Hi all.....
 

I feel my situation is very strange, but I'm sure everyone must feel this way at first. This is the first time I have ever reached out for help, and am just looking for some guidance. I am of course writing this while I sit here with a beer in hand. I am confused as to whether I have a sexual addiction, or am just a plain alcoholic or both(probably), and really don't know which angle to come from as far as treatment. My wife and I have been married about 4 years and are both swingers. I'm sure for most people the latter is a huge deal breaker on the relationship, but where I think my situation is weird is that both of us enjoy the sexual proclivities, but it is always centered around drinking, in all honesty we have a very deep and direct connection. I am not sure it is codependency, or at least my interpretation of it, it is more like we are drinking buddies at times, with a very direct and open communication. Lately I feel like like my drinking has turned from functioning to non. Drinking used to be a party (and for both of us), but now drinking has got to the point that when I drink I just want to sleep the whole day away, but start over tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like I can stop drinking at any time, and we did it for a few months at beginning of the year, and usually even when I was drinking would always rationalize it and work out extra hard the next day or whatever, and it was great! Now I feel like I am totally off the wagon so to speak. I know I don't want to live like this.

Welcome to SR zmanoh :)
If you think something is a problem then it almost certainly is.

There are recovery groups from alcoholism and for sex addiction too if you thinkthats another problem?

You'll find a lot of support here for your alcohol problems :)

we deal with substance abuse here mostly but I can give to links to other sites if you're worried about the other parts of your life too :)

D

You sound alot like me... Besides the swinging. I am on Day 2 here after 8 years of not remembering a day of TOTAL sobriety. Did I get drunk every night no. A beer or two here... A case the next night so on and so forth. But always up bright and early for work. Mondays are the worst because tend to drink Hangovers away in the AM. But I was functioning. I just came to term this weekend when I drank WAYYY to much functioned but out of control. Tired of the black outs. Not one to make a fool of my self (usually) but I lost everything IE:Wallet, cell phone car keys and had no idea were they were. I am just taking this day by day see how my body reacts. I want to prove to my self that I CAN DO THIS. Good luck pal.

Welcome, zmanoh -

Alcohol will definitely take more and more out of your life - it's good that you see it's affecting you in a negative way and want to make changes.

It's really not that uncommon for people who abuse alcohol to have other addictions and/or other issues (depression, anxiety, childhood trama, bipolar, etc.). I found that getting sober first was the key to dealing with anything and everything else in my life.

Glad you're here - it's be a lifeline for me!:ring

Thank you all, to all of you guys so far. Not sure I totally understood support structure that comes with this to this very moment, or understood the importance of that, but in a very quick way I understand now.

Welcome to the group. I knew i finally had enough with alcohol when i went to bed every night regretting my day and hoping the next would be better, dreading it would be like that day and knowing in my heart that nothing was going to change unless i changed. I went from a functioning alcoholic to a pseudo-functioning alcoholic to a stay in the bed and only get out to pee, refill my drink or buy more vodka kind of alcoholic. The transition from pseudo to the latter was staggeringly quick and once i was there i wallowed in it for ages because the only further to fall was 6 feet under.

I found the only way for me to quit was to stop making deals with myself (i can quit for a while to prove i've got control) and leave the hooch forever. It just takes the guess work out of the equation and makes everything a lot simpler. Most people find that focusing on the here and now (i will not drink today, this hour, this minute) to be the the most effective way to keep sane through this journey. It's the only way i've been able to do it. I don't contimplate sobriety. The enormity is too much for me. I'm not a swinger so i don't know how that aspect of your life may be a trigger for drinking but you may have to come up with a different view of swinging. A different way to get into the joy and thrill of it without alcohol. Heh, sorry! I've got nothing there! ;-)

I think if you take care of the alcohol problem first...Who knows what will happen with the other one....I have a good friend in AA that had a tri-fold addiction.....Alcohol...Gambling and women. He was able to take care of all three by removing the alcohol and he saved his marriage and has 30 some years sober. I wasn't into swinging...But I did lose my wife to alcohol....I guess I was more of a cheater than a swinger....You can add liar in there too. I'd give removing the alcohol your best shot...And take it from there,.