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Old 07-03-2012, 12:17 AM   #1 (permalink)
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should I try...again....


Hi,
I'm back visiting. I did well for a while and actually felt like I was starting to get a bit of control over alcohol and then it started to build and build and increase and increase and now I'm back thinking I may need to quit for good again. Ehhh it is so hard because I really do love a nice glass of wine or a cold beer. Maybe I will just set a date for a week or so - not the forever thing - ehhh I don't know - its late...other than my vent it is really nice to be back to SR and see all the amazing support. Thank you for still being here and all the amazing people
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:20 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Good to see you copperfield.

Should you try again? Absolutely

How long were you sober for?

D
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
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ehhh I did good for a few months - it was more that I was kind of handling the booze - could actually stop and remember evenings - but it has escalated again...Im afraid I've lost control, again....
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
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ok...I just wondered...sometimes I'd 'try' sobriety but never really give it a chance.

I drank for 20 years - but I'd only ever give sobriety a week to work or not LOL

I lasted 2 months once - torture - but I was trying to live my old drinking life as a sober person. I was always the square peg trying to fit the round hole.

Moderation never lasted for me - I'd go ok for a while...I'd convince myself I was under control now, and that was the hook to get me drinking again in earnest.

The day I accepted my relationship with alcohol was toxic - and had always, and would always be the way - was the day things changed for me.

Taking that option off the table and changing a lot of other things about my life - looking at my friends, my free time, my priorities - suddenly staying sober made a lot more sense.

If you're a drinker like me - and it sounds a lot like you might be - don't waste too many years trying to be that normal drinker guy like I did copperfield.

D
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Of course you should. Bless your heart. The back and forth is grueling. I think several months under your belt is awesome and shows you can do it. Why let a slip up determine the rest of your life? Good luck.
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:50 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
ok...I just wondered...sometimes I'd 'try' sobriety but never really give it a chance.

I drank for 20 years - but I'd only ever give sobriety a week to work or not LOL

I lasted 2 months once - torture - but I was trying to live my old drinking life as a sober person. I was always the square peg trying to fit the round hole.

Moderation never lasted for me - I'd go ok for a while...I'd convince myself I was under control now, and that was the hook to get me drinking again in earnest.

The day I accepted my relationship with alcohol was toxic - and had always, and would always be the way - was the day things changed for me.

Taking that option off the table and changing a lot of other things about my life - looking at my friends, my free time, my priorities - suddenly staying sober made a lot more sense.

If you're a drinker like me - and it sounds a lot like you might be - don't waste too many years trying to be that normal drinker guy like I did copperfield.

D
Yes! This all makes so much sense to me.

I started drinking at 18 and am 39 now.

So, 20 years trying to moderate and drink like a normal person. It never happened no matter how much I willed it to be the case.

Accepting I had a problem was the best thing I ever did. I have no control over how much I drink when I drink. I start out fine but it creeps up and always has.

If I was able to drink normally, I would have mastered it by now, long before now.

I realised finally it should not be such a struggle. That it is, shows me why drinking is not something I should do. Ever.

I tried to kid myself for years I had it under control, but really, it always had control of me.

I am not deluding myself anymore
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Old 07-03-2012, 01:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hello copperfield and welcome back to SR.

Of course I think you should try again.

I decided to quit for good on April 1st this year. I've been sober three months, and I'm so much healthier and happier, that I just can't even contemplate drinking again. I'm like you - I used to love a glass of wine. LOVE it! But the problem was, after I'd had that one - that was it. I couldn't stop. So, though I get fleeting moments where I think a glass of wine would be just PERFECT, I remind myself that actually, it really wouldn't. A glass of wine would be like throwing away everything I've done in the last 3 months and pushing myself back into the hell life I used to live. No, thank you!

It was really difficult at first and I struggled with my decision to stop drinking. I didn't know whether I was doing the right thing - I thought perhaps I could one day manage my drinking like a normal person. It wasn't until I said "I will never drink again" (and meant it) that I felt settled and comfortable in my choice. I no longer have anxiety about drinking or worry about when I will allow myself to drink again. I just know that I will never drink again, and it is the most liberating decision I've ever made.

AVRT do a crash course that really helped me. For 2 months I didn't think I needed a certain programme to help me. The crash course took about 10 minutes and has totally changed my outlook on this whole thing. I know that everything relating to alcohol is not something I have to act on. I no longer worry about those thoughts I sometimes get that say "just have one" or "you're OK now" because I know what those thoughts are - they're the evil monster that wants me to go back to being a mess. It's not me. It has no power over my actions. It is a thought - I do not have to do anything about it.

Good luck with starting again. You can do it
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Old 07-03-2012, 02:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
should I try...again....
...YES!!!

The forever thing is scary copperfield. Maybe just do it one day at a time. Or use AVRT and rip the plaster off completely. Maybe try it for longer than a week though. I don't know about you but I had all these unrealistic expectations of how great everything would be if I was sober. I'd be here after a month tapping my foot wondering why I didn't feel any better yet! But then I'd been drinking daily for 12 years. It's only fair to give sobriety a fair chance. Maybe aim for a year? (And if that sends you into a panic, don't worry, that's your AV and it will die down eventually )

I was one of those that really liked the taste of beer and I would have probably used that as my number one excuse like many people do, but eventually I felt like I was drinking under duress because I wanted to quit but couldn't. I hate the smell of it now.

And thanks for your post. There are always loads of posts in this forum from people saying they thought they had it under control but it got bad again. It really does stop me from attempting it again myself.

I hope you quit soon x
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Old 07-03-2012, 02:56 AM   #9 (permalink)
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What other alternative is there? It states in the Big Book that no matter how much time you have sober you will end up in the same state where you left off. It is just your choice as to whether you are "willing" to end the insanity.
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Old 07-03-2012, 03:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Copperfield

Should you try again? Definitely! And I pray you'll be at total peace with it as well.
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Old 07-03-2012, 06:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
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We can only keep trying. It sounds like you are on the fence about staying stopped. Have you tried to write a list of pros and cons of your drinking? You have no stats on your profile about you, so I am assuming you are young and haven't yet had major consequences of your drinking.

Meanwhile, I know how positive you are and how supportive you are with others. Stick around, we need you here!

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Old 07-03-2012, 08:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by copperfield View Post
...it is so hard because I really do love a nice glass of wine or a cold beer.
If you could have enjoyed just A glass of wine or A single beer, you would have. You can't. You said so yourself. Your attempts at controlling the amount you drank failed.

You could quit for a week and return to drinking, but for what end? To just lose control again?

Spare yourself the heartache. The first hurdle to get over in recovery is admitting you have a problem.

If you don't think so, oh well. We'll be here when it does become a problem.
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Thank you so much for all the replies, thoughts, and comments.
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome back!

There is a huge difference between no alcohol and cutting back on alcohol. If you're an alcoholic, cutting back will never work for you. Most of us here have determined to do that, and found what you did. Things got worse.

I do hope you decide to live a sober life.
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:30 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Please do keep after it, copperfield!

I tried every variation on keeping alcohol in my life: cutting back, only drinking on weekends, only drinking at certain times or places, and even just saying EFF IT, I am a drunk so I'm just going to BE ONE completely.

Then I realized that I was trying awfully hard to come up with creative ways to poison myself and wreck my life (and believe me, it's only by the grace of God that I didn't lose everything, kill myself or someone else or end up in prison), when the only good solution was to let it go and give it up.

I'm hoping you'll commit to living a wonderful, full life without alcohol.
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:52 AM   #17 (permalink)
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try it again. I too tried moderation myself. It never worked. Just made me drink more, when I drank again. You can do this!!
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:23 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome back, copperfield!

It took a lot of failed attempts for me to finally accept that I couldn't drink without ending up in the same miserable place.

Quote:
Maybe I will just set a date for a week or so - not the forever thing
I found it even more helpful to try to stay in the current moment. When you get caught up in lots of worry about staying sober in the future, you lose sight of what you can do to be sober right here and now.

When your mind starts wandering off to thoughts like "how am I going to get through the day/week/month?" just bring it back to the moment. It's that fear about the future which makes us feel overwhelmed and panicky (and makes us want to drink). Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Try it and see if it works for you..... it helped me a lot in the beginning.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:25 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I could not imagine not trying again.

I believe that when we understand something we inherently become responsible to that knowledge.

Knowing now what know about using.... If I did not try again it would be ridiculous and irresponsible. I know addicts tend to shy away from responsibility but lets be real.

Always try again. Never stop. Have faith it is worth it.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:36 AM   #20 (permalink)
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weasel i just wrote on your thread
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