aeo1313

I just went back and re-read all the posts that I have made since I joined. I don't even recognize that woman anymore. She was so scattered, and scared, and desperate. I guess I did struggle and have more than one "day one". Good- I don't have to relapse anymore

tomsteve

Keep It Slow and Simple...one day at a time.

DisplacedGRITS

I know the feeling aeo but be warned, that good feeling can actually be the beginnings of a warning sign. It's the beginning of complacency in our sobriety. The whole "hell yeah! I got this! I don't need to drink!" that can lead to us thinking that we have risen above our alcoholism. Not trying to be a downer. I'm actually experiencing the exact same thing. My problem is, i'd stopped attending meetings and doing daily work on my sobriety and i'm only 3 1/2 months sober. Every person i've spoken with in AA who's had a relapse says it starts with "i stopped going to meetings." They felt confident. Almost cocky. When you feel that, balance that feeling out with a pinch of humility. Yes, i'm doing well, but alcohol is cruel and cunning and a relapse is only one drink away. It's not a depressing thought. It's a humbling one.

aeo1313

I had a dream about this last night. In my dream I had 3 pints of beer and when I woke up the next day I realized what I had done and was so pissed. When I actually woke up I thought it was real and the crushing awful feeling of "what have I done" was overwhelming. Thank G-d it was a dream- would have been worse in real life.

sober4myboys

I had a dream last night that I had drank. I woke up feeling TERRIBLE, I felt like such a failure, I really had to realize that it was JUST A DREAM! I am taking it as a warning of the failure and guilt I would feel if I did drink again. I just tell myself, I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. No negotiations.

FredG

Sounds like you need to revisit step one and read the Big Book on Acceptance.

Zebra1275

I quit for 2164 days and never relapsed.

Then I did. I thought that after that length of time I wasn't an alcoholic and could handle my booze because I had gotten smarter. Wrong.

Once I relapsed it took a year of struggling to get and stay sober again, it was much harder then before.

Now I'm sober again. I don't have 2164 days again (yet) but I'm working on it. Truth be told, I have no idea exactly how many days I have this time because I no longer keep track, I just work at it one day at a time. (I do know that I can measure my current sober time in years, which is a blessing).

desertsong

I think it's the nature of our addiction to tell us, after we've got some sober time, that we don't have a problem. After all, if we had a "problem," we wouldn't have been able to get any sober time at all, right? Wrong! That thought sent me back to the bottle more times than I could count. It was worse when I started going to AA and hearing some of the stories. I'd listen and think, "I'm not as bad as THAT guy!" or "Wow, I haven't done any of that." So I figured I could cheat and have "just a couple" here and there. Dumb and dumber. I still find myself thinking things like that in meetings sometimes, but now I end the sentences with "yet."

Whenever my brain starts taking me there, I go back and read either "There is a Solution" or "More About Alcoholism" in the Big Book of AA. And I always find myself nodding along with what I'm reading and saying, "Yup, that's me." I still need to be reminded of some things, and probably always will be.

freshstart57

This thought really can work, and is not a bad thing, but a final realization that we have the power to chose, we don't need to drink, we will never drink again, and we will never change our mind. Yes, a relapse by definition, is a drink away. If your sobriety includes the commitment to never change our mind, then 'a drink away' is far enough. I don't get how there can be a sobriety plan does not include that promise.

Rise above alcoholism? You betcha.

Live2Run25

I've been dealing with the same thing! "It's been 23 days, and I haven't drank, so I must be Okay" and that scares me. Somewhere my brain keeps pulling the (few) times that I was able to drink like a normal person. I just have to go day by day, and keep myself out of situations that I know are tempting. On the other hand, the fact that i'm getting these thoughts are what remind me that I DO have a problem with alcohol.. Congrats on your 54 days!! Keep up the amazing work.