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Old 07-05-2012, 03:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Whatever you do DONT isolate!!!


I relapsed on Monday because I got lost in isolation and depression shut everyone out. I was doing sooooo well in AA attending every day and praying to my higher power then because I had to stopped going to meetings turned to a drink.

So to all newcomers, dont isolate or shut people out. Get a network of people who are sovber bc without it there is a great possibility of relapsing. Take it from me since sobriety is my main focus and it happened to me.I take responsibity for my actions and I did beat myself up over it but I thought to myself where am I going wrong? I hate alcohol and cant stand to drink why did I? Because I am powerless over alcohol and I must give my power to my higher power and when I need help I must seek it not avoid people. Its a learning experience for me. I tend to shut people out when I am depressed get more depressed then the alcohol gets the better of me. Well, **** you alcohol and depression I am not allowing you to get the better of me anymore. I even avoided this site when I fell in my depression.

For me personally, daily meetings, prayer, therapy and reaching out are the ways I will stay sober and if I stray from that path I can relapse and never want to do it again.

I would love more suggestions to prevent a future relapse from those of you working the program. Its life or death for me.

IC
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Old 07-05-2012, 03:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I would love more suggestions to prevent a future relapse from those of you working the program. Its life or death for me.
Is this the night you were alone at your father's house?
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Old 07-05-2012, 03:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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It was the night after I have been alone for a week now. I can get to a meeting tom. though and got in touch my my sponsor and therapist who both lectured me on isolating myself and getting structure in my day which is 100% true I have to bc that cant happen again!
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You did not mention Step work...I strongly suggest you and your
sponsor go back to Step 1 and move forward from there.

Prayers coming your way IC
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with Carol...No offence IC...But you could see that one coming...Unless you were out in the middle of Siberia...You could have made it to a meeting...Did you ever try?
Sorry you got lectured...Hope you learned something...Keep going forward IC!
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Yes, Carol good idea. Got to do everything and anything to prevent a relapse.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Yes Sapling I have learned and I am kind of in Siberia even my case manager knows I cant just make it she comes to my house every week. My sponsor saw the signs a week before I relapsed. I am in the middle of looking for an apt in civilization through Ill be very close to my sponsor and more meetings I can make. I am getting a ride to meetings now. It works if you work it I do believe in AA.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Innerchild,

I did not recover by attending meetings. Meetings were a place where I could connect with others who were successfully walking the path, and could show me precisely what they did to recover. I recovered by having a spiritual awakening as the result of taking the Steps as outlines in the BB.

I've seen hundreds, if not thousands, of examples just like yours. Doing well, gung ho, going to a bunch of meetings, praying, and then one day BOOM, the bottom falls out. I did that once myself (minus the praying part) with the same results.

What I have seen work every single time is taking the 12 Steps, from start to finish, as outlined in the BB.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Well my sponsor is not rushing me through the Steps I am working on Step 4 and I am sorry but I cannot rush that Step or Step 5 to me they will be the hardest but I am working them. I also attend like two step meetings a week.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I beat myself up enough I am not here to get bashed because I relapsed. We are all addicts and NO ONE is perfect and we are all one arm's length away from the next drink. No wonder why newcomers feel scared to post if they have relapsed or scared to be honest in a meeting bc no one likes to be bashed for slipping. **** happens its called admitting where you ****** up and get back in the saddle. Those who are talking about Steps I would suggest review Step 10
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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ps. This is why some people stay away from AA
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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My sponsor saw the signs a week before I relapsed.
Nobody is bashing you IC...I have to admit...I saw it coming myself...You can learn from this...Or go storm off because the whole world is against you...I'd suggest you learn from it and get back into civilization and with your sponsor and get busy. This is a life and death deal IC...Take what people say to you as advice from people that know that.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
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innerchild,
i don't think anyone is trying to bash you here.
i understand where you are coming from, and nearly got myself into trouble this week by isolating, too.
i think that everyone is just trying to remind you to get back to what you said was working for you
i hope no one is afraid to post on here....we are all here to support each other.
sometimes the directness that comes with that can sting a bit, but it is all meant well.
meanwhile, dust yourself off. you can do this, and we are all here for you.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I already said I learned from this Sapling if you hadnt read what I learned.

Thanks Changer, dusting myself off called my sponsor from now on she said to do everything she asks me to do so and I said anything.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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IC - I understand how you feel. But nowhere have I found anybody who beat me up about slipping as much as I did. Sometimes, I've seen people be direct and to the point, both here, and in AA, but sometimes that's what's needed.
I know how close I've come over the last 32 days. Yesterday, I came damn close to saying '**** it' and going to a pub where I wouldn't have to ask for a drink, I'd have one waiting for me when I sat down.
I didn't. That's why I'm not talking about day 1 again. But yesterday, I didn't just want a drink, I wanted to get drunk. In a town that's an hour and a half and two bus rides from where I live. Smart plan, huh? But somehow, I didn't.
At my second meeting, I turned up having been drinking, and I was welcomed. I've seen other people turn up when they have as well, and they have been welcomed. When I've slipped up, I've admitted it, and nobody's had a go at me. You know, as do all of us, what you, and us, have to do.
When you slip, you learn what you can, put it behind you and start again.
Keith, people tell me I'm doing well. Maybe I am, although it doesn't feel like it. I'm not taking it for granted that this will continue. I'm worried that, sooner or later, I'm going to crack. But for now. One day at a time. One foot in front of another. And that's all I, or any of us, can do.
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Old 07-05-2012, 05:02 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Sorry innerchild to hear how you have struggled this week.

Good news that you are being guided by your sponsor,she sounds wise.

Wishing you well.
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Old 07-05-2012, 05:07 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Thanks Emily. You have great self control. I understand I dont want to drink I want to get drunk. I know everyone in my meetings will be understanding and my sponsor was also. But, I know what I have to do not to relapse again I dont want to be at day 1 again.
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Old 07-05-2012, 05:12 PM   #18 (permalink)
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If you want or need structure, have you written a daily schedule to follow? We often need to write down what we will do and when to do them.

When my son was a baby, I had a basic written (yeah, I did write it down in case my hubby or a sitter needed it) schedule for him. When I taught my own classroom, I had a daily schedule written in case I needed a substitute and for myself to follow.

I've written my own schedule in sobriety. It kept me accountable to me, first, and then to my sponsor and to my friends (as I knew where I could meet them/which meeting I would be at).

We often must "re-parent" ourselves in sobriety. I set limits--I can't watch a movie if the dishes aren't clean and the laundry wasn't put away. Little things. The structure was important for me and it helped me to keep busy during the day. I had lost my ability to structure myself in life while I drank, so I had to put it in writing, then I had to follow it and share it with my sponsor. Total accountability. I wasn't always successful, but it was a process. Today, it's more successful than it was when I first wrote it all down.

I'm glad you are back and posting! All we can do is keep trying.

Big hugs,
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Old 07-05-2012, 05:12 PM   #19 (permalink)
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But, I know what I have to do not to relapse again I dont want to be at day 1 again.
That's what it's all about right there...And nobody wants to see you at day 1 again either IC. We learn...We move forward. I'm going to add some prayers for you just in case.
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Old 07-05-2012, 05:18 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Thanks SB, thats exactly what my therapist told me I need structure and when I have therapy appts or something do not cancel GO. I bellieve you structure is very important for me bc if I am left in my own head for too long I become self destructive. I am causing my own depression. I am learning more about myself I want to remain sober and strong. I want to get to a point I can help others.
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