effortjoy

Day nine and I am struggling with being bored to tears every time I have to socialize with people outside of my immediate family. When I was drinking I could last for hours at these things but now I lose patience after a few minutes. Should I force myself to socialize or can I hide out for a while until I am more stable in my recovery?

Rossy

I know exactly how you feel,it may be better to wait until your a little more stable.

Dee74

I had no hesitation in not going to social events where alcohol was a main factor for a while. That worked well for me - I badly needed some me time.

If you have the choice, why not take it effortjoy?

D

Anna

I think it takes time to adjust.

My advice would be to compromise somewhat. Some socializing could be good for your spirit, but I wouldn't push too hard. I think it's important to take care of yourself and pushing too hard could make you anxious. You'll probably find that you will become more comfortable as time goes by.

hector

There's a program book titled Living Sober. It suggests that when we go to a function where alcohol is served, stay 45 minutes. That's long enough to be sociable, chat with folks, be part of the event. Then excuse yourself and leave. I can do that. It keeps me from being antisocial. It works for me.

hypochondriac

Hide out Effortjoy! I had this huge amount of guilt for not doing social things but this is a really hard time and if you feel like just hiding then do just that. I also found it hard being around 'normal' people who occasionally drink and say stuff like 'I need a drink'. I ended up going to AA because I couldn't cope being all alone in this. SR is ace but face to face support helps too, and just even socialising with people who get it.

OCDDan

I know how you feel too, for me, it's hard feeling like an outcast, depressing sometimes, but it's still better than the alternative, I have to get away sometimes, I go shopping (don't have to buy anything) or walk or anything, i just have to get away.

mm222

I think you should just try to be kind to yourself, and if you don't want to go-don't. Take whatever time you need to adjust. Eventually social stuff probably won't feel like such an effort.

Now if I could just take my own advice

katrinka

make excuses and hide away. Those feelings won't last and when you're ready to socialize you'll know.

tomsteve

where are you trying to socialize? are they the same places you drank at?

DisplacedGRITS

I wasn't comfortable enough in my own sober skin to be around people for a while. Heck, i barely tolerated my own company. Take your time. This is why meetings are so nice. They keep you from isolating but the structure of them is such that you're not forced to share or engage if you don't want to. Be gentle with yourself and you'll find that when you're ready, you'll be able to interact with people on a level you never knew about. No fear of saying or doing something foolish, no waking up wondering exactly what happened the night before. Just clear confidence in yourself and your actions.

mwstylee

I feel the same, I just don't really want to go to any social functions at all. I've skipped every single one in my 49 sober days so far. It's not even a sad or depressing thing. I just like being by myself and doing things I want to do, spend money on what I want, etc. It makes me genuinely happy to hang out by myself and do what I want, or spend time with family.

It seems now that I get so easily bored/irritated by small talk. I constantly think various things to myself:
-What's the point of this pointless conversation; I could be doing x, y, z instead.
-I'm kind of getting bored hearing about your dog/cat/child again.
-It's a fact* you only ask me "how was your weekend?!" only because you want to talk about your own weekend.

I hope to grow out of the grumpy old dude attitude at some point.

*per Chuck Palahniuk

IndaMiricale

It takes time. I would be sober for months and still have days were I just wanted to be left home alone. Its okay just dont get wrapped up that way.

effortjoy

To this function my husband was pressuring me to go to. It wasn't because of the alcohol there. I just couldn't deal with the boring, endless conversations. And last Sunday we went to one with our kids and I couldn't leave for hours and I was so bored and frustrated I thought I was literally going to go insane. So last night I told my husband to go without me and he was so annoyed when he came home. He said everyone else's wife was there and it didn't look right ......This may be my fault bx I am not ready to be honest about my recovery with him yet. But I wanted to say everyone else's wife hasn't been drinking a liter of vodka every week. Everyone else's wife doesn't look at her beautiful children and wonder how to get through the afternoon with them without drinking. Everyone else's wife doesn't wake up in the morning now and use every ounce of energy she has just not to drink....

CleanSober714

I would compromise. This is a very challenging task and can make recovery seem even more difficult at times. I still have no desire to socialize, and can feel alone in a room full of people... But socializing is GOOD for recovery. Since you do not want to over-do it, I would suggest staying at an event for about an hour, and if you still feel bored/uncomfortable/or want to leave, go ahead. Then you can lay down at night knowing that day you made a strong effort in your road to recovery!

hypochondriac

Please don't feel pressured EffortJoy! It is probably hard for your husband to understand, even more so because he doesn't know what you're going through. I remember feeling really lethargic at day 9 so don't give yourself a hard time about it. It might be worth having a chat with him about it or someone so that you have some face to face support though. Have you thought about something like AA?