A New Beginning...
 

I'm 30 years old. Married to a beautiful woman. 18 month old daughter. Another baby on the way. My life is perfect. Bought a house. University educated. Great career that has really just started. Good friends and family around me for the most part. It's not perfect though because I struggle every day with alcohol. As far as I can tell I'm a "functional alcoholic" because I have all of the above and I still manage to slip in drink after drink on worknights and on weekends.

I have had mild success the last 2-3 months with cutting back. Stopped completely for 7 days and never felt better. Then did great with controlling the drinks by the week to what is considered healthy. Then it was every other night. It's become hit and miss.

And here I am... it's probably 7 years in the making... since 2005 I believe...

I want to start now... I'm scared to death and figured this might be a good place to start! I'm hoping this is the right place for me.

How does one go about starting out on this journey?

Welcome dig...This is a great place to start...What is your drinking pattern like right now?...The reason I ask..Is detoxing...If you decide to stop...Can be dangerous.

Thanks Sapling! 3-5 per night is typical right now, then weekends is more like 10 per day. When I recently quit for a week I had a headache one day and that was it for headaches. I was irritable for the first 2 days then felt great. I was very careful (in my opinion) to recognize any symptoms of withdrawal. Looking back, I felt a bit listless too one or two days.

Welcome!

You have made a good start by coming here and seeking support. I was scared to death too when I stopped drinking. I was afraid of losing my family, my health and facing all the stuff I'd been avoiding for years. Know that you can do this! :) Get rid of the alcohol in your house and don't drink today.

It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before detoxing.

That's not a huge amount...But it's enough to nip it in the bud now before it gets worse...And it will get worse. My last two years I was drinking 18 to 30 a day..All day...That beat me pretty bad. No point getting that bad...You won't have anything left...I didn't. Best thing to do is stop....Use this site for support...Always people here. I don't think you'll need medical detox...If you feel like you do...Seek medical attention. Look into some recovery programs on this site...Ask some questions...Make yourself at home.

Welcome Dig!! I definitely think your in the right place. Finding some local networking and being on here will help tons. Telling on yourself when you feel like drinking is also very helpful. Tell a close friend that know your trying to quit or a close family member. Our minds are dangerous places when we first stop drinking. Your doing something great for yourself and the bonus is you help your family too. Best of luck!!

@sapling - that is just my recent pattern. Since 2005 at least, I've been doing the 10+ a day easily... but yes its time to nip it in the bud while I still have a chance! What in your opinion should I start with? I've had the "aha" moment with not wanting to die young and leaving my wife and kids behind, but now I gotta get started seriously with the "action" moment... a week without booze was great but I failed... back at it, even if its less now!

When i decided to stop i had to stop completely. No tapering, no cutting back. I put the breaks on and decided to stop playing with fire. It's hard but when you take the decision of whether or not you're going to drink and if you are how much and for how long out of your hands it's almost a relief. Make the decision to not drink today and don't worry about tomorrow. As long as you don't drink today, it's all good.

Not sure what you mean by...What you should start with?....If you're talking about quitting I'd start with zero.

Also, have you considered AA? Many of us have found the help and fellowship we needed in AA and other 12 step programs. They're nice because they're established and they've been ptoven to work if you work them. I tried to quit on my own many times. It wasn't until i started going to AA and really comitted myself to meetings and the steps that i found sobriety. Meetings are a great starting point.

I should have been clearer Sapling - I didnt mean how much to drink or not drink -- I meant how can I commit myself to starting down a path of being sober... draw up a plan? a contract? a pledge? a promise? talk to a trusted friend (Busyb just suggested this)?

I'm the type of person that needs a plan and a vision. I do it with everything in life and I think I need something like that now. I hope that makes sense :( :)

the worst part is that we leave tomorrow for a 5 day visit to the in-laws and my parents are coming along too... my dad is not an alcoholic but we'e always enjoyed a drink while talking in the evening, he has no clue... im feeling incredibly beaten right now and want to start now but feel like this weekend is going to kick me in the face

i have also had success with AA. might be worth checking out a meeting and seeing if anything clicks.
in my experience, no matter what amount i tapered down to, i tapered myself right back up...and usually faster than i expected.
whatever you choose to do, this community is a great support.
keep posting:)

All you need to do then is write yourself a promise as simple as this. "I will not drink today." Tape it to your mirror and when you brush your teeth in the morning make the promise anew. Tomorrow doesn't matter. You can drink tomorrow. You just can't drink today. Every today. That's what gets me through. Perhaps it can help you as well. I'm a keep it simple kind of gal.

Have you talked to your wife about this? Does she know how much you are drinking? Getting her support could really help.

Something that was stressed to me in rehab (both times) was the concept about being present. Living in the present. Living for today. That's why i stress to myself my attitude of not worrying about drinking tomorrow or next week or at a dinner party or on New Years or whatever. I call worrying about those things borrowing trouble. I can prepare for them by having my nonalcoholic drinks but i'm not going to worry about them because to worry is to associate a negative emotion to an event that has yet to happen. Why would i want to do that? Instead, anticipate and prepare for it knowing that you've armed yourself with the tools you need to stay sober.

I agree with talking to the wife...It would be great if you could get through the weekend without drinking...Could always say you're taking antibiotics or something....As far as my plan went...As soon as I walked through the doors of AA I knew I was committed...I haven't had a drink since....That was a year ago.

A plan is great! Continuing your participation here at SR and having a bunch of recovery tools like these SOS, LifeRing,
SMART, CBT, DBT and AVRT will make for a great plan.

Have a look, these plans are secular in nature if that is something you prefer, otherwise AA's program may be a better fit for you. Tell me what you think?

Thank you for all the support thus far. It really makes me think I made a giant leap tonight my joining up and getting involved actively for the first time.

@Zebra - she knows and suspects, we've had several "talks" about it but I really just want to barge into the bedroom and say "IM DONE AND I NEED YOUR HELP" but I worry about worrying her and dissapointing her and I know we have a baby due in August so she doesnt need that from me right now. Like I said, I'm a functional alcoholic to a tee, I meet the description down to every last word. She probably thinks I'm okay.

@sapling - I've got a few hours to come up with a weekend plan and I will keep everyone posted on how I do...

Welcome dig. I once drank the way you do, but as I'm sure you've heard - alcoholism is a progressive disease. I didn't know what that meant back when I was in my 30's, but I found out. I drank the same amounts as Sapling in the end - a 30-pack was not unusual in a day (by then I was drinking in the morning, too - or I'd shake). I was totally dependent on it for my existence. I would never have believed it could be anything but fun & relaxing.

You are wise to be taking action now - most of us never imagine where our drinking might take us. We assume we'll always be in charge & will control the amounts - but it doesn't turn out that way for many of us. I hope you'll keep posting and reading here. SR saved me from a terrible fate.

Welcome, dig! You'll get great support here, it's a good start. Keep us posted :)

hello Dig! So glad you are here and ready to make that big jump! There is so much support here. I wish you all the luck!

Good deal dig...We'll be here...As far as telling the wife goes....You could always say something like..."You know...We talked about my drinking before...And I think I'm going to go awhile without it"....Something simple like that...Just a thought. Glad you're here dig.

welcome to SR dig - as you can see some great support here :)

D

Welcome Dig. Definitely check out AVRT in the Secular section. It totally saved me. It's also called Rational Recovery. If you google it you'll get the website. My former drinking and life situation are very similiar to yours, it is possible to stop permanently and the benefits are untold. Stick around.

ok everyone... leaving now for the vacation at the fams! no booze packed. not stopping on the way either. the big test will be when offered wine or a stiff drink at dinner tonight and in the evening while we catch up around the fire. i certainly chose a challenging weekend to introduce myself here and start out down the path i want to go... will keep everyone posted :)

I actually had a family reunion held a month into my sobriety...In the the town I live in...So I couldn't get out of it..All drinkers...If I could make it through that...I'd say you got a chance..Hang in there dig!!

Good Luck Dig!

Welcome dig! I too was a "functional alcoholic" now I'm just a recovering one. :) You sound like me only about 3 years ago when I was drinking 2 to 3 drinks on weeknights and then going nuts on the weekends.
You're in the right place here! People are very helpful and supportive here. And I agree with the others. Tell your wife. She probably already deep down knows it and she might actually be relieved to here it come out.
Itchy here once told me that the more tools you have in your toolbox, the better off you are. Many times our family members are a pretty strong asset. (I know my hubby and son are!)

Hi friends. Just an update - It was easy at first, refused drink after drink and just said I was tired from the drive. The next day I had one drink with my dad at the pool. Then the next night I drank socially at dinner. Not going to lie though, I drank all day the next. I feel like I failed, but at the same time - as a functional alcoholic I believe I would have easily spent more than $100-150 and I spent $40 this "weekend" (five days) --- we are heading home tomorrow and I plan on talking with the wife in the car. It was really bad timing, but I think my new beginning can start this week.