Having a really hard time today
 

12 days sober and totally unhappy about it. To be honest, I am furious. I am mad at myself for being in this situation. I don't want to have to quit drinking. I know that I should because I am wreckless and unable to control myself when I drink, but I am just so insanely mad that that is the case. I don't even know what to do with myself. Tonight and tomorrow I should be drinking with friends, but I can't. So I don't know what to do.

I got into a bit of a fight earlier with my boyfriend. He stopped drinking the day I did. He said he wants to support me, but it isn't easy for him either. I told him he can drink if he wants, not to quit for me but for himself if that is what he wants, but I don't really know what it is he wants. I was acting a little irrational earlier (just pissy, couldn't think of what I wanted to do, but couldn't sit still enough to enjoy staying home) and he told me there was no reason for me to be upset. I tried to explain that I am upset because not drinking on a holiday like this is incredibly hard. Not even the not drinking part, just the fact that I can't. I know it is a choice, but it is one I don't want to make. I equate most holidays with drinking, or parties, or bars. It may be an unhealthy connection, but I can't change that quickly. He said he is going through the same thing and that he is stressed out, too. But I can't tell. He hides his feelings and when I talk about mine he doesn't have much to say.

Anyway, I am just angry. At myself. I feel like I have put myself in a situation I don't want to be in and if I had been more responsible before I wouldn't be like this now.

I suppose I should have made plans so I am not antsy in the house. I guess I will take that into consideration for the next holiday. For today I am angry and confused.

I sure was not thrilled either when I faced my reality
and joined AA...:no:

However ..it was the best decision I ever made...:yup:

:hug: hope the two of you continue your sobreity
and soon find harmony peace.

Thanks. We usually are fine, fighting is not a regular thing. And he doesn't hide all his feelings from me, we are usually quite honest with eachother, but this is new territory.

I went to a couple of AA meetings. I am not sure it is for me. To be honest, I have a friend in AA who has told me a lot of people we know from highschool go to the meetings in my town. I don't want to go to them. A year or so ago I had mentioned to her that I thought maybe I needed AA (obviously me thinking drinking is a problem isn't exactly a recent revelation) and when I changed my mind about going she told / asked a bunch of people, in AA and not, about my choice. I was humiliated that she would betray my confidence on such a matter. And given how many people I know by name that are in this AA (without them being the ones to tell me) I am very wary about the anonymous thing. I know most people take it seriously, but my friend seems to think that just because she doesn't care who is in it means that no one else cares either. I'm not blaming her, because if I wanted to go I should suck it up, but I don't know. Confused is a word I am using to describe myself a lot these days.

I went to a couple AA meetings outside of my town, but with work, school and sharing a car with my boyfriend it is really difficult to work that out. Those meetings were also all people much older than me. I am 26 and I think the person closest in age to me was about 35, so I didn't have as much to relate to them even though they were very nice.

Bunny, you are finding a lot of reasons NOT to go to AA.

The one good reason to go is because it would get you sober and happy.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Well...all my friends were at best excessive drinkers when I quit.
They thought I was nutso to be planning for a sober future....:eek:

My heart told me the truth...I found new friends in the rooms
who understood and supported my lifetime goal...:yup:
I did not care who thought what about my recovery journey.

There are other ways to find sobreity...many members here are also
winning over alcohol. Please do find something that will allow you
to have a future sans alcohol/drugs.

All my best to you and your BF...:hug:

I'm interested in finding alternatives to AA for now.

Sure....here is a link...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I would be useing SMART if I had not already found my solution.

And....

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

So many choices...please check them out...:hug:
Keep posting....we do care

At 12 days... let me think, it wasn't that long ago... At 12 days I was definitely not happy about not drinking. At 12 days, I knew that being sober wasn't worth it. I was stressed, angry, miserable... just like I've been a lot of the time since I quit drinking.
Since then, I've had some better days. Days when I could smile. And I've looked back at how it was just a short time ago and know I don't want to go through that again.
I was talking to a friend last night, and apparently I'm looking a lot better now than I was. I can't say I've noticed, but... it's another reason to not give in.
It will get easier. I'm not saying there won't be bad days. There will be. Today started out as one. And if there'd been any alcohol in the house...

Your 'friend' isn't that much of one it seems. Ah well. Such is life. As for not relating to people a few years older... I'm going to be a little harsh and say that's an excuse.
But, if AA isn't an option, there are alternatives. All I can say is I hope you find the help and support you need and deserve. :ghug3
Be strong. And keep trying. Because you're worth it.

Hi Bunny,
just want to say hi. The first step is also the hardest, to really admit that you are powerless over alcohol.
I hope you find a program that works for you.

Love
caiHong

Hello. I'm sorry to hear you're finding things really hard today. I completely understand - at first I was so, so annoyed with myself that I had got myself into the situation where I could no longer drink. But now (3 months on) I am SO pleased, in a way, that I got myself to a point where I knew it could no longer continue, because without it I wouldn't have changed, and being sober has given me a completely new life - one in which I'm happy and active and capable of so much more.

All I can say is that you should stick with it, because it's worth it in the end. It does get easier - all those tense feelings, the anger, the upset - it does get so much easier. It's not something that goes away overnight, but it does go away, and is replaced by a feeling of contentment.

I hope the day gets better for you. All the best.

BunnyDale, 12 days? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. In 6 days I'll be 2 years sober, 7 days 10 months no crack, Haven't drank coffee with an S-load of sugar since May 22nd and and no cigarettes for 29 days. All I can say at this time is I have learned how to suffer. Most of the time I'm miserable and angry. 2 good things are my health is better and so is my financial situation. I was more miserable and angry during the 42 years I was using. So now I have to learn how to cope with anger. My hope is you give up using at a young age. Lots of help here on SR. :egypt:

Absolutely correct. I had to learn how to suffer, I had to learn how to work, I had to learn how to change. I had to learn to be grateful, I had to learn to ask for help, I had to learn that there is a Power greater than me and that Power will help me if I humbly ask.

None of the above is a "done deal"... they are a work in progress.

Thank you for the great reminder of the truth.

All the best.

Bob R

To me it sounds like you are still equating being drunk with having a good time. And I think that's pretty common for people like us, at least early in recovery. But perhaps a more productive point of view is that being drunk is risky behavior that's bad for your body and bad for your spirit as well, as it erodes your self-esteem to be drinking when you've already concluded that to do so is irresponsible and unwise.

Life is a good thing on its own, not something that's generally bad for long stretches, only improving when it is broken up by relatively brief periods of intoxication. Part of staying sober is growing past the "I live to drink" mentality that dominates our drinking years. Behavior reflects values and attitudes.. Getting sober is a change in behavior, i.e., you are no longer drinking. But staying sober requires a change in values and attitudes, because willpower only gets you so far (this is in part I think why AA is so successful; a lot of what goes on in the Twelve Steps goes directly to values and day-to-day outlook.)

Sorry, I digress, thinking out loud again. Anyway, it does get a lot easier to accept over time..

For today, come up with a plan for your holiday, treat yourself to decadent things that aren't alcohol (like ice cream, barbecued meats, relaxation, the amusement park--whatever will make you feel like you had a special holiday day today). If you are twelve days in already, you have already demonstrated the will and ability to succeed.

Hey Bunnydale.

It can be tough for a while but there is help out there if you need it. If you really don't want to go to AA then check out AVRT. It really is a good option. If you want face to face support maybe try to find a SMART meeting.

It ace that your partner is willing to quit with you. I know a lot of people find it difficult when their partner is actively drinking. Don't worry about not having something planned, maybe just going for a walk will help. Sometimes I found it wasn't good to stay in the same place for too long.

If you are doubting the reasons why you wanted to quit maybe it'd be good to revisit them. I often feel a bit left out because I can't drink, but then when I look back to how things were when I was drinking, I really wouldn't change it for anything.

Give it time, and I hope you feel better soon x

Thanks everyone. Today is much better than yesterday. I guess I just had a few things to get off my chest. I looked at some of my other posts and they are all from when I was having bad days, maybe I should try and post more when my day is going well :)

Congrats on your 12 days. I was NOT a happy camper at 12 days either. Actually I take that back...I physically felt better, but I was angry and had a lot of "why me"? moments for awhile. I remember sitting in my therapy group whining "but I don't WANT to be an alcoholic". It was hard for me because I felt like I was losing a good friend and that I was being deprived of something that made me feel secure. When I start to idealize everything that alcohol gave me, I make myself think about everything it took away from me. Everything that I haven't been able to do for years because of the "little liquid devil". That usually helps me feel better.

Well welcome and what ever road you chose for sobriety is great. I use AA and I just love the age range specially you young people. So nice to see you get it early and not have to go down the road that us older ones did before we surrendered. :)

Will I go to any lengths to get what they have , Youuuuuu betcha I even walked sometimes up to 2 hours to get to a meeting. Thankfully someone always wanted to drive me home, I love my sober people, my bar friends sucked.

There isn't one universal answer to this whole drinking business, BunnyDale. Pick a program by name, and ask google for its success rate. It doesn't matter which one you pick for research, the success rates are dismal and most don't do as well as a stern talking to from your Dr.

The thing that makes a successful approach to sobriety is YOU and your commitment to it.

To your question, you still seem to think that life is better with booze. It might be for some folks, but it made me depressed, anxious, guilty, ashamed, fearful, isolating and sick. If you can decide that you are like me that way, then you might be ready to make that plan concerning your future use of alcohol. I wish you the best.