Keva

I recently began treatment, on my own accord, for alcoholism. While my spouse is extremely happy about this, he calls on his business trips and tells me all about his amazing night and how they had drinks, etc...I do not express myself well, especially now that I have to learn to speak up without liquid courage. What do you think is a respectful, but strong, way of telling him how much that makes me want to run out and get something to drink? I can't blame my choices on what he does or doesn't do, but, don't I have any recourse here? I really don't care if he drinks, because he never crosses the line and can drink "normal". However, at this point, I would rather not know what and how much he had when he is not here.

SamanthaIam

You can stop him as soon as he begins, and say, hey, this isn't something I want to hear about. Let's talk about...(change subject or ask him about some other aspect of the biz trip).

Or, prior to his trip, in a quiet moment when NO ONE has had any alcohol, you could say that while you're working on your own alcohol issues, you'd rather not hear about the bar scene from him. Or that it works better for you right now to not hear about it.

Then if he calls and launches into it anyway, I think it's strong to just get off the phone without getting into any further discussion about it. Then maybe remind him when he gets home, not in an angry or accusing way, but calmly saying you're just not interested in hearing about that right now.

ACT10Npack

Just tell him upfront that you don't want to hear about how fun alcohol is because you will relapse. If he respect that then it should not be an issue later on.

Dee74

I think you said it pretty well there Keva
Welcome to SR

D

zorah

I would tell him as a partner to a partner that you need his support in achieving sobriety and that one way is to not talk to you about drinking--whether it's his or someone else's. Marriage is about helping each other through the tough stuff--so neither person is left struggling alone. You don't need to be courageous here, just honest about your needs. I think if you talk about it on the basis of partnership--"I need you to be my partner in this and here's where I feel vulnerable"--he will do the honorable thing and support you. If you were sick, he would most definitely not put you at risk by doing something that may make you sicker! Expressing the truth of your struggle will be good for you too. It's so easy for us to suffer in silence or to hide what we're going through.


zorah

zorah

artsoul

Welcome Keva!

I think you said it well, too..... just share from your heart - he'll probably be grateful to know how he can help. People who have never been through this don't understand the kind of mental challenge we go through (especially early on).

Glad you've decided to join us!

pinkdog

I agree with Samantha's answer. It's better to go ahead and tell him instead of being upset later. Don't spend too much energy on it. Focus on no alcohol. Sobriety rocks!

Keva

Thanks, all. I appreciate your input!