grhcl5

I am a 46 year old mom of 3 who has been in denial about my alcohol abuse for most of my life. I am a daughter of an alcoholic who started drinking around age 15. At the time, drank at parties and on weekends. As I got older, I ended up marrying a man who drinks a lot on the weekends and whose friends and family drink and feel that it is a normal way of life. One brother is a recovering alcoholic and the other is addicted to prescription drugs.

There is always beer in the fridge and as the years progressed, I found myself drinking every night, telling myself it is okay because it is only 2 or 3 beers. Also, I didn't feel like I have a problem because I don't drink during the day. My husband and I just returned from a vacation with your 3 teenagers where we would go out on the deck each evening and finish off a case of beer! I just woke up this morning realizing this is totally crazy and that I need to quit.

I feel like most people would think I am a normal mom. I am a teacher and successful in my career. I don't miss work because of my drinking nor do I miss my children's sporting events, etc.

I just don't know where to start. I would like to cut down on drinking and not quit altogether. Is that even possible? Any answers to advice from the community would be great.

Huey

As I guess you know, the only person who can decide if you are alcohol dependent/alcoholic is yourself.
I'd suggest that you get yourself along to one of your local AA meetings and see if you can identify with any of the members drinking and experiences with alcohol.
Generally, we think, that one of the main differences between the normal drinker and the alcoholic are the negative consequences of drinking, although, even if these are few, it may not mean that you aren't both physically and mentally harming yourself to a dangerous degree.
In recovery, we suggest total abstinence from the substance/substances of consequence.
I hope this helps a little. Best Of Luck .

Sapling

Welcome grhcl5...I don't think this site would be here if it was. I never had any luck with it. I can give you a good test that will tell you where you stand with alcohol....Don't drink for 90 days...If you are fine after that...Alcohol is not your problem. If you can't do it or if you are irritable and discontent...Having a hard time living in your own skin...Then you have a problem that needs to be addressed...I didn't do too well on that test either...Going to AA..Not drinking at all...And working the 12 steps is the only thing that worked for me. There are other ways...This is a great site for online support...Use it. I will tell you one thing about alcoholism that I know was true for me...And I have no doubt about...It is progressive...And does not get better with time. All those things you haven't lost?...Put a yet behind them. I proved that too.

CarolD

Welcome...

Your post noted a progression in your drinking...as well as
a genetic tie in. You have teens to mentor as a Mom

Why is continueing to drink important to you?

Many people don't drink for various reasons and think it's A-OK.

There are stages of the disease of alcoholism....best to quit
before slideing downwards.....and it sure can't be harmful
to your healthy future.....IMO

The book that convinced me to quit...Under The Influence
by Milam & Ketcham is usually carried on Amazon.
Wile not everything applied to me...it certainly opened
my eyes I suggest you order a copy...
It has a sequal "Beyond The Influence" I've not read.

Here is a link to excerpts from Under The Influence

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

All my best to you and your family

2granddaughters

Alcoholics Anonymous got me sober and has kept me sober for over 22 yrs. I was 45 when I came.

All the best.

Bob R

lifewithoutbooz

I agree with Sapling. Quit for 90 days and see how you feel. I know it seems like a long time but doing it for a week or two really won't tell you anything. I can go for a week with a minor craving around Day 4/5 but it quickly passes. I hit Day 9 the other day and ended up having three glasses of wine thinking I'd be fine. I woke up in the AM without a hangover but still felt a lot of shame. I want to believe that I can be a social drinker but I'm going to be 46 on Saturday and my drinking has escalated since my late 20s - it's been getting worse and worse since my early 30s when I married a man who I thought was a recovering alcholic. I realized recently 15+ years has flown by and I don't want to wake up in another 15 years in the same boat or worse (a coffin). Aren't I a ray of sunshine. Good luck with your journey!

Michael66

The hardest thing for me was coming to terms I couldn't have the benefits and pleasures of moderate social drinking without the day-in-day-out desire for alcohol that went with drinking for me.

So giving up alcohol, for me, required accepting that missing out on moderate social drinking was part of the 'package'. That 'battle' went on while I was still drinking most days. When I finally accepted that embracing sobriety meant saying goodbye to some things I liked as well as saying goodbye to the horrible side of drinking then everything became so much easier and I've been able to put alcohol in my past. It's still early days (75 days sober) for me, but I know and accept alcohol is in my past, and that includes both social drinking and the day-in-day-out reliance on alcohol to relax. I'm very happy with how it's turning out, but it took me a long time to get to the point that I was truly very comfortable accepting that I would never again drink on any occasion.

But you may be different - you may be able to cut it down to manageable levels without always wanting more.

God bless you.

Itchy

I wanted my cake and eat it too.

At first I was drinking sporadically and lifting a few with my peers. I swore each time I would never drink again and that would last several months to a year. I did drink again.

Then I was drinking every night three or four beers or a few mixed drinks. Occasionally I would overdo it just a bit and have a hangover. I said to myself I would stop drinking every day but just never got a Round Tuit.

Just a few years down the road I couldn't wait until 5 and used to joke that I could hear the pop tops snapping, calling me. I would drink three or four fast until I got a good buzz and then finish my 12 pack before bed. I felt a little off in the mornings but was fine after a pot of coffee. I decided that I needed to cut down and that drinking 12 packs was too much. I never got a Round Tuit.

Not too many years after that I was feeling very badly some mornings, not all the time just a couple or three days a week. I was shaking very badly and started feeling nauseous. I found that adding a shot or two to my first coffee of the day didn't make me drunk just took the edge off on those bad mornings only. But it tasted so good and was much better than a bloody mary, and lots of folks drink in the morning right? I decided that I would have just one every day. Within a week it was two and three, and I swore I would not drink before work anymore daily. But I never got a Round Tuit.

I "retired" again. I was not gaining much and was working just to have some extras as I have already retired and am set for life. So I then could start drinking beer at noon, and still have some scotch in my coffee. That lasted all of six months. Then I switched immediately from the coffee with scotch, when I could keep it down long enough for the shakes to stop. Every morning I swore I was going to quit tomorrow and would start today by not having my three or four coffees with scotch. I had one cup without and had to hold the cup with both hands I was shaking so badly some mornings. I felt so proud to have avoided the temptation to have a scotch in my first coffee that I would have the next with it since I proved I can do it, and I would start tomorrow. I said that for the next 18 months and never got a Round Tuit.

My Doc said I was starting to lose my health and would die if I didn't stop. My cholesterol was going up and my glucose could go up and I become a diabetic. Of course all this time I was smoking three packs a day. I never drank and drove and was proud that I could hold off long enough to go see my doc. I had my "bad days" and my good ones. If I was having a Bad Day I would cancel and reschedule. I wasn't going to drive drunk and my wife picked up my beer for me on the way home from work. This whole time I was drinking to stay normal, never slurring or stumbling. I had it under control, I was functional even if I did drink at least 30 beers, glasses of wine, or Scotch shots every day from waking up to going to sleep. One day I looked up and suddenly it seemed I was 57 about to be 58 and my doc had pretty much given up on me. I blamed it on not being able to afford medical detox. Then it hit me that I was going to die, and still would never have gotten my "Round Tuit."

On September 21 2010 I checked into my local VA hospital for my in hospital detox. I didn't need AA or her to tell me it was time to get a "Round Tuit," even the worst of us know when it is that time when we all find ourselves up the same river without a paddle. What river? De Nile! After getting out I joined AA and here. On my first visit to my soon to be home group group I knew I was going to make it. See they, without even knowing it, had what I needed. I finally got a Round Tuit!

It looks like this:

Itchy

I stopped using AA after three months, and just realized I have not stopped in for at least six months and they likely think I have relapsed. It meets in one hour and I need to go and let them know I am fine. I did not leave AA because I had issues at all. I left them and just use here because they gave me all I needed from them and would do it again if I ever had to. They were a piece of my sobriety start that got me here with no relapses. I do not intend to have to. Once was enough.

fairenough

Thanks, Itchy. Let us know how the mtg went!

Sapling

I'm sure they will be glad to see you Itchy...And not picking up a white chip..Have a great meeting!

Anna

As Carol said, I would question why continuing drinking is important to you. It seems that it might be a good thing to work out in your mind. If you are an alcoholic, then moderating drinking is not possible. I think we have all tried that, often many times, without success. Stopping drinking and beginning to recover is a good choice.

2granddaughters

Yeah, it'll be good to go and give back to the newcomer that might be at that meeting.

All the best.

Bob R

Dee74

Hi and welcome grhcl5

Like others have said here, cutting back was not possible for me, although I tried for many years.

Have you tried cutting back yourself at any time?

D

Hevyn

Welcome grh. I once drank the same way you do. I became so tolerant of it that in the end, I could polish off a 30-pack all by myself in a day. It took me many years to break the cycle - and on my way to sobriety my life turned into chaos. At the end of my drinking career, I had no control and was drinking all day. I would never have believed I could become totally dependent on it - but it happened.

It's good you're looking at what it's doing to you & acknowledging the danger you are putting yourself in by continuing this way. I was never able to control the amounts, either - but I spent many wasted years trying. Glad you are here with us!

Itchy

The meeting went great, everyone was there but apparently three had relapsed. I did have to show them where the BB says we are recovered about nine or so separate times starting with the subtitle of the book itself! "The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism" Some still look like I am purple when I say I am recovered. Bob there were two newcomers who I referred to here too, letting them know my name here.

Back to welcoming grh.

soberbrooke

The only difference in us is 4 years and one child.

When I was ready to quit drinking, and put the Will of God back in my life, I knew I was on the right track, especially when I finally "got" the Will of God.

I did it through AA, and my wonderful sponsor. She really showed me my self-will had run a riot. My will was constantly getting me in deeper, and deeper with negative feelings about myself and others. It was not fun. I was a depressed miserable "bitch". When I finally got it, and put the Will of God first in my life, then all sorts of light bulbs went off. Hope this helps, it sure helped me.

covrecover

Hi Grhcl5.

If you want an answer to the question can you just cut down the simple thing is to try it. I think there is a difference between some one who drinks heavily but has control of what they drink, and someone who's drinking controls them.

In the UK its recommended if you drink to have at least 2 days a week alcohol free. If you can keep to 2 or 3 days a week with no alcohol then you are able to say no.

The next question is that when you are drinking do you decide when to stop. If you decide you are only going to have 3 drinks in the evening, have only 3 drinks, despite more being available, and offered to you then again this points to you deciding what you drink, not an addiction.

The reason for asking the above is so you know if you are a heavy drinker, or someone who is ,or is starting to be, addicted.

If you are a heavy drinker but not addicted at the moment its your choice when you drink, and how much. This means if you want to, and this has to be your choice, you should be able to stop without many (or quite possibly none) side effects.

If you cannot stick to 2 or 3 nights without a drink, and cannot control what you drink when you are having a few drinks then this points to addiction or at least the start of it. If this is the case you may need help stopping and may experience side effects that you may need help with. After this you will probably need help, this could be from AA, or could be from some other source like counselling.

If your are addicted or are starting to be addicted then I honestly think its time to seek help.

Cov.

Sapling

I've never heard that...I'm not in the UK though.

covrecover

Different countries probably have different recommendations on drinking. What is suggested on mainland Europe is probably quite different from the UK, and USA. I have not go a clue what advice is given in the Czech Republic but given they drink more beer per person than any other country I hate to think what the advice would be.

The other thing in the UK is that if you are an addict the advice give is not to just stop like I did, but to see you doctor as some of the withdrawal symptoms can be very very serious. The basic test seems to be if you can regularly do 2 or 3 days a week without having a drink you are not considered an addict, and if you want to stop the chances are you will not have withdrawal symptoms.

Please remember this is the advice given in the UK, and may be considered completely wrong in other countries.

I think the key thing to workout, regardless of where you live, is if you are in control of your drinking, or does it control you.

Please also note even if you do control your drinking you may still be doing yourself serious harm. I'm still going through tests to find out what level of harm my drinking has caused. Once I know that I'll now where I stand.

Cov.