Sunshine19

Hi! I signed up today in an attempt to learn from others and get a perspective on my drinking. Let me start by saying, I am weary of saying that I want to quit drinking all together. I need to stop BINGE drinking. But is this the same thing? I am a 28 year old graduate student and I also work as a server at a restaurant. I have always been a social drinker. Over the years, it has gone from drinking on the weekends to drinking a few nights a week. It also has changed from having hangovers and swearing to never drink again, to being able to drink the next morning to cure the hangover. This does not happen everyday, however, the instances are getting closer and closer together. I have a boyfriend and we have been to together for almost a year and are in a very healthy, loving relationship. He is also a partier. We have a lot of friends who are constantly asking us to come out "for one drink". It also doesn't help that we are friends with a lot of people I work with and having a shift drink after a serving shift is easy to do with a bar right there. Needless to say, that "one drink" always turns into more and we usually end up being the last ones at the bar. This has affected my graduate internship and his job because we have been late or missed days. We both have gained weight from not only the drinks but then binge eating on hangover days. We have not saved any money because we are constantly spending it on food and drink. This is the first time in my life I have started to be a little late on bills. I have turned in some homework late and got my first "B" in graduate school this past semester after two years of straight A's. I spend a lot of time worrying and feeling anxious about my drinking, having no money, gaining weight, our future, having kids, etc. I want to have a good future and don't want alcohol to be the biggest part of my life, however, is it necessary to completely give it up? Will I ever be able to have just one or two drinks? Or do I need to quit cold turkey? I have tried in the past to stay sober for one or two weeks after a binge, or before a big event, but I have never made the full time. Every single one of my friends drinks and I probably get a phone call at least every other day, if not everyday to go out. But those folks usually end up going home before me, because once I am out I want to stay out. I am usually depressed every day after a night of drinking, but then start to feel better as days go on and then I go out drinking again. Or, if I am still kind of drunk on a hangover day, I'll just start drinking again (this has only happened a handful of times, but still, it scares me). I don't know where to start. I have told my boyfriend a few times that I am not going to drink for a week, or two, or whatever the case may be and have always broken it so I feel silly telling him that again. However, he needs to be included in this because we are together all of the time. But how will I stop drinking if he doesn't want to quit completely? Need some motivation, help, answers, similar stories, please! Thank you all!

Sapling

Welcome to SR Sunshine19...Your drinking doesn't sound normal...I know I'm an alcoholic...The only one that can tell you that you are...Is you. I know some binge drinkers in AA...I was a daily drinker myself...And they always say the same thing..The binges got closer and closer together. I'll tell you what is a good test to get an idea what kind of hold alcohol has on you...Don't drink for 90 days....If you can do that and feel fine...Alcohol is not your problem...If you can't or you feel restless, irritable and discontent...Than alcohol is a problem and one that you should look into addressing...Because alcoholism is progressive...And it can kill you....Or at least ruin your life. It did a job on mine before I quit fighting it. Glad to have you here!

justhadenough

Hi, welcome to SR.

I don't have answers for you I'm afraid, I'm also very new to this.

your post reminds me of me though and I've highlighted the 2 points that really stand out for me. I think the 2nd point answers your question

I know for me, I can't stop once I start. I don't want to stop once I start. 1 or 2 drinks doesn't do anything, the more the merrier

I'm 37 now and it's taken me 20 years and 3 stone in weight, bloat, red puffy face, lines, many many bad experiences both professional and personal to realize it

I hope you find peace sooner. good luck.x

Sunshine19

Thank you everyone! Keep them coming

lily007

Sunshine - I'm also new and I don;t have all the answers but I can share why I'm here, I am like you in the same boat that I also work at a restaurant. Last night was my first night saying "no" to the frequent shots that were sent my way (It's my third day of not drinking and I haven't made any announcement that I've stopped or anything, I just gave them away blaming the heat) but your drinking sounds like mine. I know the fact that I find it nearly impossible to go out and just have 1 or 2 - and it never happens anyway. After work, several cocktails are always in orderBut I've known for a long time that waking up in the morning and having another drink to alleviate the hangover and I'm thanking God I have some left because it works faster and better than ibuprofen. I started out only drinking Thursdays and Saturdays in college and now at 30, I'm drinking with friends or alone several nights a week and heavily. I've cancelled so many plans and been late and missed work. I've also gained weight from all the alcohol calories and not caring the next day or when I'm drunk about what I ate. I know plenty of people who are moderate drinkers and they do not do any of these things. For me, quitting altogether is the only thing I haven't tried and now I'm committed to doing just that. Hang in there and give it a shot with me!

lily007

P.S. I know how easily that 1 shift drink turns into several and then a stop at another bar. I have come home many nights blowing half of what I have made on impromptu bar tours and more alcohol for when I come home.

I'd love to know how much money I've spent in total. Probably enough for several all out European vacations.

Woot86

I could probably buy a ferrari for all the money I have blown on drinking/drugs-

artsoul

Welcome, Sunshine!

Your post sounds so familiar. I never seemed to be able to walk away either - I always wanted just one more (or ten). Some of us just don't have an "off button."

It takes courage to admit our problem and reach out for support. You took a really positive step today by doing that. We know what it feels like to be caught in a vicious cycle, wondering why we keep doing the same thing over and over. We can recover, though and things really do get better. Keep reading and posting - we're here for ya!

Sunshine19

lily007...it sounds like we are in the same boat. I too spend most of the money I make on drinking the same night that I make it. It's like I am working to drink. Why do I work so hard then blow it? I have bills to pay, but that never seems to matter once the second drink sets in. I am waiting until my boyfriend gets home from work to talk to him about everything and see if he is willing to do this with me. Do you have a goal for yourself? Like see if you can make it a certain amount of time or are you just going day by day?

Thanks artsoul as well for the support I feel like I definitely do not have an "off" button.

justhadenough

Please don't be put off doing it even if your bf doesn't want to get sober with you. Though, hopefully he will be supportive of you

Sunshine19

He is very supportive and I'm not planning to put it off. I just know that if he were to do it with me, it would be that much easier...Thanks

lily007

Yes, I do have several goals. I moved to my area about a year ago and have put off establishing my career in a new state (NJ as opposed to another state I moved from). I grabbed a restaurant job for quick money and soon found myself in all the bad habits from college. Working late, partying late, blowing my money, being hungover. I'm so tired of it. I am 30 and feel as if my life is just passing me by and constantly drinking and putting things off is weighing on me. I'm at the point, I'm unhappy drinking and unhappy sober. I just want to fix all this and it seems many of my problems and lack of motivation stem from alcohol. The only thing left for me to do is stop and get my priorities in order. And I really need to eventually get out of the restaurant. Being constantly surrounded by invitations to go out, free drinks, etc is going to be a challenge. I'm going to need a lot of willpower and support. I don't even know how/when/why to explain to everyone why the girl who's always up for a drink doesn't want one anymore. I can admit to myself that I am an alcoholic, but how and when to everyone else?

pauladmits

I wish I would have caught the problem at the point you are now. Just listen to what people are saying on this site. If you do not stop it will get MUCH worse. Your health will start to be an issue, your social life will start to suffer, you will start drinking throughout the day just to prevent the hangover. I myself was able to pretty much hide it and live a functional life, but it was eating away at my heart and soul and slowly starting to take one part of my life after another until I realized I didn't have much left.

I'm 28 also, was a major binge drinker late in college in the fraternity and for years after that. But I was also able to hold a great job, have tons of friends, and just live a social drinking life. But it catches up to you and sooner or later it gets the better of you.

Best advice from me and only in my opinion is to try and take a month off. Tell your boyfriend to join you and tell your friends that's what you are doing. If you can't do it, then you know you have a problem. That's where you can start finding solutions. This site has been an awesome solution for me, many people have AA or other programs, etc. But most importantly start studying the problem... you do not want it to get any worse!!

Sunshine19

Lily-same problem. How to explain to them. I did try to quit for two weeks not to long ago and one of my best friends kind of gave me a hard time about it. Saying, "why can't you just go out and have one or two? You don't need to keep going" I tried to explain to her that that was the problem! That after two I want to keep going!

lily007

I understand. People who don't drink like me don't understand that once you open that door, avalanche comes in. I've had a family member make the remark to me that "Why can't I just have or two?" (after a particularly wasted, loud Christmas Eve night - and I know I was being obnoxious). I wish they knew I didn't mean to get like that. I'm tired of the embarrassment of this all too.

Inca

Your post sounds familiar to me too, although you sound like I did about three years ago. I spent most of my time, out with friends at the bar or at dinner with wine. The whole crew drank so I was just like them right? It never really occured to me that while they were having 3, I was having 10 and then going home and having 10 more because I didn't want to spend anymore money at the bar. I was being financially responsible (lol)

I always said I would stop binge drinking, but I just couldn't do it! Once I had one, it's like something took over and I was on autopilot. Eventually it turned into morning drinking and then once I became aware that I couldn't have just 3, I started getting embarrassed to go out with people anymore and started isolating/drinking by myself instead. It was not a pretty path to go down emotionally. Hopefully you won't get to that point and can mitigate it now.

I like the idea of trying to quit for a month or two and seeing what happens. It will give you a pretty good idea of what's going on. I know I tried numerous times to quit for even a week and it felt like the world was coming to an end. That's when I knew I had issues with alcohol.

CaiHong

Hi Sunshine,
it is so much easier in the long run to surrender, admit you can't drink responsibly, find a program, commit to it and get sober.

I didn't realize this over a year ago, when I got sober but I did do the above in the hope that it would work and it has and I never want to go back to drinking, I am enjoying the freedom to much.
All the best
CaiHong

MrsKing

Wow... I actually could have written this 3 months ago. I could probably have written it for the last 3 or so years. I had exactly the same problem - I was a serious binge drinker, once I started I wouldn't want to stop (and until the end, I wanted to stay out all night, too, but then I started enjoying drinking at home alone the most and that was what really highlighted my problem to me) and on hangover days I used to binge eat and feel depressed. I, too, very occasionally drank in the mornings if I still felt drunk when I woke up. You sound so scarily like I was and I really feel for you.

Only you know whether you have a drinking problem or not. All I can say is that you sound incredibly familiar to me and I can't tell you how quickly things went down hill from the point you are at now to the point I was at three months ago - absolute rock bottom. I'd probably say it took me about a year and a half to go from 'occasionally drinking when I woke up' to drinking all night through until midday (honestly) - my tolerance got higher and higher but I would still drink until I hit that oblivion point... the point I craved. I can't even see what the hell that was now - a drunken blackout, I guess. I just could not stop myself once I started... and it just spiralled out of control.

I'm glad you're here at SR. There's so much help and support here and perhaps through reading through more threads you will understand whether you're like us or not. I tried to control my drinking for a long time, and it just didn't work. It would always end up backfiring and I'd end up getting drunker than ever. Being sober has given me a new life (and I can't stress this enough - everything in my life has changed in three months and I can't believe it) and I'm happy now. I'm beginning to learn to love myself.

You don't have to stay in the position you're in... you can change it. If we can do this, you can, too.