I can never drink again, but when will I?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
I can never drink again, but when will I?
I am sober/abstinent for about 6 weeks now. I have tried to get sober and stay sober more times than I can count. At one point I had six tough but fruitful years of recovery which brought me to a level of functioning beyond what I could have ever imagined - truly a realization to the "life beyond your wildest dreams" promise made by some members of AA.
I relapsed two years ago due to neglect of my disease. I no longer did the things that got me sober and kept me sober, I was not receptive to suggestions. I lost my humility and gratitude, the two most essential ingredients for my sobriety.
For the last two years I have tried to get back what I lost. I have not lost everything as I might have expected based on my history. I still have the degree, license, and career I worked so hard for when I was sober. (gifts of sobriety to be sure!) However, I know that to drink is to lose whether it be all at once or gradual.
Every time I commence to drink, I am reminded of the misery it brings. Truly I do not enjoy one thing about drinking but the anticipation, the promise of the first one. As soon as it passes my lips all that is left is impairment and decline. Thus, it should be easy for me to get sober and stay sober with this awareness. Should be...
Again, I am sober for six weeks. Many aspects of my life have instantly improved and I have the opportunity to get even better, real promise than one born of craving for a drink. I even feel happy sometimes!
I know all of the above is true. I know it in my deepest heart. Yet, I very well could be drunk this afternoon.
I relapsed two years ago due to neglect of my disease. I no longer did the things that got me sober and kept me sober, I was not receptive to suggestions. I lost my humility and gratitude, the two most essential ingredients for my sobriety.
For the last two years I have tried to get back what I lost. I have not lost everything as I might have expected based on my history. I still have the degree, license, and career I worked so hard for when I was sober. (gifts of sobriety to be sure!) However, I know that to drink is to lose whether it be all at once or gradual.
Every time I commence to drink, I am reminded of the misery it brings. Truly I do not enjoy one thing about drinking but the anticipation, the promise of the first one. As soon as it passes my lips all that is left is impairment and decline. Thus, it should be easy for me to get sober and stay sober with this awareness. Should be...
Again, I am sober for six weeks. Many aspects of my life have instantly improved and I have the opportunity to get even better, real promise than one born of craving for a drink. I even feel happy sometimes!
I know all of the above is true. I know it in my deepest heart. Yet, I very well could be drunk this afternoon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Congratulations on your six weeks. That's wonderful!
If you managed six years of sobriety, you can do it again. If you know that you can never drink again, why do you say "but when will I?" There is something there that makes me think that you are contemplating drinking in the future, even though you know what sobriety can bring. I think it's very difficult to say "I will never drink again", but for me it has given me so much hope and freedom. I very, very rarely contemplate a time in the future where I will drink again, and as soon as I do, I realise that it's just a momentary thought and that it's never going to happen. I push all thoughts like that to one side and remind myself that it is not an option. It's never going to be an option.
Have you thought about going to meetings or looking into other programmes that can help you with this?
I think it's wonderful that you have now been sober for six weeks, and that you have been sober for six years in the past - and look at what you achieved! That's amazing.
Alcoholism is something that plagues us forever... and that thought is terrifying, but so long as we are in control of it and believe in our commitment and that we CAN do it, we can be sober, and stay sober. I have only been sober three months, so I'm definitely a newbie to all of this, and it's definitely not easy all of the time but just admitting that I have a problem and constantly reminding myself that I can never drink again has given me so much hope.
Being at SR has been such a help and I hope you find the wisdom and support that I have found here. It's a good place to be. Good luck and all the best.
If you managed six years of sobriety, you can do it again. If you know that you can never drink again, why do you say "but when will I?" There is something there that makes me think that you are contemplating drinking in the future, even though you know what sobriety can bring. I think it's very difficult to say "I will never drink again", but for me it has given me so much hope and freedom. I very, very rarely contemplate a time in the future where I will drink again, and as soon as I do, I realise that it's just a momentary thought and that it's never going to happen. I push all thoughts like that to one side and remind myself that it is not an option. It's never going to be an option.
Have you thought about going to meetings or looking into other programmes that can help you with this?
I think it's wonderful that you have now been sober for six weeks, and that you have been sober for six years in the past - and look at what you achieved! That's amazing.
Alcoholism is something that plagues us forever... and that thought is terrifying, but so long as we are in control of it and believe in our commitment and that we CAN do it, we can be sober, and stay sober. I have only been sober three months, so I'm definitely a newbie to all of this, and it's definitely not easy all of the time but just admitting that I have a problem and constantly reminding myself that I can never drink again has given me so much hope.
Being at SR has been such a help and I hope you find the wisdom and support that I have found here. It's a good place to be. Good luck and all the best.
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
Since AA worked for you in the past, why not go back? It has been the best thing I have ever done, again......and again, etc....
My sponsor tells me all the time that AA is what gave me my life back, and in order for me to keep that life, I need the fellowship of AA to help guide me in this process. It has been working for me, and maybe it will work for you. I need to help others to help me stay sober. I need to give away all that i have learned to help me stay sober.
Why turn my back on the one thing that helped me get my life back?
My sponsor tells me all the time that AA is what gave me my life back, and in order for me to keep that life, I need the fellowship of AA to help guide me in this process. It has been working for me, and maybe it will work for you. I need to help others to help me stay sober. I need to give away all that i have learned to help me stay sober.
Why turn my back on the one thing that helped me get my life back?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sugar Land
Posts: 28
Hi Greeny
I know what you are going through. I was sober for 22 years then two years ago in Key West (party central USA) I had one beer. Since then... it has been down hill. I've quit and started back up over a dozen times since then.
I'm about six weeks dry again (5/23/12) and working very hard to permanently stay that way. This forum has been a God send... with great people that relate to my problem. Don't start back up! You've done it before you can certainly do it again.
Another "6 weeker" pulling for you. Take care.... carvel
I'm about six weeks dry again (5/23/12) and working very hard to permanently stay that way. This forum has been a God send... with great people that relate to my problem. Don't start back up! You've done it before you can certainly do it again.
Another "6 weeker" pulling for you. Take care.... carvel
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
You gave yourself permission to drink. You knew what you would do if you got that permission. And yet you are planning on giving yourself permission again, as soon as today.
Until I got that figured out, a permanent secure sobriety was something other people had. You can have it too, but not until that realization sinks in. You can never drink again, and you can never change your mind.
Until I got that figured out, a permanent secure sobriety was something other people had. You can have it too, but not until that realization sinks in. You can never drink again, and you can never change your mind.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
Please check out the final paragraph in your BB on page 43.
It certainly has proven true for me...
Congratulations on your fresh start...
Please check out the final paragraph in your BB on page 43.
It certainly has proven true for me...
Congratulations on your fresh start...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Greeny 
I know all of the above is true. I know it in my deepest heart. Yet, I very well could be drunk this afternoon.
Not if you're in a meeting this afternoon.......
If the patient with kidney disease follows their dialysis regimen well, they live a quite normal life. Skip or quit dialysis ..... pain, suffering and death await.
If an alcoholic follows his/her program well, they live a quite normal life. Skip or quit your program ......... same as above.
Best you get back and commit to AA. Surrender to what benefits you, not alcohol and it's "ISM's".
All the best.
Bob R
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 622
I feel everything you are saying. Please know I have tried to stop numerous times and my longest is just over 2 months. 6 years is incredible and to hear you speak so highly of how life was and your achievements is so damn inspiring to me. I thank you for your post - I think we will all struggle with knowing we could be drunk this afternoon but for 6 weeks now you have said no, that is incredible on its own!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
thanks for all of the comments and support! I was expressing fear rather than intent. This disease is truly cunning, baffling, and powerful! I need all the help and support that I can get. I am glad I posted this. BTW, It is the afternoon and I am sober and having a good day
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
I can see how you would think the time is coming again because of past experience. The thing is, instead of thinking it will happen again, what about telling yourself it won't. Good to be on your guard to protect yourself, just be careful you're not giving yourself permission (well might as well drink because it's going to happen eventually). Positive thoughts!!!! You won't go there, no ifs ands or buts. It is NOT an option. I should take my own advice 
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