feel like ****
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
How am I coping? Well, for the last couple of weeks, only just. I've managed to beat the cravings by picking up the phone and talking to people, posting on here, and at times, taking hold of the ankh I wear round my neck and asking "Father, take this thirst from me."
Over the last couple of weeks, I've increased the number of AA meetings I go to from 2 to 5, and it's really helped. I just wish I'd found the courage to ask someone to sponsor me. I know who I've got in mind, I just can't get round to asking her.
But yes, there's been times when I've wondered if it's worth it, times when I've come damn close to giving in, but today... I'm grateful for being sober. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow. But tomorrow can wait till tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going to go to bed, and do my best not to think about it.
And yes, it is draining. Fighting against the cravings, arguing with the beast - and yes, I know we shouldn't, but I have been. Although the last couple of days, when she's started on at me, I've just told her, "Catherine, STFU." I've been tired a lot. Had to go and nap in the afternoons. It gets better, or so I'm told. Logically it has to, if only because nobody would put up with the way things are to begin with if they lasted forever.
I think I've finally got to the point of acceptance. How? By talking about the last time I slipped up here, in meetings, and to people afterwards and then thinking about I've said. Letting it sink in. Because that, for me, was my low point. I thought I'd hit it before. I was wrong.
I also thought that if you didn't have a headache, it wasn't a hangover. I was wrong about that too. I'm rambling again.
What advice would I give you? Try not to think about what's going on in your head. It's very easy to let your thoughts run round and round like the winds in the southern ocean. I do it myself. Find a distraction, even if you don't want to. Especially if you don't want to.
Anyway, just remember. We are here for you. We have faith in you. You can do this. I didn't think I could, and every day I find out that I might be clinging on by my fingernails. I might only just get through. But I get through with the help, support and encouragement of the people around me, both here and in AA. Just realised something - encouragement really means 'giving courage to' doesn't it? And that's what we all need.
And now I really will shut up
Thanks for listening. Have a good night.
Over the last couple of weeks, I've increased the number of AA meetings I go to from 2 to 5, and it's really helped. I just wish I'd found the courage to ask someone to sponsor me. I know who I've got in mind, I just can't get round to asking her.
But yes, there's been times when I've wondered if it's worth it, times when I've come damn close to giving in, but today... I'm grateful for being sober. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow. But tomorrow can wait till tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going to go to bed, and do my best not to think about it.
And yes, it is draining. Fighting against the cravings, arguing with the beast - and yes, I know we shouldn't, but I have been. Although the last couple of days, when she's started on at me, I've just told her, "Catherine, STFU." I've been tired a lot. Had to go and nap in the afternoons. It gets better, or so I'm told. Logically it has to, if only because nobody would put up with the way things are to begin with if they lasted forever.
I think I've finally got to the point of acceptance. How? By talking about the last time I slipped up here, in meetings, and to people afterwards and then thinking about I've said. Letting it sink in. Because that, for me, was my low point. I thought I'd hit it before. I was wrong.
I also thought that if you didn't have a headache, it wasn't a hangover. I was wrong about that too. I'm rambling again.
What advice would I give you? Try not to think about what's going on in your head. It's very easy to let your thoughts run round and round like the winds in the southern ocean. I do it myself. Find a distraction, even if you don't want to. Especially if you don't want to.
Anyway, just remember. We are here for you. We have faith in you. You can do this. I didn't think I could, and every day I find out that I might be clinging on by my fingernails. I might only just get through. But I get through with the help, support and encouragement of the people around me, both here and in AA. Just realised something - encouragement really means 'giving courage to' doesn't it? And that's what we all need.
And now I really will shut up
Thanks for listening. Have a good night.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I'll second that Zee. NHS direct are fab! One of the things I found they were great at was telling you how to deal with your doctor, things to say etc.. And you can phone them in the middle of the night too x
x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Well, I went to see the alcohol services today.
All I can say is this. Sharp, I hope you're seeing their medical people rather than their counsellors. I thought I was, but I was wrong. I told her as much as I could remember about my drinking career. At the end, all she said was '22 days is really good. You're doing everything you should be. Oh, and why not get your GP to put you back on antidepressants.'
I don't know why I bothered. Had I known that I wasn't seeing a medical person, but a counsellor, I wouldn't have rung them.
Sorry to be negative, and please, don't let me put you off. But, for me, AA and this place are a lot more help than seeing her was.
Don't get me wrong, she was really nice. Just couldn't do anything.
All I can say is this. Sharp, I hope you're seeing their medical people rather than their counsellors. I thought I was, but I was wrong. I told her as much as I could remember about my drinking career. At the end, all she said was '22 days is really good. You're doing everything you should be. Oh, and why not get your GP to put you back on antidepressants.'
I don't know why I bothered. Had I known that I wasn't seeing a medical person, but a counsellor, I wouldn't have rung them.
Sorry to be negative, and please, don't let me put you off. But, for me, AA and this place are a lot more help than seeing her was.
Don't get me wrong, she was really nice. Just couldn't do anything.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
I applaud you for wanting to go to rehab. It's a strong move. I am sorry you have to wait. One more day til your appointment. I believe exercise helps so much. It releases good feeling hormones and gives you a channel for your stress. Also prayer, meditation and urge surfing for the anxiety. Hang in there buddy. I am rooting for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
im seeing a nurse when i go cos im still drinking as im scared to self detox. thing that got me down is she said id probablys have to have a home detox when id prefer to go to an inpatient clinic as id feel so much better in the hands of medical staff. i have 2 children who are right handfuls and a boyfriend that works so im abit worried about how id cope doing detox at home, but she said as its my 1st time and iv never had a seizure then i might get declined the funding, but i feel like i need to be in a tranquil environment and around medical staff rather than be around screaming kids and a house that is a tip because to be honest iv been lazy and dont do much housewrok
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