flutter

Hmm. I'm a social worker. I never thought about my job really as I was fighting for my life, entering recovery. I take a lot of pride in the work I've done on myself to recover from alcoholism. You have a LOT going on. Maybe start with a counselor (I saw an addictions specialist for 6 months, a few times a week) to talk one on one about the depression and family stuff, attend some meetings and surrender to the help recovered folks can provide you.

I help people for a living.. I am MUCH better at my job now that I've helped myself for once. My life was in shambles too.. and now it's not. It's possible for every alcoholic.

DisplacedGRITS

Don't worry about never drinking again. Just don't drink today. When i think about the enormity of never drinking again i feel as if the world is suddenly about to crash down upon me. When i think about not drinking today, it's not a problem! You know what that is? Being present. Start learning that. Yesterday is yesterday, tomorrow is tomorrow but you live in today. Don't try to live in tomorrow or yesterday. It's impossible and will only drive you crazy. As long as you don't drink today, every today, you'll be fine. It's important to anticipate future triggers (birthdays, holidays, etc) so you can prepare but preparation and anticipation are two different things. Don't get too caught up in the future.

As for the meetings, someone here last week said they were at a meeting where there was an off duty cop in full uniform there. It's Alcoholics Anonymous, not just Alcoholics. It's good that you're scared. You should be. We all were. It's a major friggin' life change you're talking about. You're world's been upside down for a long time and you're talking about turning it rightside up. How about you not put the meeting off and go to the the soonest one you can so you don't give yourself time to build up more fear and chicken out? Now's as good a time as any to start learning to live in the present with sobriety. You've got it in you. You've already begun taking the steps. Don't stagnate. Keep moving forward and the more you move, the more momentum you'll gain and before you know it you'll be walking down a path of sobriety you never even knew was there. If it happened for me it can happen for anyone. Welcome to SR and take care. I look forward to hearing from you, Roselian. You can do this.

Sapling

Not compared to what you are doing Roselian....This is your life you are talking about...Get to a meeting and don't drink today.

sugarbear1

How did you become employed without finishing that paper for school?

Roselian

I got a job after a unpaid internship , Now I am on holiday and can party ; ).

I will start working again this fall. They normally only hire people with a bachelorsdegree but I have been working there for quite some time.

2granddaughters

You just do not understand

Ha, good one. An alcoholic that doesn’t understand an alcoholic !!

You are telling my story to a tee !! I got all my self-worth from my job... and my alcoholism was about to take that away.
And the very cure, AA, was out of the question in my case ??!! B.S.

Get to a meeting and you'll hear your story told over and over. We all understand.

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND ..... HELP IS THERE, JUST CALL !!

All the best.

Bob R

Gravesmeister

Here is one thing to think about and I don't know if anyone else agrees. There are two ways you can look at this.
1. If you are good at your job now just think how good you'll be once you have better tools to help people with drug addiction and alcoholism from going to meetings.
2. If someone you know sees you there just tell them that you are there to get a better perspective on the kind of people you are helping.
I have seen people in meetings that aren't there for themselves. Sometimes they go to understand what their loved ones are going through. That way at least you have an explanation if anyone you know sees you there!!

Gerbosko

I woke up everyday for 6 years, beer cans scattered around my room or around my apartment, and I was majorly depressed and had thoughts about not living no more. If I was happy when I was drinking, it was a mask in public and I was hiding all of my personal problems from other people with my false intentions to make my life seem good. I've been black out drunk at bars, black out drunk at home, and I never knew if I'd ever wake up the next morning.. I too, was living a fake and utterly disgusting life. When I hid my drinking from others, I would find spots in my room or apartment to hide cans if someone came over and I'd always act like everything was going great.

Then it came to me, I woke up one morning and told myself enough is enough. I made a promise to myself to never drink again, but I found that thought impossible. I did a google search and came across Sober Recovery, and that was on October 17th, 2011. Guess what? The uplifting support was like diving into a group of people who knew what you were going through. This support and active community helped get me sober and helped me on my journey. Although I no longer really need the support, I try to help others in need when I can.

So basically I guess what I'm trying to say is that I first gave up on myself during my 6 years until I faced the fact that I had a huge problem with alcohol. Once I faced the fact (which you did), I told myself enough is enough and quit. It wasn't easy, but it's the best thing I've ever did for myself. I'm happier, active, and I can go to bed remembering the entire day.. I want you to experience this, Roselian. The gift of sobriety is your choice, we can only give you recommendations. You need to take action for yourself and we can only give you advice to move forward. Reading SR is inspiring, but it's not inspiring when you're doing nothing for yourself outside of the forum. Take action, take back your life, and move on towards a better, happier you.

Jitterbugg

You will not have a job very much longer if you keep drinking. I thought the same way. I would show up to work just to get a paycheck and performance was terrible. I doubt you could be that good at your job if you are a mental wreck/hungover all the time.

katrinka

SR has been the help I needed to quit (6 months). I knew AA wasn't for me because of the same reasons as yours so I did it on my own but I spent hours here on SR reading and posting every day in the beginning. AA is not for everybody, that doesn't mean you can't quit without it!

CraigA

What advise would you give if you were your patient? Even if someone saw you they would be there for the same reason, huh! Funny how our mind keeps us trapped.

Greeny

I identify with being really good, often stellar, on the job and being highly regarded for it. (I too work in a helping profession.) But at home an entirely different person emerged, a selfish, sick, and self neglecting drunk who certainly could have benefited from the services I was dedicated to providing during the day.

I live in a large city, so it is easy to go to meetings anonymously. I haven't yet gone since coming back but I would be stronger for it. Meanwhile this forum is very helpful in a real rather then virtual way. I would recommend it to anyone who for whatever reason cannot make a meeting.

Greeny

I identify with this as well!

Charmie

[QUOTE=Roselian;3478558]I got a job after a unpaid internship , Now I am on holiday and can party ; ).

crack on then...a bit more experimentation may just bring you to the place where you see that outside "stuff" ie. jobs,relationships,money etc will not fix us.
ive a couple of friends who work for social work in AA...one of them ended up arrested for attempted murder...she got a lesser charge later on.
she was supported throughout getting help.
i have a sponsee who is a charge nurse....head of an old folks home...same with her...she got honest and her employers did everything they could to support her.
its common practise now as employers have a duty of care.
i had lots of jobs when i was performing...and believed in my delousion that nobody knew what i was at...ha...they soon told me all about what they knew when i went to make amends!
ive just got a job working with people with learning disabilities and God forbid i ever got this kind of work when i was sick and in my cups...that kind of job and social work...nursing....in fact any kind of caring profession we are dealing with some of Gods most vunerable and broken kids....what about the selfishness and self-centredness surrounding YOU needing YOUR job because its the only thing that keeps YOU right...what about the people in dire need of these services that deserve someone more than willing and ABLE to give 100%......
booze is only a symptom of my alcoholism...selfishness and self-centredness is at the root of my sickness....this i learned in AA when i was totally DONE....willing to go to any lengths to stop and get well...it was only when i really wanted to die that i got to that place...i had given up on all things human...jobs,relationships,family....i knew that none of these could no longer "fix" me.

Innerchild

When I was in the hospital bawling my eyes out to one of the therapists about my drinking problem the next week I saw her at a meeting she ran over to me gave me a hug said nothing. My sponsor works in drug counseling and she is also in AA. Look on the positive side, you can help others bc you have been there. Maybe if someone sees you in there they will find relief you are also human.

EXM6

Roselian... I was a substance use and addictions counselor for youth when I hit my bottom. I, like you, thought if I sought help I would lose my job. I come from a very small city. Not only was I raised in the social system as a foster kid, I was educated in the social system in college and university, and I worked in the social system. Everyone knows me. Because I didn't get help, all these people had to find out anyway because I ended up losing my job due to alcohol. Not because I showed up drunk at work or anything to do with my work but because of behaviours I had when I was blacked out drunk.

I hate to say this but if you're getting to the point where your personal life is chaos, your house is trashed etc. It is ONLY a matter of time before your alcohol use seeps into your professional life. It may not be tomorrow or even a year from now, but if you do not seek help... It will happen.

I have not went to AA. Instead I go see an addictions counselor. One of my friends from college is the intake worker for this organization. Imagine what that was like? It sounds terrifying, and it was... but she was AMAZING. Anyone who works in the social service field that would judge you for your problem, should NOT be working in the field. That would indicate they don't believe people can change and if they believe that wtf are they doing helping people??

You STILL have your job but it sounds like you have a lot more going on than you can handle... You need to seek some help. I wish I had.

onlythetruth

You seem to think that AA is your only choice. It is not. There are numerous other support groups (including SMART Recovery which has great, and totally anonymous, online meetings) and many of the people here use SR (which is also totally anonymous) as their only support.

Don't tie your recovery to something you think you don't want to do. Frankly, that's your addiction talking!!!

MrLofg0029

You and your alcoholism are not terminally unique. Every single alcoholic/addict thinks that their drinking and their situation is unique and that argument is used to justify the perceived hopelessness of their particular situation.

I know of at least 6 social workers in my local AA community. I know lawyers, judges, police officers, firemen, scientists (to include myself), doctors, nurses, engineers, university professors, college athletes, etc. that are in the program.

Common, but baseless reasons for not seeking help are:
- I'm too smart, too stupid for it to work
- I still have X, Y, and Z in my life and so I'm not really an alcoholic or don't need help.
- I'm married, dating, single and my spouse does or doesn't know
- I'll get fired or nobody will hire me if they know (discrimination is possible, but it's also illegal if you're currently employed)
- I can't have people in my community know (it is an anonymous program, in my experience that's honored).
- I can't relate to the individuals I've seen at AA meetings (you're either not open minded or you've not found the right meetings)
- I can do this one my own, I just do or don't need X, Y, and Z beforehand (If this was the case, why hasn't it happened yet. There's a difference between abstinence and sober recovery)

If you don't think you're ready for AA or recovery, then keep drinking until you are. If you're like most of us, you'll reach a point were recovery is the best option when you've nothing left to lose. Addiction is not sustainable or consistent with life (i.e. surviving).

Don't focus on never drinking again. Don't drink today, and worry about tomorrow's drink tomorrow.

The alcohol obsession fades with increasing time in recovery. My sponsor (and at times myself) can walk into any establishment that sells alcohol (if there's a non-drinking reason to be there) and not feel the urge to drink.

I know so many recovering alcoholics that have lost jobs, lost families, dealt with financial debts and lost everything - in recovery, they get it all back and more. That's something I look at to reassure myself that no matter what happens, as long as I stay sober and recovering, I'll be just fine!

It's simple but not easy and worth every moment. You cannot imagine how much better your life will get.

pinkdog

Don't give up! Alcohol is a depressant. Life is much better without it. There are meetings here. Check out the calendar at the top of the page. You can do this! :ghug3

LosingmyMisery

When I lost my "jobs" it wasn't due to having a drinking problem and seeking help. I lost my "jobs" because I had a drinking problem.