desertsong

Our topic at my meeting today was loneliness. We talked about how we isolated ourselves when we were drinking because it was the "natural" thing to do at the time ... but how we also tend to want to do the same thing after we've achieved sobriety. That it is possibly in our nature as alcoholics to isolate when we're struggling, whether sober or not.

It made a lot of sense to me, because I was very happy to get into my "zone" when I was drinking ... close the shades, turn on the TV, get my bottle, and just shut the world out. That was my habit, and while it made for a very lonely life, it also brought me comfort somehow. Today, with almost 4 months sober, I still often find myself wanting to creep into my own, quiet, solitary little corner of the world when I'm having a bad day ... just without the bottle.

Seems to me that loneliness is part of the alcoholic life ... we shut people out but we also alienate them with our drunken behavior. How has your life changed in this regard since you got sober ... do you still isolate when times are tough, or do you reach out? If you're still drinking, do you do it alone? Why?

Love to hear your thoughts. This topic got me thinking today.

bloss

I have 65 days this time, still struggling with isolating myself, always have...I have always thought everyone loved to be around lots of people, have been reading posts and see I am not so different...will work on it...

flutter

I think there's a big difference between isolating and being ok sitting with yourself alone. I isolated a lot when I was drinking.. I'm not a person with a bunch of friends, I'm social at work but only mildly so. I like my little family and my little world just as it is, and through recovery I have found a healthy way to spend my alone time and enjoy it (especially now since I have a 2 year old and any alone time is precious! lol).

Sapling

That's why I go to meetings DS...And hang out with AA friends...The friends I had before I quit drinking...We didn't really hang out...We drank. Usually to the point where conversation was optional. I'd be isolating when I hung out with them...So for me...A lot more time with people in the last year for me...Than the last 10. Did you use that line in the meeting that "Alcoholics are the only people that cure lonliness with isolation."?

NellieM

I drank the most socially, sipping and pouring more and sipping again. I actually had better control most of the time alone. Except for the times I didn't.

I have always said I'd rather be alone than with people I don't connect with. And there's not all that many people I connect with. Have always been a solitary soul. Yet I have good social skills and spend a lot of my workday talking to people. Introvert vs extrovert? I'm half and half.

desertsong

Ha!!! That line came up in the meeting today (not by me, but from one of our old timers) !!! Brilliant. And so true!

Sapling

I figured it would...Great line...Hit me like a 2 x 4.

desertsong

Me too!!!!

desertsong

I like the differentiation you make here, Flutter. Awesome. I "isolated" when I was drinking, but now when I have "time alone," I am actually learning to enjoy it. When I've had a challenging day, I want to retreat to my little corner of the couch and watch Lifetime movies (like I did when I was drunk), but now the goal is just to RELAX and unwind. Very different from the days I'd drown myself in a bottle. Now my time alone is just "time alone." Replenishing, restorative. What a difference.

DoinThis

I HATE being isolated but was, not by choice but after moving state and having a baby, whilst hubby worked long hours. Drinking gave me comfort during this time, blocked out the lonliness. Ive made loads new friends since but still not as busy with people as i was at home. Being sober i feel the lonliness again. Lonliness and boredom are my biggest triggers. Another good reaon to get my butt to AA huh

Busyb

I wonder about this often times myself. I work, spend time with family and friends but 50% of my daily life is spent alone. I believe that there's a balance to be found. On the rare occasion I do feel lonely I know I'm a phone call/text away from those that love me.

Sapling

I also agree with Flutter...Time alone is nice...Two fisting drinks with the blinds drawn in the dark and being afraid to answer the phone or the door is a completely different animal.

Anna

I also agree with Flutter. I definitely isolated when I was drinking. Now, I'm somewhat social, friendly at work, but I am not someone who needs to be busy or around other people all the time. It's about being comfortable in my own skin and with who I am. And, recovery has taught me to take the time to appreciate each day.

tomsteve

yup. i isolated when i drank. i can remember goin to the bar to get around people only to sit in the corner by myself.

i used to feel alone, but now i have a God and can be by myself and if i cant be ok being by myself, no one with me will make me any happier. i find it works pretty good to trust infinite God rather than our finite selves to make me happy.

i feel that the motive for wanting to be alone is rather important.

sissy07

I isolated big time when drinking. Actually, I have been isolating since I moved to Texas from Georgia almost five years ago. I am by myself now, which is very different. I still isolate, but after working all day and being "on" for 9 or 10 hours, I just want to be alone with my animals. I do need to start getting out on weekends....and I really do miss having friends to do things with. I am 10.5 months sober and have only been to one AA meeting. I need to change that, and I will eventually.

DisplacedGRITS

Since i've moved to Wisconsin i've struggled to make friends of any kind. First it was because of my alcoholism and my social anxiety. Now it's just me and my personal struggles with my self image. I don't have a job and i don't have any hobbies outside the house so i don't meet people. I'm pretty scared of people actually. I'm afraid i have nothing of substance to say and that in a social situation i'll just prattle on about nonsense that no one's interested in until everyone wants to shove a sock in my mouth. I want to talk but it's either too much or total silence. I'm afraid to make friends because so far every time i make friends i eventually have to leave them. Being alone is easier. I have my husband, i have AA meetings and i have the internet. The world is smaller now that it's online so is it really isolation?

Sapling

Hey Grits...Why don't you invite someone out for coffee after the next meeting? Pick a woman there that looks friendly and ask her...If she can't do it...Keep asking till somebody can.

auden67

To be fair to us, alcoholics are definitely not the only people who cure loneliness with isolation. It's practically a prototypical American malady. The sadness is all these people around who all feel lonely, alone.

Regarding isolation, somedays I really miss my isolation nights, locked in my apartment with booze and TV. I missed it even tonight. I just have to tell myself that wasn't that great, and find more productive ways to quiet away occasionally. And appreciate authentic social occasions for the nice gifts they are.

DisplacedGRITS

Maybe after i find a home group with some women in it. Right now all my meetings have been 90%-100% men. They've been in the downtown location close to my place but i'm going to try to farther out clubs. Thanks for the suggestion. My husband and i are going to join a gaming group too so i might make some friends there. I just feel like i'm in mourning for moving away from my old friends. I'm always moving. Grew up an Army brat and when i found friends in Alabama they moved to colleges, found friends in my adult life then i moved up here. Always on the move.

Sapling

Not me...I almost lost my fricken mind doing that.