mjcman

detox and explained how it was a disease and i didnt understand and i needed to stay on a program i didnt listen so he wrote me a script for a few weeks that was it... as soon after that i became addiced again taking more and more then i realized omg i 21 years old im engaged to a beautiful woman that didnt know i had an addiction and i was scared to tell her that i had an issue bc i thought she would judge me and leave me so i needed to stop and went back to this doctor he didnt take my insurance no more so now im picking it up off the suboxone off the streets im taking high does of suboxone the i started too taper down about 4mg a day....one day on june 1 2012 i ran out of subs and any type of opaite and i was broke so i look at my self in the mirror and i realized i was no longer the muscle man i used to be no longer the son that my parents raised me to be no longer a good fiancee and i needed to take that leap! so i called my parents told them i needed rehab but then i was like you know what im going to face these demons and beat them on my own cold turkey!... i told my fiancee and she looked at me in the eyes and said i love you and i will be here for you and she was!!! it was a relief knowing she would!!! every sec of every minute felt like a hr hrs seem like days but i took it one day at a time.... and i did something i never ever did before this addiction was beating me and i didnt know what to do it felt to powerful i was giving in i got on my knees and prayed and prayed and prayed asked god to forgive me asked him take me back asked god to guide me and help me he felt my pain he felt my sincerity and he helped me it took me 21 days of hell! but i prayed from morning to night and if it wasnt because of that i wouldnt be addiction free i feel so amazing! i have no depression no more anxiety like all my problems taken away my addiction is no longer no craving no desires my outlook on life changed my anger insecurties my doubts i wanted to live im here for a reason it was clear that i didnt have to morry god is no guiding me... we all are herre for a reason ! i needed to go through hell to see what life ment everything became so clear i felt him on me him guiding me! also i stared to get signs too many to be quiescence my uncle vito died at 34 years old of skin cancer i was just a little boy i didnt remeber much about him but he died on my birthday jan 3 when i was only 9 years old and i never think about him becuase its been 12 yea rs since passed and i was too young to know him... well on june 25 i woke up and i felt a presence in me in my heart my soul and i felt protected then his named popped in my head and a sense of touch in my heart and i understood that he was protecting me and then knw everything would be ok.. but it gets crazier i call my father and i ask him "dad this is random but when was uncle vito born" and he said june 25 and im like wow today is june 25 i was so amazed what is the chances in that! this is what needed to become a man ...but however guess what im saying is have faith belive in your self belive in something greater thats going to help you look you enemy in the eye but say im going to defeat you and look on the enemy look down you are greater then any addiction we are here for a purpose and u have to belive that! you are a champ god bless you all ! please message me if u ever want to talk abou anything im always here to give a helping hand

hypochondriac

Well done on 37 days Mjcman!! x

Inca

Congratulations on your day count! Keep it going!