Question about husbands drinking
 

I am having a conversation with him right now about his drinking. I would like him to cut down bc it bothers me. He drinks daily (1 or 2), is rarely drunk, never drinks and drives, never has it effected his life negatively, never falling down drunk...etc.

Am I just uber sensitive bc I quit? We leave for vaca and last year he drank morning till night every day. Never getting noticably drunk. This year I told him I didn't want him doing that and he said its vacation and he is. Do I even have any right to tell him not to drink??

Please be as harsh as needed in responce bc I need an "outside my head" opionion of what is going on here.

His drinking is not your problem aeo....Simple as that.

Not trying to be harsh, but no, you don't have the right to tell him not to drink. He's an adult and can live his life in any way he sees fit. You, on the other hand, have the right to decide what you will or will not tolerate.

Is this a control situation? Ways that I want to play G-d?

Maybe I am just pissed off bc I am not drinking. Why does he get to drink daily on vacation while I am going to leave the condo daily for AA meetings.

These self-pity/anger feelings comes every few days. I think I need to call my sponsor and discuss.

How about talking about where you are at?...Vacation and working on your sobriety....Explain you are doing the best that you can ....Maybe he'll be a little bit more aware of his own drinking by doing so. See if you can find a good meeting where you're going in case you need one. Just don't drink...One day at a time...Work your program and and pray for strength getting through it...Other than that...Have fun!

My therapists wife is an alcoholic. Goes to AA. He is highly against drinking. When he told me she was drinking, I asked " You let that happen??" He said "I'm not her boss, I cant stop her. I can only tell her it bothers me, but if she's gonna drink, she's gonna drink."

Yes, a call to your sponsor and a meeting sounds like a good idea. When you decided to stop drinking, I assume you did it for yourself. Your husband did not make that commitment, which is his right.

You are still in early recovery and I remember being quite emotional about things at that time. It takes time to become truly comfortable with not drinking and to realize that we cannot control anyone other than ourselves. You'll be okay. Hang in there and concentrate on your own issues.

With all due respect, Sapling, a husband and father who occasionally stays out drinking until the early hours of the morning and drinks all day while on family vacation is most definitely a problem for the wife, regardless of whether she's a recovering addict.

Not a problem that should be used as a springboard for relapse, mind you, but a problem nonetheless.

I don't know...If this describes his drinking...I'd have to be able to deal with it...And I did deal with a lot worse.

He drinks daily (1 or 2), is rarely drunk, never drinks and drives, never has it effected his life negatively, never falling down drunk...etc.

Aeo, I don't think you have any right to expect your husband to change his behaviour. It would be nice if he did, but drinking is your problem, not his. And, as you said, he drinks on vacation, but is never noticeably drunk. So, it doesn't seem like it's a problem that affects the family.

He only did that once...last week...and the kids were gone.

It doesn't affect anyone. Except me, this year, when I am not drinking.

Maybe you're just stressed about the upcoming vacation and how it will be for you not drinking? Why don't you think about plans that you can do on holiday that will be fun and interesting for you - maybe take a tour, have a massage, whatever works for you. :)

I think you just need to get through it aeo...Use your AA support...Meetings...Phone calls...Use your SR support...Check in regularly here... and enjoy your vacation...You know you can't drink....Don't look for excuses to drink....If you use the support you have...And do what you know you have to do...You won't drink aeo....That's the way it is.

Bottom line...Have fun without drinking on your vacation...It can be done!!

He should respect you and your wishes.
At least on vacation not drink all day.
The fact that he can drink all day and not be noticeably drunk concerns me.
In order to do that you must have a pretty good tolerance built up.

He's not chugging...just having a beer here and there throughout the day

I plan on jet-skiing with my daughter...a lot!!!

aeo I understand how this could annoy you and I sometimes get irritated by it as well (why can I not drink? How can HE drink and be OK?) but I've realised that it's not worth it... all the negativity just ends up smacking me in the face when I'm all stressed out and annoyed and feeling like I'm hard done by. I know it's difficult but our husbands are not alcoholic and they can enjoy a drink sensibly and it adds enjoyment to their day. There's a reason why we don't drink... just take a few deep breaths (I know, I know... sometimes it just doesn't work) and try to look at it through different eyes - you are going on holiday! You'll have a great time. Your husband will have a great time. Try not to concern yourself with alcohol... focus instead on the good times you'll have. Hope you enjoy!