My Twisted Road to Recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southern NJ/Philadelphia
Posts: 151
My Twisted Road to Recovery
Hello everyone! I'm very happy I've found this forum! I hope everyone can welcome me with open arms and support me through my recovery!
As a background, about 3 years ago I took my first perc 10 and I was hooked ever since. 10s quickly grew to 30s. Most recently I've been taking 3-4 30s a day. In that 3 year period I was able to graduate from a top university and land a good job. Compared to my sober friends I was more successful so in my eyes what was the harm? Well I was blind to the fact that I was mentally and physically addicted to opiods. I've attempted to quit using suboxone but it never lasted long and I always relapsed.
Today I'm proud to say I'm 5 days clean, cold turkey! My wd experience hasn't been pleasant but not horrible. Days 1-4 I was sneezing, sniffling, cold sweats and the *****. Luckily Imodium has helped me through work without running to the bathroom 9 times a day. Today I still have been sneezing along with my runny nose but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So now that I'm through most of my physical wd I'm scared as hell psycologically. The devil has been sitting on my shoulder tempting me 3-4 times a day. Everyone always says getting clean is easy but staying clean is the hard part.
Financially I cannot keep doing opiods. I have put myself in debt and I'm constantly broke. Luckily my addiction has not negatively effected my relationships with my family. I pray that I'm strong enough to beat this horrible disease and hope you can offer any support!
Thank you all very much for reading my story!
As a background, about 3 years ago I took my first perc 10 and I was hooked ever since. 10s quickly grew to 30s. Most recently I've been taking 3-4 30s a day. In that 3 year period I was able to graduate from a top university and land a good job. Compared to my sober friends I was more successful so in my eyes what was the harm? Well I was blind to the fact that I was mentally and physically addicted to opiods. I've attempted to quit using suboxone but it never lasted long and I always relapsed.
Today I'm proud to say I'm 5 days clean, cold turkey! My wd experience hasn't been pleasant but not horrible. Days 1-4 I was sneezing, sniffling, cold sweats and the *****. Luckily Imodium has helped me through work without running to the bathroom 9 times a day. Today I still have been sneezing along with my runny nose but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So now that I'm through most of my physical wd I'm scared as hell psycologically. The devil has been sitting on my shoulder tempting me 3-4 times a day. Everyone always says getting clean is easy but staying clean is the hard part.
Financially I cannot keep doing opiods. I have put myself in debt and I'm constantly broke. Luckily my addiction has not negatively effected my relationships with my family. I pray that I'm strong enough to beat this horrible disease and hope you can offer any support!
Thank you all very much for reading my story!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome PhilsFan!
You posted in the right spot - don't worry! Glad you've decided to join us - congratulations on your 5 days, too! I understand that opiod withdrawal is really tough - but a lot of people get through it and are so glad they did!
There's something that feels really good about getting through another day sober. The mental part is the hardest and that takes some time, but it get better and easier........ I hung out here a LOT in the first days/weeks (well, I still do!).
Keep reading and posting!
You posted in the right spot - don't worry! Glad you've decided to join us - congratulations on your 5 days, too! I understand that opiod withdrawal is really tough - but a lot of people get through it and are so glad they did!
There's something that feels really good about getting through another day sober. The mental part is the hardest and that takes some time, but it get better and easier........ I hung out here a LOT in the first days/weeks (well, I still do!).
Keep reading and posting!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
P.S. Check out the substance abuse section of the forum, too - You'll get lots of support there as well:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
"Compared to my sober friends I was more successful so in my eyes what was the harm?"
"Financially I cannot keep doing opiods. I have put myself in debt and I'm constantly broke."
Yeah.... I know the feeling.
I couldn't do this alone so I suggest NA/AA meetings.
Some here say they do it alone and if you are one of those go for it !!
If you are an alcoholic/addict of my sort you will soon find that a 12 Step program is the solution to your problem.
All the best.
Bob R
"Financially I cannot keep doing opiods. I have put myself in debt and I'm constantly broke."
Yeah.... I know the feeling.
I couldn't do this alone so I suggest NA/AA meetings.
Some here say they do it alone and if you are one of those go for it !!
If you are an alcoholic/addict of my sort you will soon find that a 12 Step program is the solution to your problem.
All the best.
Bob R
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
The monkey can be pretty patient. My problem was not pills- but I assume the principles of AVRT (addictive voice recognition training) are applicable.
Fear is our biggest enemy. The sober life is good- but you do have to work it, and deal with the monkey (but over time he will quieten down).
Fear is our biggest enemy. The sober life is good- but you do have to work it, and deal with the monkey (but over time he will quieten down).
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Opioid addiction is interesting because the body can adapt to greater and greater amounts, apparently without limit. You mentioned a daily intake of 120 mg of oxycodone. I know someone who worked up to 1600mg daily, what a special kind of hell that entailed.
The terror that we all felt facing a future without our drug of choice can be viewed simply as the terror our addiction feels being deprived of its buzz. To that I say, bring it. You are in charge of your drug intake, and capable of staying straight for good. Congratulations on that commitment to yourself and your future life free of this miserable stuff. Well done.
The terror that we all felt facing a future without our drug of choice can be viewed simply as the terror our addiction feels being deprived of its buzz. To that I say, bring it. You are in charge of your drug intake, and capable of staying straight for good. Congratulations on that commitment to yourself and your future life free of this miserable stuff. Well done.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by PhilsFan33 
So now that I'm through most of my physical wd I'm scared as hell psycologically. The devil has been sitting on my shoulder tempting me 3-4 times a day. Everyone always says getting clean is easy but staying clean is the hard part.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southern NJ/Philadelphia
Posts: 151
Wow this is overwhelming! I cannt believe the amount of support that has been offered! I want to respond to each of you individually but these last two days my work schedule has been very hectic. Thank you all very much for this support, it's greatly appreciated.
Today is the beginning of day 6!! I'm still dealing with the running nose and sneezing but I can feel that it's coming to an end.
I have to be honest with everyone, I'm scared about getting paid on Tuesday. Every payday for the last 6 months I've ran and picked up and I know the devil is going to be tempting my ass all day/week/month long. When I think like this I begin to question if Ill be strong enough to calm the urge inside of me begging for the DoC.
Today is the beginning of day 6!! I'm still dealing with the running nose and sneezing but I can feel that it's coming to an end.
I have to be honest with everyone, I'm scared about getting paid on Tuesday. Every payday for the last 6 months I've ran and picked up and I know the devil is going to be tempting my ass all day/week/month long. When I think like this I begin to question if Ill be strong enough to calm the urge inside of me begging for the DoC.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Welcome and good for you for getting through to Day 6!
You can do this and we are here for you. If payday is a trigger, then make a plan. Promise yourself a nice dinner out or something special that you've been wanting to have, instead of spending the money on pills. Treat yourself and be proud of your decision to live a sober life.
You can do this and we are here for you. If payday is a trigger, then make a plan. Promise yourself a nice dinner out or something special that you've been wanting to have, instead of spending the money on pills. Treat yourself and be proud of your decision to live a sober life.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
You seem pretty motivated to stop, PhilsFan. So, make a plan for payday. Look up 'urge surfing' - those ideas helped me to quiet that panic feeling and to calm the urge.
I believe that you can do this - you just need to put the right tools together. Stay with us.
I believe that you can do this - you just need to put the right tools together. Stay with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southern NJ/Philadelphia
Posts: 151
Hello again everyone! Well my last attempt to quit went horrible once payday came. Today I'm proud I say I'm 8 days clean! I feel a lot better today except for the slight sneezing, stuffy nose and *****. Although this is minor compared to the last 3 days! Anyway, I'm set to get paid tomorrow and I have made plan to help me including giving my mom my money so I cannot be tempted to use. I feel good about this time around. I simply won't to be clean!
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Welcome back!
I just wanted to offer some support as I recently (4 weeks?) Came off oxycodone. They were prescribed for back pain post surgery but I was abusing them. Had multiple false starts with quitting though partly on account of my 'legitimate 'pain.
Yesterday I was driving and thought of something funny I had read/seen earlier and I laughed out loud at the memory. It's a little thing but I heard my laugh and wondered how long it had been since that had happened? All my driving moments were consumed with pill thoughts in recent months. Feeling high but not belly-laughing happy. (This was what I was thinking of btw)
Have a great day 8!
I just wanted to offer some support as I recently (4 weeks?) Came off oxycodone. They were prescribed for back pain post surgery but I was abusing them. Had multiple false starts with quitting though partly on account of my 'legitimate 'pain.
Yesterday I was driving and thought of something funny I had read/seen earlier and I laughed out loud at the memory. It's a little thing but I heard my laugh and wondered how long it had been since that had happened? All my driving moments were consumed with pill thoughts in recent months. Feeling high but not belly-laughing happy. (This was what I was thinking of btw)
Have a great day 8!
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Good Plan
Originally Posted by PhilsFan33
Hello again everyone! Well my last attempt to quit went horrible once payday came. Today I'm proud I say I'm 8 days clean! I feel a lot better today except for the slight sneezing, stuffy nose and *****. Although this is minor compared to the last 3 days! Anyway, I'm set to get paid tomorrow and I have made plan to help me including giving my mom my money so I cannot be tempted to use. I feel good about this time around. I simply want to be clean!
If you have a bank account, you could have your check direct deposited and that might help reduce the temptation. You might also consider using a debit/credit card for everyday purchases to keep your $ in the bank. If you dont have cash in your pocket, you cant buy drugs.
As a bonus, if you get a card that earns airline miles, you could take a vacation at some point..... how about 1 yr clean?
Best Wishes
Stay with us and keep posting.
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