Maybe relapsing or something.
 

I dont remember when I fell off the wagon really. I have been drinking just now and then with few disasters.
Been partying with friends ,that was really fun and nice. I have been isolating myself a lot so going out and meeting people have been good for me.

Good stuff is that I am still doing good in my job. And I will continue to work there this fall after the holidays. They are happy with me and want me to continue.

But bad stuff is that I was unable to finish my degree on time and will finishin the middle of this fall.
Other bad stuff is that I again got involved with a person who has abused me in my past , of course I was drunk ,lonely and pathetic. I really struggle with general sluttiness while drunk and hate myself afterwards. With good reasons. Last weekend I went in to a car with a guy that had beer in his car. He invited me home for drinks and I did go. He did accept that I did not want to have sex and drove me home in the morning. But still He was old and ugly and wonder what he was doing cruising at night in his car with beer in his car. I had been out with friends that wanted to go home ,But I was not satisfied. I wanted to party and drink more alcohol.

I am lucky that I did not get hurt or raped or anything.

I dont want any advice or comments. Just want to empty my thoughts and feelings.I know I am pathetic.

Blogs are good for thought keeping. My only comment.

Actually I think I want comments and advice. Things are just complicated right now. I think I am scared of being judged.

I don't think anyone here will judge you. If you want to quit and need support, then we will be here for you.

I did the things you talked about for years, I felt horrible pain and guilt but kept going back? Why? Because I am an alcoholic. It took me stopping, and saying, I'm DONE, I will never drink again. I'm NOT long time sober, but I know I am sober for good. No doubt about it. Once I said I'm done, I was able to ask God to forgive me and allow me to forgive myself. I have not done the sluttiness thing for many years but it still hurt every day.

You have to decide to change and forgive yourself, tell yourself your not that person anymore.

You won't be judged here,everybody makes mistakes what you need to do is take a little time out,re group and start again :-)

We don't judge people here. We've all done things we regret when we were in active addiction.

I'm glad you will be finishing your degree and that things are going well with your job.

Have you considered counselling? Are you planning to stop drinking completely?

I dont want any advice or comments.

then you say:

Actually I think I want comments and advice

if you havent stopped drinking, you havent relapsed. ya gotta stop drinking for that to happen. do you [B]want to stop drinking?

I have been sober for periods the last year. Been sober for months. But somehow I started to drink again I guess. But it was a choice i guess. Just a couple of beers with friends in a controlled manner. But now my drinking is starting to get me in a downwards spiral again. I have been able to stop for several months. And My dry period ended in i guess a month ago. But is one glass wine a relaps.?

Thats a rough question. I should stop ,I need to stop. It would be the smart thing to do.

But I dont want to stop. The thought of never drinking again is completely depressing and almost makes me suicidal.

Well, if that's how you feel, then you will not be successful in recovering. It's hard work and takes a lot of motivation, but as you can see if you look around SR, it's well worth it. :)

And, yeah, one glass of wine is a relapse.

Welcome back Roselian :)

Some times I think it's best to focus on the bottom line - you're drinking...and it's leading you into bad decisions, and like you say, a downward slope.

You were lucky in the scenario above - and there's so many other things that can happen to us when our common sense is impaired.

I'm worried for you.

I had to accept that however much I didn't want to stop drinking, it was destroying my life my health and my future and - in fact - it very nearly killed me.

I really hope you decide to do something about your drinking Roselian, because honestly - things really won't get any better.

D

The thought of drinking would make me suicidal. Funny how things change when you make a decision.

I'll judge you. As a non recovered alcoholic. We have all been there so I judge you to be one of us if you truly want to quit, and in the right place. If you don't want to quit then Sober Recovery by its very name may be the wrong place to be, but a great place to start that scary process.

So about that addiction, I will ask you what those guys always ask on Pawn Stars. You want to pawn that addiction for awhile, so you can get it any time, or sell it for good?

Congrats on landing here, nothing happens without a reason.

Oh my GOD. This is scary. My mom died two years ago and I have one photo of her on my wall.The truth is I am drinking now because I had my last workday for the summer.

And she would have hated this.

But the picture of her fell down on the floor. I am not kidding. I was just sitting in my couch writing and relaxing and bang.


Freaky.:scared:

Ok I am sorry. I will come back when I sober up and I need to quit drinking again soon. Sorry guys and thanks for answering. I will be fine ; )