freshstart57

Duke, 'How your heart must break for the person you were', is very much how I feel too. Can you accept you and forgive yourself? Can you appreciate what good that hell brought to you? Can you be aware of how that horrible time has made you strong, mindful, protective? Maybe that is first.

In the final analysis, you get to choose now how you are going to remember this time of your father's death. How do you want to look back on this? Best to you, Duke.

wow04

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Duke10

Thanks for all the hugs and prayers. My dad is now at the hospital under 24 hour care because he wants to die. I did try to talk to him a little but his dementia is so bad he really cannot carry on a conversation. Not much I can do but forgive him in my heart and try to move on. The sad thing is that when he dies he will be lucky if 20 people show up for the service. I want to live my life right so when I pass it is a celebration of a good man/husband/father. Thanks again.

bloss

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family...my dad got sober 2 years ago due to health issues. I hoped he would make some gesture of amends. Let's say he was one mean drunk...liked to use his fists and a belt, anyway he has not and I don't think he ever will. So, I don't forgive what he did, but have to free myself from the anger, hope you can be free too! You deserve it!

lilyrosemary

i seriously hesitate to say anything or to give advice, but something tells me that forgiving him out out loud to his face is something you won't ever regret, but not doing so might be something that you may regret...someday...i am trying real hard to put myself in your place, and i cannot. my heart breaks when i hear your story and i also hear you survive and strive. you are a good example for anyone else who endured what you did. God Bless You.

crewisms

Hi Duke. We feel a wonderful soul coming from you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You mentioned your dad has dementia, but he somehow managed to summon you and you came to see him. Maybe that in itself was an apology and forgiveness.

"I want to live my life right so when I pass it is a celebration of a good man/husband/father." It feels like you already are, mate. Keep on trucking down that same path.

HitRockBottom70

Duke, My thoughts are with you. I cannot imagine what you must have gone through and what you are going through. You OWE him nothing. Figure out what you need and go from there. I wish you strength and peace.

lilyrosemary

BTW every single one of your dad's bar "*%$#s" should be in *@#ing jail.

Weasel1966

Duke I feel for you.

My mom died, before I had a chance to reconcile. It does help to forgive in your heart.

You do sound like a good man. Best to you as you heal.

Lily rosemary...be careful of your tone. There are gay people here that can be offended even though you try to cover the slur with &@/!. This site is not about that sort of statement. Period.

lilyrosemary

what i said had nothing to do with being gay, weasel, but everything to do with pedophilia. did i miss something?

Weasel1966

Good. I agree with you.

When we get to fill in the blanks we can replace words how ever we want. My version of your statement was offensive.

Maybe you meant a different word.

Enough said out of respect for duke.

Payton

I am so terribly sorry for the situation you're in. Sending you strength and compassion.

Elisabeth888

Duke, you are in my thoughts and prayers.