, the story gets old, life goes on, other people make asses out of themselves, and people have other things going on. While they will never forget completely they definitely will move on. Especially if you're not giving them new drunken stories to talk about. If it ever feels like there are those one or two people who don't move on... That really is THERE problem, not yours. People make mistakes... ALL people; including those retelling the stories about you.

Keep your head up! Make them wonder why you're still smiling.

Gerbosko

People who do that to others have to mock others and focus attention on someone else so they themselves don't look like the fool. They're what you call a troll. They make others feel bad so they can feel good about themselves. That person probably has severe personal problems or alcohol problems and just wants to make others feel like he does, like crap.

3 months is amazing and I'm really happy for you. Don't let this ruin you, you're going up-hill while that guy is going down hill. You're by far the better person .

MrsKing

Thanks EXM6 I'm generally OK with people laughing at me for things I've done when I'm drunk... because I know I can't change it and I know that I can't hide from the fact that it was me and I did it... but that's when it's people I know, people who were there... having a stranger laugh at me was very humiliating! I know people talk and you're right... there will be new mistakes and new embarrassing stories and mine will fade with time (hopefully) but it's just disheartening when you try so hard to better yourself and others are still laughing at you... ... boo, just feeling sorry for myself. Need to get over it

PS - I saw the quote in your signature a couple of days ago and was going to comment about how much I absolutely adore it and say it to myself often. It's my wallpaper on my laptop very wise words!

MrsKing

I know what you're saying and if it was anyone else posting this I'd probably be giving the same advice. I would never, ever say such things to anyone whether I knew them well or not - I don't take pleasure in making others feel small and embarrassed. He obviously did. I wish I could just take it with a pinch of salt, but tonight it's just got to me!

Thanks I'll try and keep that in mind

EXM6

I definitely agree with Gerbosko... It's definitely so true! A close friend poking a bit of fun, between the two of you is one thing... but a complete stranger is something else. Usually these people lack enough wit to come up with their own jokes, and exactly like what was said -- trying to focus on someone else's flaws. It's kinda just mean. We all know there is no sort of art or effort that goes into being mean. It's easy. Some people can only do easy unfortunately.

It is a great quote hey? I was looking through quotes on the internet and came across this one... It was definitely inspiring. I some times repeat it to myself when I need it to, and it's also the background of my laptop. I'm happy you like it!

auden67

I agree with Gerbo, people who bring up embarrassing stories about others tend to covering for themselves, or looking for desperate ways to fit in. Hold your head high. You are doing a great thing for yourself. And I always think of this quote from Ian McLaren when I think of mean folks: “Let us be kind, one to another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.” They might not realize that, but I can.

Hope the rest of your evening goes well. You have so much to be proud of yourself for!

Stride34

Don't take this the wrong way, but this isn't that important, nor are you or they. The truth is they don't care. At all. Really.

hypochondriac

One of the things I've often noticed is that most people seem to see drunk stories as the only entertainment they have. Just a bit of light hearted banter. I noticed it when I was drinking because I was always careful to avoid being one. When people have brought up my drunk stories I have always been mortified, not least because it highlighted a problem I hadn't dealt with yet. And when I heard other peoples drunk stories I was always mortified because they just really aren't funny. So many accidents happen when people are drunk and there really isn't anything funny about alcoholism.

You should be immensely proud of yourself MrsKing. You have been sober for no short period of time and can take pride in the fact that you have tackled a problem full on. That takes guts. Well done on 3 months and one week

MrsKing

I understand it's not 'important', which is why I apologised for this being a useless post... but sometimes it's nice to be able to discuss things with people who may have been in the same situation when you're feeling low about something.

MrsKing

Thanks so much that's very kind of you!

Oh how I wish I had been careful to avoid being a drunken story... that would have made things much easier! I understand that it's about banter and entertainment, and tonight I was probably just more sensitive than usual for some reason. But you're right... there is nothing funny about alcoholism, at all.

Thanks again for your kind words

MrsKing

Thanks I'm so glad I wrote this here, I feel such relief now... I don't feel so wrapped up in the idea that I've really embarrassed myself but more that it's just not worth being upset over... I don't think I'll be going back there for a long while, though.

That's a good quote, too!

Stride34

I know MrsKing! I'm not putting down this post in any way, I get it and I appreciate it. I've been there. Just trying to help you step out of the movie on repeat going on in your head

laurie6781

(((((MrsKing)))))

Yes I do understand. It will get better, honest.

And for those that cannot let it go, the next time, you look thme in the eye and you say:

"I am changing, when are you going to start?"

Then turn away from them. I found that that usually did the trick and no more was mentioned about my drunken escapades.

Hope that helps a bit.

Love and hugs,

Dee74

I'm glad you feel better MrsKing...and Lauries comeback is about the best I've heard yet for that kind of situation

D

Jitterbugg

I have many embarrassing drunken moments that haunt me, but when I think about it, who doesn't? For every one of my regrets, I can think of one for someone else I know. You don't have to be an alcoholic to make an ass of yourself!

Anna

It's hard being the brunt of jokes when you are working hard to improve yourself.

To be honest, that's one of the reasons I avoided people and places where I used to drink.

Hevyn

MrsKing - It's important to us if it upset you. That's one of the reasons we're here - to support & uplift each other when these challenges come along. It's rude and pathetic of people to entertain themselves by bringing up old news.

I'm sure many people in my life have had something to say about my previous behavior - I've just been lucky no one's said it to my face. It would have bothered me when I was newly recovering, but now I'm much stronger. You will rise above all the negativity, MrsKing - just keep on your path. We are proud of you.

(I like Laurie's comeback, too....)

IndaMiricale

Your not overreacting but try not to let it bother you. I see that you have moved on, its those people that have not.

mecanix

I find it's worth having a few outlandish stories in reserve based on half truths for when people are being annoying "i used to get so drunk i'd muddle up the toilet and the washing basket , it used to take ages to get my jeans to flush away ". I do tend to tackle things head on and not worry what others think of me though .