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Scared for my liver

Old 06-25-2012, 02:01 AM
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Smile Scared for my liver

I'm a 24 y.o. female. Today I went through about 300ml vodka and about 100mg of diazepam. I started taking diazepam about 3 days ago.

Before I started diazepam I drank a whole bottle of vodka (750ml) every day for about 1.5 years.

I started drinking when I was about 22. I have racing negative thoughts, anxiety, paranoia, along with others. So alcohol and diazepam help me have less of it.

But since I'm drinking less in the last couple of days, I have some hope & am motivated to make myself sober.

I hope to interact with the people on this message board & hopefully have the blessings of their wisdom.

I'm sorry for my poor grammar. I'm from Japan & am really finding it difficult to seek support on my issue.

Nice to meet you. Have a great day. xx
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Old 06-25-2012, 02:12 AM
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Welcome to SR! Don't worry about your grammar. Just keep with us, and we will understand what you are trying to communicate.

Sounds like you are in a place to make changes. This board will help. Have you thought about how you would like to address your addiction? What steps you want to take?

Welcome again.
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Old 06-25-2012, 02:22 AM
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Thank you Change4good for your kind comment. As for how I would like to address my addiction I have no idea. Can you give me some examples of what things I could say? Again thank you so much.
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Old 06-25-2012, 02:28 AM
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My first suggestion would be seeing a doctor, and being totally honest about your alcohol and drug use. As others have said, they can only treat what they know about. No need to lie, as it would be a waste of time.

Is this an option?

Second, AA is a great recovery program for many (and it should be noted it is one program, there are others.) Are you aware of AA meetings where you are in Japan?

Get your body sorted, detox carefully with medical assistance, and we can assist you with beginning a recovery program that makes sense to you. It is very early here in the United States. Others will surely chime in when it is a more reasonable hour. :-) Those in the UK have a head start, so you might be hearing from them shortly.

Again, glad to have you with us.
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Old 06-25-2012, 02:33 AM
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Hello and welcome to SR. Well done on making the decision to reduce your alcohol consumption. Are your long term plans for sobriety? There are many ways that you can deal with your addiction, but as has already been said, the first step may be to tell your doctor, who can point in you the right direction. I don't know anything about support for alcohol addiction in Japan, but they may have teams available to support you detoxing, to discuss through plans of quitting, and to generally talk to you about giving up alcohol and there may also be support groups in your area where you can meet other people with the same issue.

About the anxiety - the first thing I will say is that alcohol does make this SO MUCH worse. We feel as though it helps when we drink, and I suppose to some extent it does, but when not drunk, our anxiety is worse than ever. The feelings we have after drinking (I don't know about you but I feel shame, guilt, embarrassment) really exaggerates our anxiety and makes it worse. At first you may feel as though your anxiety is worse but over time it will get much better if you are sober.

Stick around on SR - there is much knowledge and experience on these boards and should you ever need advice there will be someone here who can help you.
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Old 06-25-2012, 02:42 AM
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I wanted to add that alcohol was the CAUSE of my anxiety. This might not be the case for you, but ridding yourself of it might do wonders. Others have commented the same.
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Old 06-25-2012, 02:57 AM
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Welcome to SR Fakeflowers

Definitely have an honest chat with your doctor about your alcohol and anxiety issues. Alcohol only makes anxiety worse in the long run. In the mean time it would be a good idea to keep cutting down what you are drinking.

I would imagine that there will be AA meetings in Japan...I have quite a few Japanese friends and they are all big drinkers! Otherwise I'm sure your doctor would be able to point you in the right direction.

Keep reading and posting here too and I'm sure you'll get lots of help x
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:05 AM
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Thank you so much for your comments everyone.

I went to a doctor about 2 years ago, and he was almost like "I doubt it, There's no way you are an alcoholic! Just stop drinking and you will be fine!"

So this has made me reluctant to see a doctor about my alcoholism. They don't believe me
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:09 AM
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Thats a common trait of Doctors they think your faking it,are you cutting down your drinking?
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:15 AM
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Doctors can be extremely insensitive and, as my own doctor pointed out to me, they know very little about addiction. But you need them just to check that you are medically able to detox on your own. For all other help I'd recommend AA or any other support groups you may have in Japan x
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:27 AM
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Welcome to SR

Well I would say dont see that doctor again. They are people also some are no good. But most are, please try again with someone else. And keep posting here.
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:36 AM
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I'm cutting down on drinking.
Week#1 I drank 25 alcohol units a day on average
Week#3 I'm drinking about 15
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:39 AM
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Thats good keep going like that,do you want to completely stop drinking?
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:53 AM
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Hi! I also have anxiety. I always did. I grew up in a ridiculous environment of constant arguing. I used alcohol to help with the anxiety too. It seems to help in the beginning but really it is just postponing. Pushing the feelings down. Alcohol made me much more paranoid and excitable. Now that I am sober I am learning natural ways to deal with my emotions. Google urge surfing. This is really what changed my life so much. I am now able to go to the store or wherever I need to go without being paranoid and having a meltdown.
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Old 06-25-2012, 03:57 AM
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I was a beerdrinker for many years. It became every night. Until I passed out there in the end. I had a hangover the first half of the day. When I began to feel better, it would be time to drink again. A terrible rollercoaster. I tapered down over 30 days. Every couple days I would drink one less drink. This was great for me. I also quit gulping and began sipping. Alternating with good beverages. My favorite is sugary koolaid watered down. I have sugar cravings, so that helped. I love being sober. Drinking made me sick. I hope you go for the total sobriety. It is great to not even have to deal with the alcohol. Hugs and Love to you friend.
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Old 06-25-2012, 08:22 AM
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living with anxiety is very hard, i know because i've had the same condition for years. not sure where it came from, but it is truly horrible.
thus began the cycle of anxiety->alcohol->more anxiety->more alcohol ... and on and on.
years ago when i went on medication to help anxiety, my first "research" was interaction of meds + alcohol, because i could not imagine my life without drinking at that time.

after a few months of sobriety my anxiety seemed to almost cure itself... it was still there lurking, but nowhere near as bad as while i was drinking.

i truly wish that you can break this cycle, because nobody deserves this kind of suffering. the only way to beat this "thing" is to stay sober. seems so simple, but i know that reality is very different.

stay strong. we all CAN do it. joining SR is one of the greatest things i've done in my life, because it helped me to recognize my problems and realize that i am not alone.
try to find a different doctor, there is help out there and here do not be afraid to ask for it.
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Old 06-25-2012, 08:36 AM
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Hi, fakeflowers.

Count me as another person who abused alcohol to treat their anxiety. It's so easy to do. It works. Until it starts making it worse. And then you feel really trapped. Towards the end, I would wake up almost paralyzed with fear. I had no idea what I was afraid of, but I was terrified. So I would drink, right away, in the morning. And I would feel better. Until I stopped drinking. Then my fear and anxiety would come back, even worse than before.

The alcohol was causing 90%+ of my anxiety. When I managed to stop, my anxiety went away pretty quickly.

Please be extremely careful about anti-anxiety medication and alcohol. I was prescribed Klonopin (Clonazepam, similar to diazepam) and I almost killed myself unintentionally. I drank an entire bottle of vodka, took 7x my prescribed dosage of Klonopin (while I was blacked out) and am very lucky I didn't succumb to respiratory failure.

You are not alone. Your story is our story. It can get better and there are so many people willing to help. Your first experience with that doctor is not the experience you will have with other doctors. Keep working, keep posting, keep remembering it doesn't have to be like this. You can and will get better if you keep at it.
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Old 06-25-2012, 11:11 AM
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Thank you so much everyone for your responses. I don't know how to thank. I never imagined I was going to be so warmly welcome. I'm a slow reader, so I'm currently reading all the comments you guys gave me. Again thank you so much. Please take care xxx
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Old 06-25-2012, 11:54 AM
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Welcome! You will find tons of support here!! Glad you are here.
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Old 06-25-2012, 12:07 PM
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Your Dr might have been half right, you know. The part that was correct was the part 'Just stop drinking and you'll be fine', and that is the part that really matters.

So, we know what you are going to do, the question is how are you going to do it? Make is as safe and easy as possible is my suggestion, and that starts with seeing a Dr, maybe a different one. Instead of asking what is wrong (you already know the answer to that one), tell him that you are going to stop drinking and you would like his help. Take it from there.

Welcome to you FakeFlowers, and keep posting!
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