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When I drink I become a Monster.

Old 07-05-2012, 09:42 AM
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When I drink I become a Monster.

When I drink I am a monster.

I consider myself to be a calm, collected, and well spoken individual. I am able to operate in society and constantly be on a positive vibe. I am proud of my skills, accomplishments and I have a loving family. I have a son who I love and spend time with regularly. My career is starting to really take off and i have nice things and a loving girlfriend who I adore. I could loose this all when I drink.

I dont drink often, but when I drink It drink it all.

Alcohol and I dont get a long. From the beginning my very first drink terrible things have happened. Alcohol and I have a awful relationship. When I drink I become a monster. My character shifts and my behavior becomes obnoxious. I have skimmed close to severe injury maybe death, had medical issues, and waisted days to being sick. I have misrepresented my character and ruined relationships. I become someone nobody wants to be around. I say things that offend others, I speak more and more loudly. I black out and dont remember a thing. Worst of all I am an angry drunk and I am not willing to control myself. I am none of these things when ia m sober.

I consider myself to be very lucky that I have not been killed, or jailed for what I have done while being intoxicated. If I continue to drink. I know that something terrible will happen. I can not go on living like this.

I have asked myself, why do I drink, and I have come to the conclusion that I drink to let go. Like a cutter cuts one self. I release. I must stop self medicating and find a healthy and proactive emmotional vent.

I believe it starts with not drinking ever again.

Today is the day. I say good riddance to a foe of my mine. I will not risk my life anymore. I will no longer let this monster out of its cage. I am not going to live in fear.

The solution is simple. Today I stop drinking. one day at a time. For the rest of my life.

I know that the monster within me will always be there, but without alcohol I am in control, not the monster. I am the only one who holds the key and I will keep it safe.

I look forward to my future and this journey of sobriety and accepting that I have a problem.. I feel that because I am a binge drinker I have been able to dodge alcaholism, I accept the fact that I am a problem drinker and move on. My abuse stops here.

Thank you for reading my post.

WaterMan12
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:48 AM
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Welcome waterman! You are doing a great thing. That son and that girlfriend are way more important than drinking on any level. You can do this. All of here at SR have got your back! =)
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by WaterMan12 View Post
The solution is simple. Today I stop drinking. one day at a time. For the rest of my life.
Bravo! Welcome to Sober Recovery.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:54 AM
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Good Luck!!!!
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:57 AM
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Welcome aboard many people suffer the Jekel and Hyde. And how ever you want to classify yourself is up to you, but being alcoholic is being a problem drinker.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:57 AM
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@live2run25 @doggonecarl @Hunter101 Thank you!!
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:00 AM
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You are an inspiration to me, as I am trying to go one day at a time without a single drip of alcohol and having trouble. Good for you, and thank you for telling us your story!
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:00 AM
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@indamiricale Thank you. When I drink I am a problem which utimately I have controll of so I am abusing, over and over again, making problems. I am definetly an alcaholic.
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:04 AM
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@ShadowBoxer Thank you!! The truth is I know I am an alcaholic, and I can not be ignorant to the signs anymore. I feel like I am being shady and the person I am being shady to is myself.
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:38 AM
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Same here when I drink I DRINK it all. I know I cant survive if I got a 18pack and just let is sit there. I want to still drink but be a social one and control it know when to stop. So I am telling myself I will only buy 6 from now one. Being hungover takes away from family and my little girl. As said before they are more important.
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:03 PM
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@marcusva79 I have tried many times to just drink a couple beers and have done it successfully, but more oftenly I have drank past just 2-3 drinks and completly became the monster. Its just not worth it anymore. I will not compramize with the monster.. because over time I know it will win. This is why I am here.
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:10 PM
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WaterMan, welcome and congrats to you for acknowledging a problem with your drinking!
If it's a problem now, it simply will not improve over time, so you are wise to quit while you are still ahead.
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:26 PM
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Welcome Waterman!

Good for you for making this decision!! I never was able to drink responsibly either. We just don't have an "off switch" like most people - a few drinks only makes us crave more and more.

I decided I can only be "the best I can be" without alcohol in my life. It's a good feeling!
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:26 PM
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@stevie1 Thank you and I agree! I have the disease and it will continue to creciendo until an end and an End is inevitable but one from alcaholism can be prevented. Its my choice and I just made the right choice. not to drink.

Now I am ready for the addictions creepy voice to tell me its ok and I will say NO.
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:31 PM
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@artsoul Thank you. Like you my drinking "switch" is definetly broken and or completly missing.
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:45 PM
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I can''t just have one drink, I will drink everything you have and then I will want more.

The only thing that helped me was the fellowship of AA. Its a good place to start. When there are 5-10 other alcoholics all trying to stay sober, there is strength in numbers. I also got me a sponsor after my 2nd meeting this time around. I work with my sponsor every chance I get. I love the way she can turn my stinking thinking into a way that I can understand it.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:01 PM
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I too use AA for my successful life without alcohol.
It's been an awesome adventure for me....and can be for anyone...

We have many SR members winning over alcohol...some do
not follow any specific method concept or program.
Me? I have no plans on ever leaving AA.

Congratulations on facing reality and hope you make whatever changes
that will continue to keep you moving forward...

My best to you...your son and girl friend
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:26 PM
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@soberbrooke @carolD Thank you for your support. I plan on attending AA.. There are many meetings in my area. There is power in numbers. I dont have to do this alone. It would be great to get a sponsor of some sort. A binge drinker like me. Someone who has been successful in managing the addiction and who would share tools to suppress this darn disease.

In the past I have attended AA, but I didn't do it for the right reasons. I went thinking that I could drink socially and I just needed to slow down, but now 3-4 years later I am sure that slowing down is not the answer. I still get weird.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:30 PM
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You seem like you have a pretty good handle on what's going on Waterman...I don't know if you've read the Big Book of AA....But if you read the Doctors Opinion and Pages 1 through 43 it deals with the first step of the program. I couldn't believe how much I saw myself in there...Here it is if you want to take a look at it. Glad to have you here and good luck on your sober journey!

The text of Alcoholics Anonymous
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:43 PM
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Welcome. You arent alone it turns me into a monster too. I am pretty calm in my every day life but if I touch alcohol I become Satan. I hate alcohol
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