Looking for Help
 

I have joined this forum in 2010, but I have done nothing about my alcoholism, I am hurting the people around me and I desperately want to stop. I don't know who to talk to as I don't know if people understand. I don't drink every day and I can go for months at a time without an incident and then I just get so drunk I can't remember what I did or said. It is hurting my partner but he doesn't understand, he says people should just be able to have self control, I wish I did!

I feel lost and guilty and embarassed when i stuff up and I don't understand why? I can go out some nights and have one or maybe even two drinks and I'm find but then other nights I just go over the top. I keep saying I"m going to give up for a month or go on a health kick and I only ever last a week. How do you stop? How do you protect the people you care about how do you explain to them why you do this??? WHY do you do this???

Hi goog

welcome back - the only way I could deal with it was to accept that it was that first drink that did the damage....not the last

the thought I could drink and be ok would keep me in the cycle and sooner or later I always went back to that dark place.

I can't drink and be ok - and it sounds like you can't either - not with any certainty or consistency.

I found support was good for those times when I began to feel I could maybe drink normally again - have you thought of support at all goog?

D

The best way for me to tell others about what happens to me when I drink is to explain my reaction.

I have explained that I cannot drink because something happens that makes me want to drink more and more once I start.

One woman looked at me like I was crazy when I said that. "Oh, not me", she said. "One is fine."

It was never one for me.

I have a different reaction than other people when it comes to drinking alcohol.

It's an abnormal reaction.

An abnormal reaction is one that differs from what the normal reaction is.

I learned this from listening to Joe and Charlie's Big Book study. They are members of AA, and I am a member of AA.

I hope that you find good ideas here on SR.

thanks, I think I need to find a support group. I've been thinking about going to AA I feel so ashamed though. I don't know how to being to appologies to people for the things that I have done. I just want to run away and hide.

The best amends were living ones I found goog - people had heard me say sorry so often it was meaningless...

It meant something far more I think when they saw for themselves I'd turned my life around.

You can too :)

D

I've written my partner a letter appologising for my behaviour and we have talked about my problem, he agrees I have an issue with alcohol and he's going to help me and not bring any grog into the house and I'm going to work slowly on fixing myself and get happy. First AA meeting tomorrow!

I've been reading the other posts and I think I just have to focus on each day, staying away for now from situations which involve drinking until I'm stronger and have better ways of coping and saying no. I just hope I don't have a bad day and go ah I'll just buy a drink and only have one or two and start back on it because that's where I fail. I can go for months with only having one or two and being responsible and then this funny thing just snaps in my head I get all excited and then i don't want to stop. I keep thinking that the more i drink the more i'll be able to hang onto this happy feeling but it never works like that.

Goog, i'm sorry that you are in such a horrible place right now. I myself remember how it felt to be in that place. As has been said above, for me, acceptance that i couldn't have that first drink was key. I don't even look at it as not having a drink ever again, i just won't drink today. IT makes it less scary and far more manegable at the start.

Don't be ashamed of going to AA. The people there will understand you completely. No one will judge you because they have all been in your position. Could you ring the AA helpline?. If you call that, someone will be able to come and take you to your first meeting.

You can recover from this. You can stop drinking and, most importantly, stay stopped. I did it through AA - there will be people on here who will be able to advise if they did it via a different route - but for me AA was the only thing that helped me to stay stopped.

Good luck with everything goog xx

thanks everyone for your replies. I'm at day four and feeling stronger, I'm working through talking to my friends and family about how I'm going. I see myself thinking oh maybe I can cope with it, maybe I can go back I even had a bad day today and thought about it but I didn't do it. I didn't drink today and tomorrow I won't drink either but just one day at a time. I've got to go really, really, really slowly.

Old habits die hard I guess.

My alcoholism fooled me alot too. One night I would have a few beers and all was good. Three nights later I would drink and holy hell would break out. I never know how it will effect me. If I dont drink I dont have to worry.

Welcome back!

Think of everything you get to have by never drinking again, goog. In my earliest days, I looked and found 30 Great Reasons to Quit. I made my own list by adding some things that were important to me, and at the top was the fact that I could finally stop hating myself. I could be that person again that hoped, and dreamed and cared, and loved. I used to like that person that was me, but while drinking, not so much.

Looking back, I realized that there was no day that was so terrible that I couldn't make it worse by drinking. You really do get to choose, it is up to you. Are you ready to make a plan for continuing to use alcohol?

This is a lifelong process, not a "cure".
The oldtimers in AA will explain the process well to you and they will love you until you learn to love yourself.

All the best.

Bob R

I think you are on the right track. If you don't have that first drink, you will be just fine.

Look for support in AA if you can, come back and post and read here (works wonders for me). Don't drink today ... that's your goal. Bad days are bound to happen, but alcohol will only make them worse, you already know that.

Welcome goog. You mentioned you don't know who to talk to. Well you have a good start right here. You'll find all kinds of wisdom and support in this forum. At least I did.

You're at day four and that's wonderful. Keep posting. It sure has helped me hold myself accountable, and hope it does the same for you. You're off to a great start!

Hello. As for what I do... I tell myself I am a non-drinker. I have made up my mind that I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. Maybe try and google AVRT crash course, that is one of the first things I did. Good luck.

Hello. I tapered down over a period of 30 days. This worked great for me. I never looked back. Some people cannot control the alcohol. And others do not understand. I cannot control it so I had to quit. Sobriety rocks. Best wishes to you for sobriety.