New Member Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 55
New Member Introduction
Hi everyone,
My name is Steve, I'm 37 and I stumbled across this forum while I was looking for ways to quit drinking. A little about my drinking. I use to drink just about everyday for many years. Over the past 5 years or so I slowed down a bit to drinking a few days a week. But, I continue to face the problem that most of the time when I do drink I can't have just one. The switch in the head flips and down goes 4-5-6 or more drinks, usually more, as was the case last night. So I woke up today, hung over and dissapointed yet again in myself for not having better control and negatively affecting my health and potentially the relationships with those around me. So I decided that this has got to stop, I have a little girl and wife to think about and can't keep doing this even if it is only 1-2 nights a week (which I rationalize by saying to myself "well I don't drink everyday so there's nothing wrong with this.")
The attempts to stop drinking in the past have not worked all that well. I'm good for 2 weeks or so, then the cycle start again, I feel stressed and pressure builds up and I have one drink here one drink there to release the pressure valve sort of speak then all of a sudden another day of 4+ drinks then the hangover and regret.
As I start day 1 what advise are those further down the road willing to share to 1. stop using the drink as a release valve for pressure. 2. How to deal with that little voice that says "eh, I haven't had a drink in a week and a half it's ok to go to the garage listen to the ball game and have a couple."
3. How to remember/remind myself that when I go out that I'm not to order a drink as it is so second nature that I don't think twice about it?
Well, I think I rambled on long enough, thanks for letting me get this out and for having a place to be able to get it out.
Steve
My name is Steve, I'm 37 and I stumbled across this forum while I was looking for ways to quit drinking. A little about my drinking. I use to drink just about everyday for many years. Over the past 5 years or so I slowed down a bit to drinking a few days a week. But, I continue to face the problem that most of the time when I do drink I can't have just one. The switch in the head flips and down goes 4-5-6 or more drinks, usually more, as was the case last night. So I woke up today, hung over and dissapointed yet again in myself for not having better control and negatively affecting my health and potentially the relationships with those around me. So I decided that this has got to stop, I have a little girl and wife to think about and can't keep doing this even if it is only 1-2 nights a week (which I rationalize by saying to myself "well I don't drink everyday so there's nothing wrong with this.")
The attempts to stop drinking in the past have not worked all that well. I'm good for 2 weeks or so, then the cycle start again, I feel stressed and pressure builds up and I have one drink here one drink there to release the pressure valve sort of speak then all of a sudden another day of 4+ drinks then the hangover and regret.
As I start day 1 what advise are those further down the road willing to share to 1. stop using the drink as a release valve for pressure. 2. How to deal with that little voice that says "eh, I haven't had a drink in a week and a half it's ok to go to the garage listen to the ball game and have a couple."
3. How to remember/remind myself that when I go out that I'm not to order a drink as it is so second nature that I don't think twice about it?
Well, I think I rambled on long enough, thanks for letting me get this out and for having a place to be able to get it out.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
Welcome to SR, Steve! This is a great place to share experience, learn from others, and get support.
Facing honestly the undeniable lack of control is crucial. When I realized that 99.9% of the time when I pick up one drink it becomes many many more, and often continues for more than a week, I came to understand that the only way to characterize my behavior was as alcoholic. I still struggle with this idea, and I have 19 days of sobriety since a bad relapse (which began by picking up just one. As an AA friend said, we are all at arm's length from relapse--no matter how much sober time we have). I was struggling today, thinking about all the summer time activities that for me were always, for at least 20 years, booze saturated. I thought, "wow, now I have to figure out "how to live" sober. It's not easy, but a better life awaits, without family strife, health problems, misery, and days of terrible sickness.
I wish you all the best!
Facing honestly the undeniable lack of control is crucial. When I realized that 99.9% of the time when I pick up one drink it becomes many many more, and often continues for more than a week, I came to understand that the only way to characterize my behavior was as alcoholic. I still struggle with this idea, and I have 19 days of sobriety since a bad relapse (which began by picking up just one. As an AA friend said, we are all at arm's length from relapse--no matter how much sober time we have). I was struggling today, thinking about all the summer time activities that for me were always, for at least 20 years, booze saturated. I thought, "wow, now I have to figure out "how to live" sober. It's not easy, but a better life awaits, without family strife, health problems, misery, and days of terrible sickness.
I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR!
I'll answer your questions.
1. Dealing with pressure/stress by drinking usually makes it worse. It may appear to help at the time but afterwards it just feels worse. I think drinking alcohol to 'relax' is a very common issue, but that doesn't mean it is sensible. I can't tell you how YOU would be able to replace that crutch, but I started baking to take my mind off things. I found it very therapeutic. Do you have any hobbies that you can go to when you're feeling under pressure?
2. That little voice needs to be put in its place. It's my worst enemy, and it masquerades itself as a friend, a lot of the time. But I've learnt to understand it and deal with it, and not give it too much of my time. I find that just knowing that it isn't me, it's the voice of addiction, has really helped. In the beginning it was harder to ignore it, but every time it speaks to me now, I know that I've come too far to give it any time or worth. I know that it is not part of the real me and I push it to one side. Recognising that voice is a good step towards not allowing it to control you. Remember that it is just a voice, nothing more. You are the one in control of your actions and your thought processes, and over time that voice will be there less and less.
3. Make it known to everyone that you no longer drink. This way, you will already be prepared to order a soft drink and also, nobody else will put an alcoholic drink in front of you.
Good luck!
I'll answer your questions.
1. Dealing with pressure/stress by drinking usually makes it worse. It may appear to help at the time but afterwards it just feels worse. I think drinking alcohol to 'relax' is a very common issue, but that doesn't mean it is sensible. I can't tell you how YOU would be able to replace that crutch, but I started baking to take my mind off things. I found it very therapeutic. Do you have any hobbies that you can go to when you're feeling under pressure?
2. That little voice needs to be put in its place. It's my worst enemy, and it masquerades itself as a friend, a lot of the time. But I've learnt to understand it and deal with it, and not give it too much of my time. I find that just knowing that it isn't me, it's the voice of addiction, has really helped. In the beginning it was harder to ignore it, but every time it speaks to me now, I know that I've come too far to give it any time or worth. I know that it is not part of the real me and I push it to one side. Recognising that voice is a good step towards not allowing it to control you. Remember that it is just a voice, nothing more. You are the one in control of your actions and your thought processes, and over time that voice will be there less and less.
3. Make it known to everyone that you no longer drink. This way, you will already be prepared to order a soft drink and also, nobody else will put an alcoholic drink in front of you.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Waltham Abbey
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by Steve07 
Hi everyone,
My name is Steve, I'm 37 and I stumbled across this forum while I was looking for ways to quit drinking. A little about my drinking. I use to drink just about everyday for many years. Over the past 5 years or so I slowed down a bit to drinking a few days a week. But, I continue to face the problem that most of the time when I do drink I can't have just one. The switch in the head flips and down goes 4-5-6 or more drinks, usually more, as was the case last night. So I woke up today, hung over and dissapointed yet again in myself for not having better control and negatively affecting my health and potentially the relationships with those around me. So I decided that this has got to stop, I have a little girl and wife to think about and can't keep doing this even if it is only 1-2 nights a week (which I rationalize by saying to myself "well I don't drink everyday so there's nothing wrong with this.")
The attempts to stop drinking in the past have not worked all that well. I'm good for 2 weeks or so, then the cycle start again, I feel stressed and pressure builds up and I have one drink here one drink there to release the pressure valve sort of speak then all of a sudden another day of 4+ drinks then the hangover and regret.
As I start day 1 what advise are those further down the road willing to share to 1. stop using the drink as a release valve for pressure. 2. How to deal with that little voice that says "eh, I haven't had a drink in a week and a half it's ok to go to the garage listen to the ball game and have a couple."
3. How to remember/remind myself that when I go out that I'm not to order a drink as it is so second nature that I don't think twice about it?
Well, I think I rambled on long enough, thanks for letting me get this out and for having a place to be able to get it out.
Steve
My name is Steve, I'm 37 and I stumbled across this forum while I was looking for ways to quit drinking. A little about my drinking. I use to drink just about everyday for many years. Over the past 5 years or so I slowed down a bit to drinking a few days a week. But, I continue to face the problem that most of the time when I do drink I can't have just one. The switch in the head flips and down goes 4-5-6 or more drinks, usually more, as was the case last night. So I woke up today, hung over and dissapointed yet again in myself for not having better control and negatively affecting my health and potentially the relationships with those around me. So I decided that this has got to stop, I have a little girl and wife to think about and can't keep doing this even if it is only 1-2 nights a week (which I rationalize by saying to myself "well I don't drink everyday so there's nothing wrong with this.")
The attempts to stop drinking in the past have not worked all that well. I'm good for 2 weeks or so, then the cycle start again, I feel stressed and pressure builds up and I have one drink here one drink there to release the pressure valve sort of speak then all of a sudden another day of 4+ drinks then the hangover and regret.
As I start day 1 what advise are those further down the road willing to share to 1. stop using the drink as a release valve for pressure. 2. How to deal with that little voice that says "eh, I haven't had a drink in a week and a half it's ok to go to the garage listen to the ball game and have a couple."
3. How to remember/remind myself that when I go out that I'm not to order a drink as it is so second nature that I don't think twice about it?
Well, I think I rambled on long enough, thanks for letting me get this out and for having a place to be able to get it out.
Steve
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome, Steve!
I think it helped me a lot to realize that 'the voice' was just that, no more. It didn't control me. When you hear it, recognize it, and then let it go.
I think you will find that each time you get through a craving, it will make the next time a bit easier. For me, that's how it worked.
I think it helped me a lot to realize that 'the voice' was just that, no more. It didn't control me. When you hear it, recognize it, and then let it go.
I think you will find that each time you get through a craving, it will make the next time a bit easier. For me, that's how it worked.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I don't think it matters what method the sober folks have used to get and stay that way, we can all agree that a single drink will mess up the whole dang thing. So, we don't have one. Stay in charge, you always get to chose whether to take that first drink or not, and it can't happen without your permission and action.
Dealing with stress for a change after years of making it worse by drinking turns out to be a relief. Those issues that were terrifying while we were drinking are now not so bad. If you are sober, then there are all sorts of things we can do to reduce stress in our lives. Look around you - what do people who don't drink do with their time? Try that.
That voice is nicely described by MrsKing. I can't add anything to that, except, if you want to know more about it and this way of staying securely and permanently sober, learn some more about AVRT on our Secular Connections forum.
How do you remind yourself that you don't order a drink if you are at a restaurant? After a while it becomes second nature, because drinking is something you don't do. You used to do that but it will never happen again.
Good luck on your journey, Steve, and please keep posting here on SR.
Dealing with stress for a change after years of making it worse by drinking turns out to be a relief. Those issues that were terrifying while we were drinking are now not so bad. If you are sober, then there are all sorts of things we can do to reduce stress in our lives. Look around you - what do people who don't drink do with their time? Try that.
That voice is nicely described by MrsKing. I can't add anything to that, except, if you want to know more about it and this way of staying securely and permanently sober, learn some more about AVRT on our Secular Connections forum.
How do you remind yourself that you don't order a drink if you are at a restaurant? After a while it becomes second nature, because drinking is something you don't do. You used to do that but it will never happen again.
Good luck on your journey, Steve, and please keep posting here on SR.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
1. yes, yes, YES! stop. you know very well that the "pressure release" is only temporary. and when you wake up the next day, the pressure is worse and now you are faced with a hangover and internal feelings of guilt, which makes everything worse than it was before your first drink.
2. AVRT
3. Remember why you are making this decision in the first place. You are sound and rational in your thinking... we do not seem to have an "off" switch, where we can just stop after one or two drinks. For us it is all or nothing. Think about your loved ones and your own health. The number of benefits you'll gain, by not having that first drink is countless. There are more precious things in life than beer (or your alcohol of choice).
2. AVRT
3. Remember why you are making this decision in the first place. You are sound and rational in your thinking... we do not seem to have an "off" switch, where we can just stop after one or two drinks. For us it is all or nothing. Think about your loved ones and your own health. The number of benefits you'll gain, by not having that first drink is countless. There are more precious things in life than beer (or your alcohol of choice).
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Welcome steve! Everyone has already nailed it, so i'm here to say hello. Stay in touch with us. This board has helped me reach 25 days. I don't know what i'd do with out it.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,889
Originally Posted by MrsKing
Remember that it is just a voice, nothing more. You are the one in control of your actions and your thought processes, and over time that voice will be there less and less.
Knowing that the 'voice' (AV as known to AVRT ) is powerless unless I give it power.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Steve!
What helped me the most was the experience/support of other people who knew what I was going through, like the folks here at SR. Just reading here every day keeps me motivated.
Dealing with stress is a big thing for me, too. Most of it I bring on myself..... that means that I also have the power to change it. Cutting back on obligations, changing my negative self-talk, and staying in the moment (taking my life one day at a time) are a few of the things that have helped me.
It's a process though, so be patient with yourself. At first, it's enough just to deal with not picking up a drink for the next day or next hour. What seems like deprivation at first eventually becomes a sense of freedom and a positive journey towards being the best we can be.
What helped me the most was the experience/support of other people who knew what I was going through, like the folks here at SR. Just reading here every day keeps me motivated.
Dealing with stress is a big thing for me, too. Most of it I bring on myself..... that means that I also have the power to change it. Cutting back on obligations, changing my negative self-talk, and staying in the moment (taking my life one day at a time) are a few of the things that have helped me.
It's a process though, so be patient with yourself. At first, it's enough just to deal with not picking up a drink for the next day or next hour. What seems like deprivation at first eventually becomes a sense of freedom and a positive journey towards being the best we can be.
A girl can dream...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Recovery Road
Posts: 388
Hi Steve and welcome! Everyone else has summed it up pretty good so I suggest looking into their suggestions and seeing what works.
I too felt I could have 'just' one or two drinks but it just doesn't seem to work that way. I recently realized that when I reread A LOT of journal entries I wrote over the years. All of them start with 'I thought I could have just one...' and ended with 'I can't believe what I ended up drinking last night...'. I finally wanted to stop feeling hungover and riddled with shame and guilt every morning which has been 95% of all the mornings over the past 12 years. No lie.
Find a substitute - excercise, reading, anything you like to do just to take your mind off booze. You'll find with strength and time that little voice will grow quieter and quieter. I don't imagine it ever disappears but we'll learn to give it less and less control.
I'm going to look into this AVRT topic myself. Let's find something that'll work! Keep checking in here regularly - even if you don't feel like posting it's great to hear other people's thoughts and stories!
I too felt I could have 'just' one or two drinks but it just doesn't seem to work that way. I recently realized that when I reread A LOT of journal entries I wrote over the years. All of them start with 'I thought I could have just one...' and ended with 'I can't believe what I ended up drinking last night...'. I finally wanted to stop feeling hungover and riddled with shame and guilt every morning which has been 95% of all the mornings over the past 12 years. No lie.
Find a substitute - excercise, reading, anything you like to do just to take your mind off booze. You'll find with strength and time that little voice will grow quieter and quieter. I don't imagine it ever disappears but we'll learn to give it less and less control.
I'm going to look into this AVRT topic myself. Let's find something that'll work! Keep checking in here regularly - even if you don't feel like posting it's great to hear other people's thoughts and stories!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Thinking about the idea of an 'off switch', and whether we have one or not. I am beginning to think we do have one, 'ceptin' it's really an 'on switch', it works both ways you see. We don't talk about a off light switch, so why would we talk about an off alcohol switch. It's just an light switch. Leave the alcohol switch in the off position and the drinking thing goes away.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi Steve
I think it's important, vital even,. to accept that drinking is not the best way to deal with stress/pressure - it creates a lot more problems than it solves in my opinion.
Support is pretty important in staying sober I think, and will really help with your points #2 and #3.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Like others have suggested here, I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
welcome aboard
D
I think it's important, vital even,. to accept that drinking is not the best way to deal with stress/pressure - it creates a lot more problems than it solves in my opinion.
Support is pretty important in staying sober I think, and will really help with your points #2 and #3.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Like others have suggested here, I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
welcome aboard
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
Welcome Steve, I started this site 2 days ago and the support has been tremendous. I have also the same problem but when I drink it is only on the weekends but when I do it is about a fifth a day. I have been turning down invites to events I know their will be drinking at because I know myself. How is the detox going for you? I also know all about being mad at myself in the morning. I think everyone is mad at me and then beat myself up for blacking out all weekend. From what I hear it does get better. GOOD LUCK!
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