HIGHBOTTOM57

My partner and I broke up over a year ago after a 16 year relationship. That is when my drinking really became heavy. Started buying the big bottles of Vodka... Now I have been sober for 50 days. The pain of a broken family is strong. We adopted a child together, she is 12 now. Holidays suck right now. No barbecue this 4th.

Trying these things (in addition to not drinking)
1. stop pretending I am Ok. I really feel totally effed up.

2. focus on gratitude ( have so much I am grateful for)

3. Pray and ask for acceptance.

I am very grateful for AA

Sapling

Congrats to you on 50 days...Alcohol helped me end a 17 year marriage...That hurts...Have to move forward you know?....Is your AA group doing anything for the 4th?

Dee74

I'm sorry for your break up HB - but congrats on 50 days

D

soberbrooke

I can relate. I just ended a 14 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. He is still smoking pot, I am a recovering alcoholic. I have 6 months of sobriety, and 2 children with him. On some days the boys are with him, on some with me. They are with him right now, or since Thur, and I have hit 2 meetings a day, just to keep my mind off of him and the boys. July 4th will be my first sober one, and I will be no fun for the boys, so I told him to go ahead and take the boys out with their friends and let them have a lot of fun. Their friends parents are all drinkers, so there is not a choice for me. I just want my boys to have the most fun they can. I will be at a meeting or 3 on July 4th. It is supposedly the day when everyone relapses, and I hopefully, won't be one of them. I was told that today in one of my meetings. I went to two today.
I am going to any lengths this time to stay sober and become the happy-go-lucky person I once was. My boys, aged 13 and 12, will love me more, like me more, and be a lot more happier if they have their mom.
However, on the days that they are not here, I am totally depressed, I get really lonely, and I can't even think straight. When they are here, it all changes.
I just have to keep reminding myself exactly what, and why I am getting sober. It is going to make a huge difference in their lives, and hopefully soon they will start to see it.

HIGHBOTTOM57

Thanks. I really do want to move forward, and get that it will not happen with a drink in my hand. Haven't done any AA social events yet... hope to. My beginners group in planning a picnic. As for the 4th.. taking my daughter and friend to a water park...

HIGHBOTTOM57

Congratulations on 6 months. I too am sad when my daughter is not here. But as long as she is having fun or in a good place... I get over myself. Divorce was unheard of in my family of origin.

tomsteve

i cant relate to the pain of a broken family, but can to the pain of a boken relationship. i was hurtin for certain and kickin myself in the arse for quite some time. finally, one day at a meeting, when i got done with the lil whining, pitty party thing, a man looked right at me and said," it's time for ya to stop kickin yerself in the arse and no one can do it better than you. you aint a bad man, yer a sick man."
well, did that ever make sense!! i didnt set out to purposly leave a path of destruction. so, i asked him a few days later," why in the heck did i do all that crap?"
" because yer an alcoholic. it's what we do when we drink." well, huh!!! now that made sence too!
it took a lot of footwork to change who i was and make my amends., but today i am greatful. i am greatful i can sit here right now remembering how i treated people when i was drinkign and say,"thank you God that i'm not that man anymore!!!"

tomsteve

forgive me for any mispelling. i am very tired, but sober.

crewisms

Hello High! 50 days is huge! My kids are part of a broken marriage and those holidays, especially Christmas and the bbq 4th are trying, but I found a way through it all. As down as I may get, no matter the thoughts, no matter the pain, if I love my kids with all my might the days I don't have them on holiday, when I smile, sometimes with a bit of bitter/sweet pain, when I give them that daddy hug, they smile and love to chat about the great day they had with the other parent. Embrace that with all you might, buddy. The loving return on investment melts me every time. Just my way, but I confess it took me a while to get there.