changer

well, i'm on day 48. and i've been doing really well so far- all things considered.
but i had a scary moment today where i thought something along the lines of 'well, maybe i would be able to control my drinking better if i started again'.
WHAT?! i can't even explain how much i dislike having that thought even cross my mind. it's the first time since i got sober that it actually has, believe it or not.
there is absolutely nothing in my history with alcohol that would lead me or any other sane person to believe i could have anything but a future of pain and torment ahead of me if i pick up a drink again.
and still, that thought snuck in.
i think part of it may be that i've been really sick the past few days and haven't made it to a meeting. i'll be going back tomorrow, even if i have to go in my pajamas with a box of kleenex.
it was a good reminder that if i'm not participating in my sobriety, i'm in dangerous territory.

i hope you all have a great 4th, or just a really nice wednesday.
i'm so glad i logged on tonight to get some perspective!
xoxo
hil

hypochondriac

It's incredible how these thoughts seem to come out of nowhere, and we ALL have them! The same ones. 'Oh, I've been sober for months now, I'd be fine at controlling my drinking'. It's very freaky but reassuring that we all have these things going through our heads at various times. Good for you for catching it out x

CarolD

The good news is....you never have to drink again .

Yes...being unwell may be the culprit ..sending prayers for
healing and clarity....

Glad you will soon get back to your sober routine
Congratulations on your progress...

aeo1313

Yep- day 64 and was having those thoughts strong last week!

Sapling

You know that insanity they talk about in step 2?....That's it.

KnowHope

You got it.

The most insane thing I ever did was pick up again, stone cold sober

sugarbear1

xa-speakers.org

Paul O. wrote Acceptance is the Answer (formerly Doctor, Addict, Alcoholic)

Ed M. on the Mother's Day Retreat is a 4 parter.

A speaker meeting at your fingertips!

Feel better! Stay stopped and stay sober!

Hugs,

MrsKing

We all hear that voice. It's the one that got us to the place where we had to give up for good, the one that talked us into believing that being drunk all the time was a good idea. It's not a voice you want to pay any attention to, that's for sure. Just remember that you never have to act on it - it may be there, and it may try to talk you around whichever way it feels fit, but you don't have to let it control what you do. Over time, that voice gets quieter and quieter. Don't fight it, just know that it is LYING. I know that it is scary, but it really is no more than a thought. We think about SO MANY things on a daily basis that we will never do, and this is just another one of those. Ignore it. Once again, you don't have to act upon it.

Congrats on your 48 days. That's wonderful

instant

They are thoughts not actions. I still occasionally have similar thoughts, having an emotional reaction to them gives them power. If you have not done so already, learn about AVRT.

I also have a lot of other crazy thoughts. I now think of them as 'signals' for me to decipher where I am at, and to take appropriate action.

Sapling

I've had the obsession to drink lifted....I've ceased fighting it...It doesn't exist for me...As promised.

Live2Run25

Hey Changer.. fellow marylander here. I know how it is. I'm only 33 days in today and i've heard that voice too. Just ignore it! It's lying.

soberbrooke

I have 6 months and those thoughts still creep in! My desire to drink has been taken away though, but those thoughts........
I was driving to a meeting one day, and thought about red wine, and my mouth watered so much!!
After I finally left my boyfriend of 14 years, I thought "I am only an alcoholic because of him, maybe I can now go back to drinking and be a social drinker"

It is cunning how alcohol is. It is a powerful ex-friend that keeps wanting back in my life, but today I am choosing not to let his dysfunction enter!

hypochondriac

I second this. AVRT effectively made those thoughts nil and void for me.