Hello! Kind of Long Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 6
Hello! Kind of Long Introduction
Been reading some threads here on and off the last year, thought I'd stay a while. 28 year old male in Minneapolis if that makes a difference...
I seem to have a problem with alcohol. Usually binge drink on the weekends, maybe 5-6. I don't drink during the week, but on weekends I definitely plan the evening around booze. Sometimes I sneak it into the house or pour the drinks when nobody's looking. Starts out with 1-2 drinks to relax, and after that I can't stop until I'm ready for bed. It doesn't seem healthy.
Why do I want to quit?
First, my health. I'm 40 pounds overweight (beer belly) and lately I've been getting heartburn, nagging bugs, I'm tired, and am just plain out of shape. I try and eat healthy and stay active, but the weight just keeps going up.
Second, my family. I've got a wonderful young son and a great girlfriend and really feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Last year I got out of a terrible relationship with my son's mother who was running around and left me to deal with everything on my own and clean up after her problems. Now things are looking up and I want to be a better father and person.
What's standing in my way?
Well, I always seem to find excuses. "I'll start on Monday" or "after this upcoming event" or whatever. "I'll stick to beer" and "only two drinks at a time" and "only twice a month." All kinds of things I come up with.
I don't have the resolve. It's not a major problem so it's harder to confront or accept. And it's kind of embarrassing...I hate feeling like a screw-up so I worry that if I tell people I want to stop and then I slip up, they're going to judge me or look down on me.
Then there's the "good times" thing. Always think about the "good times" I go out for drinks with friends, or just sitting back with a few beers watching a movie, or whatever. I avoid just relaxing and enjoying myself without booze.
Anyways, that's my story. Haven't drank since Sunday, going out of town this weekend and going to have a nice excuse to not drink (I have a cold), but next week will be tough as it's my birthday and we usually go for drinks during the day and dinner and drinks at night.
I seem to have a problem with alcohol. Usually binge drink on the weekends, maybe 5-6. I don't drink during the week, but on weekends I definitely plan the evening around booze. Sometimes I sneak it into the house or pour the drinks when nobody's looking. Starts out with 1-2 drinks to relax, and after that I can't stop until I'm ready for bed. It doesn't seem healthy.
Why do I want to quit?
First, my health. I'm 40 pounds overweight (beer belly) and lately I've been getting heartburn, nagging bugs, I'm tired, and am just plain out of shape. I try and eat healthy and stay active, but the weight just keeps going up.
Second, my family. I've got a wonderful young son and a great girlfriend and really feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Last year I got out of a terrible relationship with my son's mother who was running around and left me to deal with everything on my own and clean up after her problems. Now things are looking up and I want to be a better father and person.
What's standing in my way?
Well, I always seem to find excuses. "I'll start on Monday" or "after this upcoming event" or whatever. "I'll stick to beer" and "only two drinks at a time" and "only twice a month." All kinds of things I come up with.
I don't have the resolve. It's not a major problem so it's harder to confront or accept. And it's kind of embarrassing...I hate feeling like a screw-up so I worry that if I tell people I want to stop and then I slip up, they're going to judge me or look down on me.
Then there's the "good times" thing. Always think about the "good times" I go out for drinks with friends, or just sitting back with a few beers watching a movie, or whatever. I avoid just relaxing and enjoying myself without booze.
Anyways, that's my story. Haven't drank since Sunday, going out of town this weekend and going to have a nice excuse to not drink (I have a cold), but next week will be tough as it's my birthday and we usually go for drinks during the day and dinner and drinks at night.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi,
Welcome!
It takes a lot of motivation to stop drinking and to recover, and you'll find lots of support here. As far as telling other people, I didn't do that either. I felt very vulnerable and I didn't want to be thrown off track by someone's comment. And, I decided that the recovery journey was going to be very personal for me.
Welcome!
It takes a lot of motivation to stop drinking and to recover, and you'll find lots of support here. As far as telling other people, I didn't do that either. I felt very vulnerable and I didn't want to be thrown off track by someone's comment. And, I decided that the recovery journey was going to be very personal for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Welcome to SR!
It's been awhile since I was 28, but all of these statements could have applied to me.
I seem to have a problem with alcohol. Usually binge drink on the weekends . . .
on weekends I definitely plan the evening around booze . . .
I sneak it into the house or pour the drinks when nobody's looking . . .
Starts out with 1-2 drinks to relax, and after that I can't stop until I'm ready for bed . . .
The problem with alcoholism is that it's progressive. Fast forward 10 years and your statements might read
I have a problem with alcohol, I drink everyday . . .
I plan my drinking every day, I make sure I don't run out at home, and I rotate among the stores where I buy booze . . .
I usually drink alone . . .
I need to drink several drinks to relax and I usually go to bed drunk (or with a BAC that would cause me to get arrested if I drove) . . .
Stick around SR, this place can really help!
It's been awhile since I was 28, but all of these statements could have applied to me.
I seem to have a problem with alcohol. Usually binge drink on the weekends . . .
on weekends I definitely plan the evening around booze . . .
I sneak it into the house or pour the drinks when nobody's looking . . .
Starts out with 1-2 drinks to relax, and after that I can't stop until I'm ready for bed . . .
The problem with alcoholism is that it's progressive. Fast forward 10 years and your statements might read
I have a problem with alcohol, I drink everyday . . .
I plan my drinking every day, I make sure I don't run out at home, and I rotate among the stores where I buy booze . . .
I usually drink alone . . .
I need to drink several drinks to relax and I usually go to bed drunk (or with a BAC that would cause me to get arrested if I drove) . . .
Stick around SR, this place can really help!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 55
Welcome!
Like yourself I've just started this journey as well, day 1, and just found this forum today and already received so many positive and welcoming responses that it's helped me to deal with the wave of emotions that come with the decision to never drinking again. Know that you're not alone and that others are walking this road as well.
Steve
Like yourself I've just started this journey as well, day 1, and just found this forum today and already received so many positive and welcoming responses that it's helped me to deal with the wave of emotions that come with the decision to never drinking again. Know that you're not alone and that others are walking this road as well.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 189
Welcome! We are here for you. It took me 10 sober days to even tell my husband. No one else knows. I don't feel like I should HAVE to say something, maybe just lead by example is what I mean.
I googled AVRT crash course and it helped me ALOT! Maybe try it. Good luck.
I googled AVRT crash course and it helped me ALOT! Maybe try it. Good luck.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,938
Welcome to SR JL83
Good on you for choosing a new start in life alcohol free. Continued posting here at SR is great way to have some accountability. Maybe join-in on a daily check-in thread like the Class of June 2012 Part 2 - SoberRecovery to help you with your motivation.
Good on you for choosing a new start in life alcohol free. Continued posting here at SR is great way to have some accountability. Maybe join-in on a daily check-in thread like the Class of June 2012 Part 2 - SoberRecovery to help you with your motivation.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Very pleased to meet you, JR. I had a similar problem once, long ago. I didn't try to stop, though, and my binge drinking turned into 24/7 drinking as an older person. It's good that you're taking action now. The fact that you're sneaking it is a concern, so I'm glad you've seen the light. We're happy to have you here! Keep talking to us - we want to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone!
Read through the first 1/3 of Rational Recovery last night for the second time. Wish he spent more time on the practical application of AVRT instead of bashing AA. Oh well.
Not drinking is pretty easy for the first few days for me...but it's when it gets to the social situations or "events" that I have problems. For me I have to really focus on my mindset to never drink again, which is a scary thought, as opposed to "taking a break" or moderation, which is of course setting myself up for failure.
In light of that, I'm trying to focus on how I will benefit from not drinking, really visualizing and trying to see all the details. I'm also trying to role play different scenarios in my mind and how I will not drink. I read Psycho Cybernetics a month ago and it made quite a bit of sense. Trying to apply that here.
So a plan would probably help me out, just a matter of focusing on it and coming up with it.
Read through the first 1/3 of Rational Recovery last night for the second time. Wish he spent more time on the practical application of AVRT instead of bashing AA. Oh well.
Not drinking is pretty easy for the first few days for me...but it's when it gets to the social situations or "events" that I have problems. For me I have to really focus on my mindset to never drink again, which is a scary thought, as opposed to "taking a break" or moderation, which is of course setting myself up for failure.
In light of that, I'm trying to focus on how I will benefit from not drinking, really visualizing and trying to see all the details. I'm also trying to role play different scenarios in my mind and how I will not drink. I read Psycho Cybernetics a month ago and it made quite a bit of sense. Trying to apply that here.
So a plan would probably help me out, just a matter of focusing on it and coming up with it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 96
For me I have to really focus on my mindset to never drink again, which is a scary thought
Interesting statement...It's "scary" to think you can never drink again??? ask yourself why?.....then i suggest watching a very compelling documentary that i myself just watched...many here have seen it. If I were'nt already sober...this documentary would have done the trick. You can find it on youtube... its called "Rain in my heart"...its in 10 segments... i highly suggest it!
btw..welcome to SR and best of luck to you!!!
Interesting statement...It's "scary" to think you can never drink again??? ask yourself why?.....then i suggest watching a very compelling documentary that i myself just watched...many here have seen it. If I were'nt already sober...this documentary would have done the trick. You can find it on youtube... its called "Rain in my heart"...its in 10 segments... i highly suggest it!
btw..welcome to SR and best of luck to you!!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I had issues with any person or group that did or does any bashing of another recovery program too. I used everything. Then I dropped what wasn't working, or was actually hurting if applicable, my sobriety. Kind of the one man's meat is another man's poison approach allowing me to live and let live in my recovery.
As far as not telling people and living in fear of that, well, that effectively leaves out any local face to face help doesn't it? I did an in hospital detox with the VA, did one on one and group counseling, had my GP totally in the loop as well as my VA doc, and I used AA as well as my wife, friends, and other family. So much for being private. Know what? It was news for maybe a week. You are only half right about human nature. People do look down on poor drunks like you will be when your dependence on alcohol progresses. But the news that someone overcame their drinking problem is not dirty secrets that are juicy enough to be grist for the gossip mill.
I read that every day and saw it too at meetings. That fear of anybody finding out until they recovered as if they were planning on failing in the big push. You are doing something different this time by coming here. Good move. But don't let your past
failures sandbag your future success. I decided to quit tomorrow every morning too.
Then I got serious, and decided to stop doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. I could not do it alone so I got help. I started by telling my Doc how much I was really drinking, and then detox and counseling, AA, and here.
You are smart to not let it progress any farther now.
How is it progressive? There is no mystery about that, it is simply that the longer and more I drank, the higher my tolerance became, and I had to drink more and more to get the same effect. Then I woke up one morning and was shaking so much I had a shot of scotch in my first coffee. I was working then and soon needed a few shots in several coffees before work, and was on eggshells the last half of every day to get home and drink another12 beers and wine and scotch rocks water and a twist. Since I have a fine retirement with health care I retired and then for my last two years drinking, I could drink steady all day. drinking just two drinks an hour I wasn't slurring or stumbling or blacking out, but add up 16 hours awake times two drinks an hour with four in the first to get the buzz going. Well over 30 drinks a day, every day
I never hid it, and some envied me being retired with a cold beer in my hand at 9AM.
Now I pretty much just use SR but from day one my non face to face support has been here and reading on the SMART recovery website and their pubs, as they have no issue with folks like me who take some from one program, a bit from another and so on. I had a great AA home group that were fine with my sobriety ecumenism. The first two groups I tried weren't as open to one who just wanted to listen, speak in turn, and stay sober. Nothing else. Between those great folks at my AA home group for my first three months, SR to date, and reading a lot of SMART! which is similar to the AVRT folks without the rhetoric about others. Go here and listen to the 3 minute video and read the last paragraph. They may be what you are looking for here:
Introduction to SMART RecoveryŽ
As far as not telling people and living in fear of that, well, that effectively leaves out any local face to face help doesn't it? I did an in hospital detox with the VA, did one on one and group counseling, had my GP totally in the loop as well as my VA doc, and I used AA as well as my wife, friends, and other family. So much for being private. Know what? It was news for maybe a week. You are only half right about human nature. People do look down on poor drunks like you will be when your dependence on alcohol progresses. But the news that someone overcame their drinking problem is not dirty secrets that are juicy enough to be grist for the gossip mill.
I read that every day and saw it too at meetings. That fear of anybody finding out until they recovered as if they were planning on failing in the big push. You are doing something different this time by coming here. Good move. But don't let your past
failures sandbag your future success. I decided to quit tomorrow every morning too.
Then I got serious, and decided to stop doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. I could not do it alone so I got help. I started by telling my Doc how much I was really drinking, and then detox and counseling, AA, and here.
You are smart to not let it progress any farther now.
How is it progressive? There is no mystery about that, it is simply that the longer and more I drank, the higher my tolerance became, and I had to drink more and more to get the same effect. Then I woke up one morning and was shaking so much I had a shot of scotch in my first coffee. I was working then and soon needed a few shots in several coffees before work, and was on eggshells the last half of every day to get home and drink another12 beers and wine and scotch rocks water and a twist. Since I have a fine retirement with health care I retired and then for my last two years drinking, I could drink steady all day. drinking just two drinks an hour I wasn't slurring or stumbling or blacking out, but add up 16 hours awake times two drinks an hour with four in the first to get the buzz going. Well over 30 drinks a day, every day
I never hid it, and some envied me being retired with a cold beer in my hand at 9AM.
Now I pretty much just use SR but from day one my non face to face support has been here and reading on the SMART recovery website and their pubs, as they have no issue with folks like me who take some from one program, a bit from another and so on. I had a great AA home group that were fine with my sobriety ecumenism. The first two groups I tried weren't as open to one who just wanted to listen, speak in turn, and stay sober. Nothing else. Between those great folks at my AA home group for my first three months, SR to date, and reading a lot of SMART! which is similar to the AVRT folks without the rhetoric about others. Go here and listen to the 3 minute video and read the last paragraph. They may be what you are looking for here:
Introduction to SMART RecoveryŽ
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 6
I watched about 15 minutes of that documentary. It doesn't really affect me one way or the other. That kind of alcoholic behavior is foreign to me.
Gotta say it's been a terrible day. Extraordinarily moody and grumpy, pessimistic, and angry. Job related. Feel like **** and would love to have some drinks. But instead I guess I'll just eat a bunch of ****** food and get fatter.
Gotta say it's been a terrible day. Extraordinarily moody and grumpy, pessimistic, and angry. Job related. Feel like **** and would love to have some drinks. But instead I guess I'll just eat a bunch of ****** food and get fatter.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
