ViciousCycle

OK, I guess I just need to vent or just write to myself....my year is coming up a week from today. We are headed to the mountains camping, just for a couple nights around the 4th. I am starting to feel a "pull." Maybe a "nagging." Out in the woods........no work, no responsibilities........why not kind of thinking......"I made it a year, why not have a reward?" kind of thinking. It's subtle..........way back there just whispering.........but I hear it.

It's a crappy feeling. It's an uneasy feeling. It feels "unfinished?" Does that make sense? Like something just isn't done....like there would be some great deprivation if I did not load up on some beer to take.....there you would be way out in the woods and UNABLE to go get any...you have EARNED this.............you quit for a year, you can do this now..........just for this trip.............I could go on and on.

WTF??????????????????????????????????????????????? ????

:

Sapling

What's kept you sober for a year?

Live2Run25

DON'T Do it!!! I think a lot of people relapse at the year mark. It's like you feel like you said "oh I've made it a year.." DON'T do it. A couple drinking days in the mountains are not worth throwing away all that time. Go, enjoy nature, the sunrises, the silence, the feeling of not needing to be anywhere, but go and REMEMBER it. Please, don't drink.

serious

well, since you'll have no access to alcohol... then do not bring any with you. as far as fighting the voice, what kind of reward is it to undermine everything you worked on so hard for a year? imo, it's self-destruction, rather than reward.

Jabbadabutt

Been there. In the end I could not make up my mind. I still can't and its been almost six months more than a year. I am enjoying indecision !! I just keep reminding myself that life became so much less complicated when I stopped drinking. For me, it is not worth the risk of letting it control my life again.

It is just easier when living in a submarine to not try and open the window.

freshstart57

The voice that is telling you to mark one year of sobriety with a blackout weekend is the same voice that told you to drink daily at risk to your health, job, marriage, soul, and so on. You remember, right? You know it doesn't come from the thinking feeling hoping dreaming caring respecting part of you, it comes from that part of you that will risk everything once again just to get plastered. You decided not to listen to it when you chose sobriety, and you don't have to listen to it now.

The concept of deprivation depends on your values. Do you value staying up til 4 am, throwing up in the morning, feeling like garbage until supper when you can start drinking again? Or do you value being present for the whole trip, able to appreciate and remember ever last detail? Watching a sunrise on a lake while the mist rises and clears is very nice.

I know you will enjoy your camping trip sober. It will be different for sure, but it will unquestionably be better.

Freeport

I'm three years sober and a regular wilderness camper. Used to drink on past trips, but obviously don't anymore. You might just surprise yourself, Vicious, on how much you don't miss it or even want it during your trip. You're going to be so busy having a great time, enjoying wonderful scenery, and challenging your body physically that you won't want or need alcohol.

My only caution about anniversaries is that feeling I sometimes encounter of "This is it?" No one is going to throw you a parade for one-year of sobriety. Most people have no clue how hard you've worked to achieve this milestone, so they don't respect it. My advice would either be to roll with it -- like I have -- or find someone live and in person who's struggled with sobriety to share your milestone. Of course, post on SR and you'll hear lots of applause.

Have a great trip and stay sober. Take it one day at a time like you have the past 365.

sober4myboys

I will make an SR parade if you won't drink next week... I'll figure something out lol. Congrats on your time and dedication, don't let the voice steer you wrong, its a bad voice. You will remember your weekend if you stay sober. You can do it!

least

Don't do it.

Dee74

go back and read your old posts W...all that stuff...that's what you'd be risking if you listen to that voice.

It common for people to go a bit wonky at 'milestone' periods....not saying it's PAWs but this made sense to me when I was a little wobbly...

PAWS | Digital Dharma

you've accomplished a lot over the last year - an amazing amount of stuff - that's reality and what you need to focus on - stay on that path

D

Dalek

I posted about this phenomenon recently, which I interpreted as I understand it through AVRT. It may help you to see why this would be occurring a week prior to your one year anniversary. "The Beast" is essentially your addiction, BTW.

From Nervousness around anniversary

Ready2Bmeagain

Please give it everything you've got to push that voice out. I have relapsed twice. Once at the six month mark and the last time at the 1 year mark. It took me three years to get back sober after the relapse at the 1 year mark.