SoulforMySoul

So I've been doing pretty well until today. My bf left to be with family for a bit and normally when he leaves I go party with my friends. This ensures that I'm not alone and that I also and nice and drunk when it's time for bed so I don't feel lonely. Instead of going to drink I stayed home but I am driving myself crazy. I am so emotional and lonely. I know he will be back tomorrow but without someone here I have so much anxiety. I'm not looking for advice so much as I just needed to vent. I talk myself into thinking that I don't deserve him in the first place and I should be okay by myself. That me needing him to be here makes me weak, and why would he want someone that is dependent on him to be happy? My self esteem is so low that I don't even want to be around me right now.

soberbrooke

I am dealing with those same issues. My esteem is so low. My life is a mess. However, it really helps me to help other people. I find myself coming out of low esteem when I do. When I just post things that I can relate to on this site, my mind gets out of the depression that I get locked into.
I left my addicted boyfriend 1 month ago, I have a new home with bills, I don't have a job, I grew up ACOA, I have my kids to heal, I have hardly any friends due to me sticking with sobriety, most of my friends right now are in their 60's n 70's, I feel alone, lost and tired....... My list can go on and on....

However, through the AA program, I have learned that my will was the reason I have messed up my life so bad. I had to get in touch with the Will of my Higher Power. I have, and now I can give my problems to my Higher Power and see where they take me. I still have a lot, but it was freeing when I finally gave them up and said I can't handle them anymore - you take them!!

Anna

When my husband was away, it was a huge trigger for me to drink, because I always tried to keep it a secret. And, I hated being alone, too. When I stopped drinking, I had to really look at myself and I realized I didn't want to be alone simply because I didn't want to deal with the stuff in my head. Being sober enabled me to face my life, my problems and the fact I was far from perfect and to be able to deal with those things. Now, I cherish having some 'alone time'.

You're right you do need to find happiness and peace for yourself and not depend on your boyfriend for those needs. For me to do this, I had to accept myself as the flawed person that I am, and begin to love that person.

2granddaughters

I get the Soul for my soul at AA meetings.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

Bob R

MrsKing

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I agree with what Anna says - being alone is something I find difficult at times too, because this usually involves me getting wrapped up in my thoughts and ending up very depressed and anxious. Being drunk alleviated all that, but it was only momentary, because it all came flying back with a vengeance as soon as I was sober again, and nothing was ever properly dealt with. Being sober means that we can rationally look at ourselves and our issues and make attempts at repairing all we think is wrong in our lives/minds. Don't drink - you don't need to. Also, try not to think too much (I know that's easier said than done) - is there anything you can do to take your mind off things? I like to bake when I'm stressed or upset - I have to totally concentrate and I find it so therapeutic. Your boyfriend would probably love a cake to come home to, too! Sending hugs your way.

IndaMiricale

Vent away, all those crazy emotions will run riot for many months after getting sober. I also go to some meeting when I feel lonely,happy,sad, or just dont feel like going. But never once have I walked out and not been so happy I went, its now just my social world.

TTBABP

It makes me sad to hear that so many people feel so badly about themselves. I hear myself in so many posts and although I do not know anyone here on a f2f personal basis - I am absolutely certain that everyone here who feels so badly about thenselves has beautiful, wonderful qualities.

I wish there was something that I could do to take away of of your feeelings of low self esteem.

IndaMiricale

Nicely said , I couldnt agree more.

lily007

I understand, I have often used alcohol as a way of coping with my loneliness. I think will be good for you and I'm sure I have plenty of my own venting to do. I know what you mean by feeling like you have no self esteem. I am struggling right now and usually I would soothe it with a bottle of vodka or wine, but now I plan on posting my heart out here instead. I know eventually I will come out of this anxiety with the alcohol/anxiety without the alcohol.

Dee74

how are you feeling today Soul?

D

SoulforMySoul

I am feeling a little better today. Thank you for asking. I have to find some hobbies, which is honestly not a hard thing for me. I am result artsy and love music so much.. For some reason I just keep laying here doing nothing though. I don't know why it's so hard to pull myself out of it. I also need to find friends that don't drink.

Oh and an Xbox would help to. Halo is an addiction that I did not mind having. :p

SoulforMySoul

Thank you. I think posting on here helps me so much too. Especially coming home from work and seeing how many people care that don't even really know me.

SoulforMySoul

Thank you for such nice words. I've learned that I'm the only one that can help with my low self esteem but it's a hard thing to overcome. Thank you again.