3 Weeks in, revelations and obsessions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 5
3 Weeks in, revelations and obsessions
It's been 3 weeks since I had my last drink....woke up peeing on the floor which, inexplicably, was becoming a regular habit.
Emotional inventory has been interesting, and I was wondering how normal some of the thoughts/feeling are. The short story: For the past 15 years I've drank at least 6 beers/or equivalent nearly every day. I have quit several times but tend to pick up right where I left off. Over the last two years, it's been 8-10 beers a night and 12-13 on weekend nights.
Over the last 21 days I have thought about the past obsessively (something I didn't do when I drank). I've thought a lot about people I knew in HS, College, etc. Bizarre dreams including these people. Continual thoughts about my childhood, parent's divorce, past sexual relationships, old lovers etc. These thoughts have led to revelations.
1st: every time I quit drinking, I tend to get interested in competitive sports. No idea why. Of course, this is a good thing as I've gotten in better shape. I realized last week that I started drinking regularly when competitive baseball and tennis were no longer a part of my life. I have no idea of the connection.
2nd: I wonder if this isn't alcohol accompanied with some type of "goodbye youth" crisis as I recently became a father. The amount that I have thought about ex-loves, etc has been alarming.
The cravings are hardly there, but I know they'll return. The main things making me want to drink are the obsessive thoughts that seem to be taking the place of obsessive drinking. I want the thoughts and the dreams to go away.
But, I'm so proud of the 21 days.
Emotional inventory has been interesting, and I was wondering how normal some of the thoughts/feeling are. The short story: For the past 15 years I've drank at least 6 beers/or equivalent nearly every day. I have quit several times but tend to pick up right where I left off. Over the last two years, it's been 8-10 beers a night and 12-13 on weekend nights.
Over the last 21 days I have thought about the past obsessively (something I didn't do when I drank). I've thought a lot about people I knew in HS, College, etc. Bizarre dreams including these people. Continual thoughts about my childhood, parent's divorce, past sexual relationships, old lovers etc. These thoughts have led to revelations.
1st: every time I quit drinking, I tend to get interested in competitive sports. No idea why. Of course, this is a good thing as I've gotten in better shape. I realized last week that I started drinking regularly when competitive baseball and tennis were no longer a part of my life. I have no idea of the connection.
2nd: I wonder if this isn't alcohol accompanied with some type of "goodbye youth" crisis as I recently became a father. The amount that I have thought about ex-loves, etc has been alarming.
The cravings are hardly there, but I know they'll return. The main things making me want to drink are the obsessive thoughts that seem to be taking the place of obsessive drinking. I want the thoughts and the dreams to go away.
But, I'm so proud of the 21 days.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
There is grieving in recovery, we often don't recognize it.
If you attend AA meetings, you will hear your story told often around the table and the lights will come on.
All the best.
Bob R
If you attend AA meetings, you will hear your story told often around the table and the lights will come on.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Mayflower, AR
Posts: 416
Congrats on the 21 days!!!!!! 
Keep up the good work and don't be afraid of the thoughts, I went through that phase when I quit drinking and came out the other end feeling more peaceful than I had felt in a long time. I put a lot of old issues to rest, said good-bye to old loves and relationships, and wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. Don't look back too long, look ahead to your new life, sober, active, and proud father.
Keep up the good work and don't be afraid of the thoughts, I went through that phase when I quit drinking and came out the other end feeling more peaceful than I had felt in a long time. I put a lot of old issues to rest, said good-bye to old loves and relationships, and wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. Don't look back too long, look ahead to your new life, sober, active, and proud father.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Congratulations on 21 days sober.
The obsessive thoughts will disappear. I was consumed with thoughts about drinking, but when I truly accepted that drinking was no longer an option, my mind began to calm. Hang in there.
The obsessive thoughts will disappear. I was consumed with thoughts about drinking, but when I truly accepted that drinking was no longer an option, my mind began to calm. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Well done on 21 days Jerome, and welcome to SR
Some of the emotional stuff in early recovery is fascinating. I have learned to just go with it. As long as I don't drink these things will pass.
This is a life changing experience so it's only natural that there will be some weird feelings to start of with.
Glad you're here x
Some of the emotional stuff in early recovery is fascinating. I have learned to just go with it. As long as I don't drink these things will pass.
This is a life changing experience so it's only natural that there will be some weird feelings to start of with.
Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Congrats on 21 days.
For me, drinking stopped me having to think about things and has enabled me to block things out for the last 20 years. Stopping drinking did bring old memories to the surface,specifically made me realize that many of my failures, professional and personal, were precisely because of my drink problem. No point having regrets though, just look at now but it is perfectly normal to reflect.
For me, drinking stopped me having to think about things and has enabled me to block things out for the last 20 years. Stopping drinking did bring old memories to the surface,specifically made me realize that many of my failures, professional and personal, were precisely because of my drink problem. No point having regrets though, just look at now but it is perfectly normal to reflect.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome and well done on your sobreity....
It took me about 2 months before I felt in balance physically
and mentally. Yes....I do remember having "flashbacks" of sorts
but they did calm down to simple memories.
All my best to you as you continue to move ahead...
Blessings to your new child....a sober Dad is a priceless gift.
It took me about 2 months before I felt in balance physically
and mentally. Yes....I do remember having "flashbacks" of sorts
but they did calm down to simple memories.
All my best to you as you continue to move ahead...
Blessings to your new child....a sober Dad is a priceless gift.
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