Don't love me!
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Don't love me!
Don't love me!
If you love me then I have to get better.
Maybe.... Well... Maybe getting better is more than I can handle.
Maybe loving me is going to make me feel strange.... Odd.... I am not used to that feeling.
If you love me do I have to love me? Is it a prerequisite?
Is there anything other than love?
I read so many desperate posts.... It makes me sad that there are so many hurting people at this moment.
Can we ever love enough to stop the pain?
I think we can. I hope we can.
If you love me then I have to get better.
Maybe.... Well... Maybe getting better is more than I can handle.
Maybe loving me is going to make me feel strange.... Odd.... I am not used to that feeling.
If you love me do I have to love me? Is it a prerequisite?
Is there anything other than love?
I read so many desperate posts.... It makes me sad that there are so many hurting people at this moment.
Can we ever love enough to stop the pain?
I think we can. I hope we can.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
The oldtimers in AA loved me until I began to be able to love myself.
When I used to think like you are doing now it was like a car that was stuck in the sand. The harder I tried to accelerate out ... the deeper I got mired.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
When I used to think like you are doing now it was like a car that was stuck in the sand. The harder I tried to accelerate out ... the deeper I got mired.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I like that analogy.... Spinning wheels... I do that but not in sand... Quicksand.
I hear what you are saying.
I have no idea what I wrote means. I read it and still just....
If you see something in it I do not then I need to at least listen to you.
We may not be at the same point in perspectives but at least we agree.
I hear what you are saying.
I have no idea what I wrote means. I read it and still just....
If you see something in it I do not then I need to at least listen to you.
We may not be at the same point in perspectives but at least we agree.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
When I get like that I have to take my head to an AA meeting and hand it over to my sponsor, God and the oldtimers to fix. I can't fix it !! I have to surrender... not fix and fight.
If you had a car stuck in the quicksand and finally came to the conclusion your best efforts were making things worse...... you would give up and call the tow truck, and let him work his magic.
I have been where you are. I could not see/accept my options.
I wish you the best.
Bob
If you had a car stuck in the quicksand and finally came to the conclusion your best efforts were making things worse...... you would give up and call the tow truck, and let him work his magic.
I have been where you are. I could not see/accept my options.
I wish you the best.
Bob
Spiritual Learner
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 165
In the beginning of my sobriety I didn't like/love myself, so alot of people told me we will love you until you can love yourself no matter how long it takes! That hit me like a ton of bricks (in a gentle way) I felt free because I had nothing to do but accept their love i didn't have to jump through hoops I just had to be me, sober me!
Ther is a phrase that comes to mind "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"-not the beholdee, don't worry about the chicken or the egg (which one came first) realize working the steps or working the perogram you are in will help you love yourself in time.
Give yourself time, that is the loving act you can do, give yourself time!!!
and yes love conquers all!!!
Ther is a phrase that comes to mind "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"-not the beholdee, don't worry about the chicken or the egg (which one came first) realize working the steps or working the perogram you are in will help you love yourself in time.
Give yourself time, that is the loving act you can do, give yourself time!!!
and yes love conquers all!!!
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I suspect I am not unusual in that we feel we never got loved enough. Typing that even sounds lame and hokey.
It's not that we were not enough... Its that we want love more than anyone person can need. We need to be intoxicated by it to feel enough.
Hey? That sounds familiar.
Anyway. I hear you and bob.
The idea that you folks can love me as I get better is amazing to me. I can certainly give love.... Just getting is tougher and we all know that.
I fully accept.
It's not that we were not enough... Its that we want love more than anyone person can need. We need to be intoxicated by it to feel enough.
Hey? That sounds familiar.
Anyway. I hear you and bob.
The idea that you folks can love me as I get better is amazing to me. I can certainly give love.... Just getting is tougher and we all know that.
I fully accept.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
I suspect I am not unusual in that we feel we never got loved enough. Typing that even sounds lame and hokey.
It's not that we were not enough... Its that we want love more than anyone person can need. We need to be intoxicated by it to feel enough.
Hey? That sounds familiar.
Anyway. I hear you and bob.
The idea that you folks can love me as I get better is amazing to me. I can certainly give love.... Just getting is tougher and we all know that.
I fully accept.
It's not that we were not enough... Its that we want love more than anyone person can need. We need to be intoxicated by it to feel enough.
Hey? That sounds familiar.
Anyway. I hear you and bob.
The idea that you folks can love me as I get better is amazing to me. I can certainly give love.... Just getting is tougher and we all know that.
I fully accept.
Some of my best AA buddies today are folks I hated/feared years ago.
I wish you the best !!
Bob
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I love all people and like 2granddaughters wrote, I don't always like them all. Tolerance, patience, and love is needed.
We had a horrible storm in Maryland (and apparently all over the place near here) Friday night. The damage is utterly unbelievable. We had stores without power, and gas stations had long lines (it took us almost an hour to get to the pump). People were mostly being nice to others, but there were also many people who were being quite selfish in their actions. Hot, angry, scared people.
Those who went through the day being kind, considerate, and not in a hurry were the ones who made my day much better. Disgruntled with those others, yeah, but I said a little prayer for each of them....
Before I could have compassion for others, I had to have compassion for me in some way. Forgiveness, too. (for those who question this statement, it's through a god of my understanding where I find the strength to be forgiven and to have self-compassion....blah blah blah.... there's more in what's not written here)
I saw Eddie Murphy's movie 1000 Words (or whatever the name is) and the end made me cry hard. On Saturday, I had the privilege to see all of my things I thought I had lost to a storage auction. I was able to get about 25 boxes of junk and as I go through each box, my past is slapping me in the face. I stopped for a day. I'm emotional. The movie helped me to see I have to keep forgiving myself for my old actions so I don't repeat them. I'm also wondering why I didn't take some more. I had the opportunity, but I was hot & I was emotional. So, I keep beating myself up in my head. It's not where I need to be today. I was stuck in my head for too long. I will accept that I have more than I had and I will be okay with this. It's really all gone, now.
Compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, and love for myself works by being loving towards all.
Ed M. on xa-speakers has a 4 part Mother's Day Retreat recorded. He said something about how we alkies don't know how to have serenity in our lives. We fear feeling good (without drinking) because it's so unnatural to us. That hit me hard. Take a listen to him!
Keep staying stopped. In time, you will see the world differently than you do today.
With Love,
We had a horrible storm in Maryland (and apparently all over the place near here) Friday night. The damage is utterly unbelievable. We had stores without power, and gas stations had long lines (it took us almost an hour to get to the pump). People were mostly being nice to others, but there were also many people who were being quite selfish in their actions. Hot, angry, scared people.
Those who went through the day being kind, considerate, and not in a hurry were the ones who made my day much better. Disgruntled with those others, yeah, but I said a little prayer for each of them....
Before I could have compassion for others, I had to have compassion for me in some way. Forgiveness, too. (for those who question this statement, it's through a god of my understanding where I find the strength to be forgiven and to have self-compassion....blah blah blah.... there's more in what's not written here)
I saw Eddie Murphy's movie 1000 Words (or whatever the name is) and the end made me cry hard. On Saturday, I had the privilege to see all of my things I thought I had lost to a storage auction. I was able to get about 25 boxes of junk and as I go through each box, my past is slapping me in the face. I stopped for a day. I'm emotional. The movie helped me to see I have to keep forgiving myself for my old actions so I don't repeat them. I'm also wondering why I didn't take some more. I had the opportunity, but I was hot & I was emotional. So, I keep beating myself up in my head. It's not where I need to be today. I was stuck in my head for too long. I will accept that I have more than I had and I will be okay with this. It's really all gone, now.
Compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, and love for myself works by being loving towards all.
Ed M. on xa-speakers has a 4 part Mother's Day Retreat recorded. He said something about how we alkies don't know how to have serenity in our lives. We fear feeling good (without drinking) because it's so unnatural to us. That hit me hard. Take a listen to him!
Keep staying stopped. In time, you will see the world differently than you do today.
With Love,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
I have llearned that I wasn't put here to be loved, but to be loving. God loves me and I am to be loving towards others. There is a saying going round my AA home gr youp, " I love you and there ain't nothin' you can do about it!!"
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Weasel, there are people around you right here and now that know you, that are just getting to know you, that accept you, that are there for you. I don't believe that anyone can fix me, when my fix needs self knowledge, acceptance and understanding, when what is missing is belief in myself.
I think if you look in the right way, you can find the tools that you need within you. Stuck? I think there is a rope in the trunk, and it has been there all the time. And a pile of timbers right over there. It is not an easy problem to solve, but I bet you can do it. The first step is believing that you can.
I think if you look in the right way, you can find the tools that you need within you. Stuck? I think there is a rope in the trunk, and it has been there all the time. And a pile of timbers right over there. It is not an easy problem to solve, but I bet you can do it. The first step is believing that you can.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks.... I just hope I don't wind up using the timbers to build a stand and use the rope to hang myself!
I was only kidding!
Gosh.... Humor is required for me to get there.
I am sorry I come here and ask everyone to keep saying the same things every day.
I wish the process was quicker than this... And that I got instructions for how to use it.
But.... I have to say.... That I know others... You... Have figured it out to a further point than I have. So what's a guy to do but listen and accept the road you all are pointing me to.
I suspect it is the right one.
I was only kidding!
Gosh.... Humor is required for me to get there.
I am sorry I come here and ask everyone to keep saying the same things every day.
I wish the process was quicker than this... And that I got instructions for how to use it.
But.... I have to say.... That I know others... You... Have figured it out to a further point than I have. So what's a guy to do but listen and accept the road you all are pointing me to.
I suspect it is the right one.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
When I get like that I have to take my head to an AA meeting and hand it over to my sponsor, God and the oldtimers to fix. I can't fix it !! I have to surrender... not fix and fight.
If you had a car stuck in the quicksand and finally came to the conclusion your best efforts were making things worse...... you would give up and call the tow truck, and let him work his magic.
I have been where you are. I could not see/accept my options.
I wish you the best.
Bob
If you had a car stuck in the quicksand and finally came to the conclusion your best efforts were making things worse...... you would give up and call the tow truck, and let him work his magic.
I have been where you are. I could not see/accept my options.
I wish you the best.
Bob
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Weasel, I really appreciate your posts. You say what's on your mind, and that's good. We all wish it would take less time. We need patience? Alright, but how long's that going to take? All I can say is, it takes the time it takes.
It's taken till now for me to be able say (And mean it) I'm grateful to be sober.
I hope you find the acceptance you need.
It's taken till now for me to be able say (And mean it) I'm grateful to be sober.
I hope you find the acceptance you need.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by MalkavianEmily
We need patience? Alright, but how long's that going to take?
The biggest problem with delayed gratification is all the waiting.
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