how to get over wanting to be NUMB?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 85
how to get over wanting to be NUMB?
I don't know how I'm going to be successful at this. I don't have a plan. I am so depressed, I just want to drink to numb the feeling. I am not drinking, nor do I have any alcohol at home. But I just have this overwhelming feeling of not wanting to feel anymore. How do you get over that?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
The way I got over it was by facing my fear of pain - by not giving into that impulse to numb, learning to feel again, and (after a while) finding that not only wasn't it so bad, I actually preferred it to being numb.
It's not a quick process, and sometimes not an easy one - but you're not alone here - and I'm glad you're seeing your Dr on Monday.
Things will get better SD - that's a Dee guarantee, lol
D
It's not a quick process, and sometimes not an easy one - but you're not alone here - and I'm glad you're seeing your Dr on Monday.
Things will get better SD - that's a Dee guarantee, lol
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 344
I can relate. I did that for a long time, drinking to just not feel anything. Unfortunately, that theory always backfired on me and bit me in the azz, because my drunken idiocy and crazy behavior gave me more and more to feel bad about.
That's the vicious cycle -- drink to not feel bad, then do drunken things that make me feel worse, drink some more to be numb to the shame and embarrassment, do more stupid things, drink more, etc etc.. and this whole time, I was too out of it to address any genuine issues or challenges in my life. So nothing ever changes, except to get worse.
The only way to get over it, IMHO, is to get off the insane cycle. That is, STOP. At first it may feel like it's just overwhelming or the feelings are too intense, but within days it eases off. Support from a group or program or others (whatever works for you) is so so helpful. I've been astonished to learn here on SR that every crazy or unhealthy or shameful thing I did while drinking, I'm not the only one! And so many folks here have come from a place just like the one you're in right now... and found a more peaceful, self-accepting, stronger life. One that actually makes sense (as opposed to the endless round and round of drinking).
Take one leap of faith -- that life *will* be better and clearer without alcohol. And that your clearer head will help you address your challenges proactively, with strength and solutions instead of just hiding from them.
best wishes
That's the vicious cycle -- drink to not feel bad, then do drunken things that make me feel worse, drink some more to be numb to the shame and embarrassment, do more stupid things, drink more, etc etc.. and this whole time, I was too out of it to address any genuine issues or challenges in my life. So nothing ever changes, except to get worse.
The only way to get over it, IMHO, is to get off the insane cycle. That is, STOP. At first it may feel like it's just overwhelming or the feelings are too intense, but within days it eases off. Support from a group or program or others (whatever works for you) is so so helpful. I've been astonished to learn here on SR that every crazy or unhealthy or shameful thing I did while drinking, I'm not the only one! And so many folks here have come from a place just like the one you're in right now... and found a more peaceful, self-accepting, stronger life. One that actually makes sense (as opposed to the endless round and round of drinking).
Take one leap of faith -- that life *will* be better and clearer without alcohol. And that your clearer head will help you address your challenges proactively, with strength and solutions instead of just hiding from them.
best wishes
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
I now have 6 months and I am still on an emotional roller coaster. I was really happy the first half of the week and tonight I am feeling very depressed. It gets betters and then worse at times. Life happens and I just need to figure out how to deal with it w/o the \alcohol. My sponsor told me that it takes 2 years before you start to feel more "normal", So I am just waiting for my miracle.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
It might be hard to see it right now, but giving in to the temporary fix robs you of the permament reality that is so much better. Yes, it might not *feel* that way, but it is infinitely better than a cycle that depletes you completely in the end.
Experiencing your emotions isn't always fun, but it is part of the human condition, that includes both highs and lows. Trust me, the natural highs are out there when you have some sobriety under your belt.
It won't always feel this bad.
Experiencing your emotions isn't always fun, but it is part of the human condition, that includes both highs and lows. Trust me, the natural highs are out there when you have some sobriety under your belt.
It won't always feel this bad.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Alcohol numbed my feelings alright, but that left a hole in me, a vacuum. This vacuum eventually filled itself with an overwhelming sadness, a deep depression, and an anxiety that would not go away. I got stuck in a place that felt like I was trying to breathe underwater and that I was stuck in molasses. It got harder and harder to move physically, and emotionally I was slowly losing my soul.
It was a journey for me that started with the determination and the knowledge that I would tackle this life sober. Whatever this place was, I was going to experience it without alcohol, and use the me that I knew I was to deal. I did a Godzilla RARRRRRRRGH RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. It sounded something like that, anyway.
Those feelings soon got easier to handle without alcohol, and because many of them were strengthened by my drinking, they got lighter and lighter as the sober days passed. They disappeared, most of them, and now, I rarely get stuck in that cage of emotional misery anymore.
I hope you can find your way through, too, SnowDaisy. Keep posting, and know that there is support and hope for you here at SR. Best to you.
It was a journey for me that started with the determination and the knowledge that I would tackle this life sober. Whatever this place was, I was going to experience it without alcohol, and use the me that I knew I was to deal. I did a Godzilla RARRRRRRRGH RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. It sounded something like that, anyway.
Those feelings soon got easier to handle without alcohol, and because many of them were strengthened by my drinking, they got lighter and lighter as the sober days passed. They disappeared, most of them, and now, I rarely get stuck in that cage of emotional misery anymore.
I hope you can find your way through, too, SnowDaisy. Keep posting, and know that there is support and hope for you here at SR. Best to you.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Hugs, I totally relate. That was why I drank and drugged...because I was terrified of my feelings, of what I feared they meant and what they might do to me.
It was a futile game of hide and go seek. and whenever I came too, things were scarier than before.
Learning to "be" is possible, and worth the time and effort. It was an astounding revelation to discover that I dont have to do anything about my feelings other than acknowledge them. I am not required to act on them, alter them, run from them. It was freeing. And in time, as I get to know them they are less frightening. Everytime I sit with them rather than run and hide, I become more OK with myself.
It is still common, when I begin to feel something I don't want to feel, to think "I want a pill"...and I say to myself "no you don't, what you want is to not feel the way you feel." and recognizing that truth puts it into perspective.
Now I am free to act, intentionally, rather than be in the bondage of REacting, some knee jerk fear response.
by "owning", acknowledging my feelings, they no longer own me.
It is very easy for me to simply find another way to numb my feelings, a more acceptable way. But daily I find the real solution is to recognize them, and let them move on. It is human to feel, it is not a weakness, it is not a sign of something terrible. It's what we do.
My feelings are not objective reality, but they do inform me about my relationship to reality, and thus allow me to examine my relationship, and see if I want to work on it.
One of the most powerful and useful ideas I have come across in my recovery is this "ask yourself what a hopeful person would do, and try that."
It was a futile game of hide and go seek. and whenever I came too, things were scarier than before.
Learning to "be" is possible, and worth the time and effort. It was an astounding revelation to discover that I dont have to do anything about my feelings other than acknowledge them. I am not required to act on them, alter them, run from them. It was freeing. And in time, as I get to know them they are less frightening. Everytime I sit with them rather than run and hide, I become more OK with myself.
It is still common, when I begin to feel something I don't want to feel, to think "I want a pill"...and I say to myself "no you don't, what you want is to not feel the way you feel." and recognizing that truth puts it into perspective.
Now I am free to act, intentionally, rather than be in the bondage of REacting, some knee jerk fear response.
by "owning", acknowledging my feelings, they no longer own me.
It is very easy for me to simply find another way to numb my feelings, a more acceptable way. But daily I find the real solution is to recognize them, and let them move on. It is human to feel, it is not a weakness, it is not a sign of something terrible. It's what we do.
My feelings are not objective reality, but they do inform me about my relationship to reality, and thus allow me to examine my relationship, and see if I want to work on it.
One of the most powerful and useful ideas I have come across in my recovery is this "ask yourself what a hopeful person would do, and try that."
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The way I got over it was by facing my fear of pain
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by SnowDaisy
I don't know how I'm going to be successful at this. I don't have a plan. I am so depressed, I just want to drink to numb the feeling. I am not drinking, nor do I have any alcohol at home. But I just have this overwhelming feeling of not wanting to feel anymore. How do you get over that?
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I do a fair bit of exercise, the endorphins seem to help me keep my mood up. And I try to keep positive momentum by doing things that I'll be proud of doing, or that make me feel better about myself. And if that fails, I just go to sleep and trust that things will look better in the morning.
If you have serious depression that isn't obviously related to alcohol withdrawals, you should see a doctor. Depression's treatable with medication.
If you have serious depression that isn't obviously related to alcohol withdrawals, you should see a doctor. Depression's treatable with medication.
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