Let it all not be in vain
 

So I was sitting in a burger joint having a fattening lunch...since I gave up drinking I have calories to spare....

A song came on the radio...100 years by five for fighting. For those unfamiliar with the song it's describes the times we experience over the corse of a lifetime.

It articulated a sadness I felt since I woke.

10 solid years of my prime were given away for nothing. I have not built in my life many things i dreamed of because I was always wasted.

Granted I never thought my life would be as idealistic as some trite song about growing old but it did remind me of the many losses.

I continued to contemplate this.... And I arrived at a perspective I never considered. A very good one for me...

It's rather simple.

When someone dies for a cause of some kind... People agree that at least they did not die in vain.

Every loss over the last 10 years will only be compounded if I don't redeem it by being sober today.

Let my losses not be in vain!

This may not be something new for many. This post is simply my way of solidifying in my head a positive way to deal with my actions.

And yes... I am hanging in there :) I am have a rather good day in fact. Just making sense of things.

Weasel, I don't think that any of our losses or mistakes are in vain. We are right where we should be at this moment. It's the journey of life.

Agreed... But my perspective is that if I decide to continue drinking. It will only make everything so much worse.

I have an opportunity to turn some of that around.

Like is said. Those that are sober for some time may not think this is any kind of revelation. I am not trying to enlighten anyone.

For me... It makes a huge difference thinking it can be better and what happened does not have to been a total waste.

Thanks.

I guess Anna I am going through the processe of reconciling how I got here.

To wake up sober after ten years and not think WTF happened!!

Insightful post, Weasel - thanks!

*ding*

Ken,
Great post! I also look back and say WTF happened. I could have done so much with my life in those years.

But guess what... We can do so much more in the ones that are left. That is an awesome feeling! One that I did not have 2 months ago, and one that gives me the strength to move forward.

Hey Shane! Missed you for a while.

Yeah we all need to go through the process. But like we said.... We can live it all now!.

Now is all we have.

Made the Big Plan today. That may be what's driving the big thinking.

:c011:

It's very hard for us to figure out what happened because our "frame of reference" is distorted, defective.
When someone would ask me "How are you doing" I would have to respond "Compared to what?"

I agree with Anna that we are right where we are supposed to be and I had to learn that working on "right now" was far more productive than 'what happened'.

Basically what happened to you is really no different than most AA's that I know. We are "garden variety" drunks, nothing special. I hear my story told repeatedly at the meetings... makes me know that I am in the right place.

All the best.

Bob R

Glad to hear you are getting on the right track, and have prepped your big plan.

Let it not be in vain indeed, there is much to be learned and accomplished yet. Recovery is in our hands.

Amen:lmao