Weasel1966

So I have incorporated into my daily routine silent time each morning. Just one of the many tools i am using.

While last weeks thoughts were focused on seeing my world differently if I try.

To build on that idea this week i am focusing on the idea that i am not a victim of the world around me.

Certainly I have reasons to feel loss or sadness over events and things in my life. But I have somewhat adopted a view point about certain events that is not productive.

Not everything but just certain things. Things that happened many years ago.

When growing up with out a sense of security and love.... Hmmmm.... It's a hard thing to shake. Creating security for ones self and loving ones self become a life long challenge.

That's where I need to let go. Not be the victim. I have been told this before but I only need to hear it from me. I am the only one I will believe.

When I am still counting my sober time in days and not even weeks yet I need to remain serious... Very serious about things. Nothing is funny about trying to get sober.

I don't even like the term victim. I could use it when the events were taking place but to still refer to it years later simply takes the responsibility of living a life of growth and self discovery away and provides yet another reason for drinking.

I read a lot on here about how things will be different with this attempt to be and remain sober.

Well for me the realization and release of things past is my reason this is different this time.

I am not there yet but this weeks focus will inch me along.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts.

freshstart57

Another in a series of very thoughtful posts, Weasel. As I read about your journey each time there is something in my mind that goes *ding*, and I realize that you have put into words something that has been rattling around in the back of my head somewhere.

Maybe that is our purpose here, Ken, to live a life of growth and self discovery. Look at the tag by my avatar!

Thanks once again.

Weasel1966

Thanks fresh.

I find this forum so useful. I have a thought and just start typing. The idea that other can help me course correct along the way.... Well ... That's invaluable thanks to people like yourself.

Thank you!

Ken

Notmyrealname

If you have lingering issues from your childhood experiences that are affecting your behavior as an adult you might consider therapy. Stopping drinking probably isn't going to cure those issues on its own. It may exacerbate emotional problems, even, as you won't have the emotional "buffer" that being drunk half your waking hours provides.

But you know you, I don't know you, except for what I read from your forum posts. Just throwing that out there for you to consider.

Good luck

HitRockBottom70

Ken,
Give it some time. Early on things are so foggy and our emotions are so screwed up. Only time sober time will allow us to start healing. Try not to get too caught up in the past right now. Understand it, recognize it, but do not let it define your "now". The longer you go without drinking, your future and your dreams will begin to reappear. It starts slowly, but believe me, it starts to happen. When it does, it is an amazing feeling.

Have you decided to make your big plan yet and actually written it down, said it, and believe it? (AVRT thing if anyone else was wondering).

Weasel1966

Hey Shane. Not yet. Still reading. I am slow at it or maybe my av is making reading unappealing.

I did read more today. Still not at the big plan part.

Thanks for the encouragement.

I am doing well. Just taking sober time to think about things drinking always avoided.

So all is well. Just emotional.

I will let you know when I make my plan.

Anna

Weasel, I think your plan to have silent time every day is a great idea. It's so easy to be distracted by music, phones, tv and everything else going on around us. The quiet and stillness holds the answers.

Dee74

I find it hard to stand still long enough find that silent time everyday - but it's a great idea Weasel

D

Weasel1966

I am trying to slow down in a lot of places. I hardly have the time in the morning but I make time.

If i made decisions slower I wouldn't be in this position. I could think through things.

Now I take 5 for me in the morning and slow down to think through the craving.

Seems to be working.

Fernaceman

Very good post Weasel. I also know what it's like to be the victim. It became a very unproductive and manipulative tool in my arsenal.

You have a lot of very good self-awareness of your condition. Your seem to be thinking very clearly about things, which is awesome.

Are you currently involved in AA or any support groups? I can't recommend them enough. I found myself needing an outlet with all the "free" time I had to over-think and over-analyze things. AA is definitely a great place to meet like-minded people who know exactly what you are going through.

Intelligence is something you clearly have. Just be careful not to OVER-think everything. Keep it simple. All will fall into place as long as you keep doing the "next right thing."

God Bless,

William

Weasel1966

Furnaceman. Thanks you very much. I am trying to gain clarity.... I do not feel like I am over thinking things .... Yet

Being self aware for me does not imply anything more than I have the potential to be hurt deeper. I internalized many events.

At my core I like who I am. I just have problems connecting with others in a meaningful way. Not many know how I feel... Or at least I think no one does. This place gives me an opportunity to get out things in a safe environment that I cannot anywhere else.

I do see a therapist every week. And things are getting infinitely better in my perspectives.

Life is good. Sobriety is great!

Thanks for your support. I also always take the time to read your posts. I feel you have good and sane insights to share.

Thanks again.

Ken