Struggle town.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
Struggle town.
We live through this day after day
Complacency's a curse
But you just can't escape it
I've arrived at a place where my tolerance gave way
And i struggle to hold my head up high..... THE WAIFS
Why does listening to depressing songs when I'm depressed make me feel better? Go figure...
I'm mad today! So mad! It's Saturday and I really don't look forward to them anymore. Facebook updates from my best friends talking about 'drinks tonight' for a birthday. If I was with them I wouldn't even need to drink, trouble is they are 2000km away. I'm stuck in a different state heading out to a party tonight at the neighbours, heavy drinkers who I used to let loose with. They are all so excited, I feel so left out. My sobriety is safe as I'm just going to use my daughter as an excuse to go home early before everyone gets too messy.
I'm mad that my husband works 60 hours a week and spends nearly every spare moment on renovating our house. I'm mad his job took us here 2000kms away from my best friends and family. I'm mad I still don't feel at home here. I'm mad I don't feel at home in my home city either. Im mad my mum died before she could meet my daughter. I'm mad I have NOONE to support me day to day with my daughter. I'm mad my mum died. She was my best friend and biggest support. I'm mad alcohol turned on me and I can't turn to it for some quick relief from all this that I'm now having to feel.
I feel super silly writing all this down but u guys are here to listen right? I'm gonna wallow in self pity for a little longer, do 30 minutes on the stride trainer then I will write a gratitude list. Self pity never helped anyone hey, especially an alcoholic.
Complacency's a curse
But you just can't escape it
I've arrived at a place where my tolerance gave way
And i struggle to hold my head up high..... THE WAIFS
Why does listening to depressing songs when I'm depressed make me feel better? Go figure...
I'm mad today! So mad! It's Saturday and I really don't look forward to them anymore. Facebook updates from my best friends talking about 'drinks tonight' for a birthday. If I was with them I wouldn't even need to drink, trouble is they are 2000km away. I'm stuck in a different state heading out to a party tonight at the neighbours, heavy drinkers who I used to let loose with. They are all so excited, I feel so left out. My sobriety is safe as I'm just going to use my daughter as an excuse to go home early before everyone gets too messy.
I'm mad that my husband works 60 hours a week and spends nearly every spare moment on renovating our house. I'm mad his job took us here 2000kms away from my best friends and family. I'm mad I still don't feel at home here. I'm mad I don't feel at home in my home city either. Im mad my mum died before she could meet my daughter. I'm mad I have NOONE to support me day to day with my daughter. I'm mad my mum died. She was my best friend and biggest support. I'm mad alcohol turned on me and I can't turn to it for some quick relief from all this that I'm now having to feel.
I feel super silly writing all this down but u guys are here to listen right? I'm gonna wallow in self pity for a little longer, do 30 minutes on the stride trainer then I will write a gratitude list. Self pity never helped anyone hey, especially an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northeast
Posts: 142
It took some time. I had to listen, and fight, and fight again. tonight, I am fighting by being here. these are great people. they are sympathetic with a strong arm. a truthful arm. No matter what, stay and read, it took me two years to finally post. it took me until tonight to really use this as a tool. write down the pros and cons of alcohol and ask yourself if you would take a pill that did the same thing. that thought is on my mind tonight. I would not take that pill. But we do in liquid form. that is why we are all here. welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
Why I'm grateful today....
I'm nearly six weeks sober.
I have good health.
My family has good health.
My family mean the world to me.
We are financially secure.
I have a beautiful home and a husband that can renovate.
I'm happy, even tho it is up and down at the moment, I completely believe the lows are just my brain recovering from an addiction.
My job is AWESOME and I'm lucky to only have to work part time.
I've made many new friends here in our new state and time will help us grow closer.
My dog is the best dog in the world (and most spoiled).
My daughter isblue best thing ever and even tho it's the hardest job in the world it is definately the best and most rewarding.
My daughter belly laughs 100 times a day and is happiness on legs.
I had my mum for 33 great years and we had the best relationship ever.
My inlaws are just like my own family and I love them dearly.
The weather is beautiful, it's the middle of winter and it's 24'C.
I get to go to bed every night and feel safe.
The point of this was to help make me feel better. It's not working yet. I won't drink tho as I know that'll help nothing. It baffles me how I can feel so good one minute even posting this morning how good sobriety feels then so crappy the next and missing my boozey days. Anyway SR, thanx for letting me vent
I'm nearly six weeks sober.
I have good health.
My family has good health.
My family mean the world to me.
We are financially secure.
I have a beautiful home and a husband that can renovate.
I'm happy, even tho it is up and down at the moment, I completely believe the lows are just my brain recovering from an addiction.
My job is AWESOME and I'm lucky to only have to work part time.
I've made many new friends here in our new state and time will help us grow closer.
My dog is the best dog in the world (and most spoiled).
My daughter isblue best thing ever and even tho it's the hardest job in the world it is definately the best and most rewarding.
My daughter belly laughs 100 times a day and is happiness on legs.
I had my mum for 33 great years and we had the best relationship ever.
My inlaws are just like my own family and I love them dearly.
The weather is beautiful, it's the middle of winter and it's 24'C.
I get to go to bed every night and feel safe.
The point of this was to help make me feel better. It's not working yet. I won't drink tho as I know that'll help nothing. It baffles me how I can feel so good one minute even posting this morning how good sobriety feels then so crappy the next and missing my boozey days. Anyway SR, thanx for letting me vent
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
Hi Doin This,
Are you in a 12 step fellowship or are you doing it alone? I can kind of relate to your resentments because my Dad was in the army and we moved all the time for his work and I used to hate him for it.
It's great that you are venting and not drinking. Everyday sober is another victory for you and as I type here from a freezing cold Glasgow I am envious of your nice weather
Wishing you all the best on your journey. Remember noone said this deal would be easy but we are promised it's worth it
Are you in a 12 step fellowship or are you doing it alone? I can kind of relate to your resentments because my Dad was in the army and we moved all the time for his work and I used to hate him for it.
It's great that you are venting and not drinking. Everyday sober is another victory for you and as I type here from a freezing cold Glasgow I am envious of your nice weather
Wishing you all the best on your journey. Remember noone said this deal would be easy but we are promised it's worth it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
In the car all dressed up and feeling happy now. Little girl looking super cute and happy in her party dress and boots. Hubby relaxed. No cravings now as I'm feeling so good. I sure am riding a rollercoaster with my emotions! Love it when I make it through the tough moments without a drink! Hey geek... No program but feel the need for it BAD. I keep making excuses but I need some relief from myself. Thanx fallow, renos suck and we will never do it again even tho my hubby is a builder. It's been 3 years of living upstairs in a small part of the house while we make downstairs awesome! Can see the light at the end of the tunnel now tho
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Glad to see you ended on a high note without alcohol. Venting is good. Feelings are good. It means we arent numb to alcohol anymore, we just aren't used to it. When we can deal with ups and downs without going to the bottle, now that's something. Congrats to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
11pm and home. Great night and I feel great! The anticipation is so much worse, I'm totally fine without booze and watching everyone get smashed is so ugly and unappealing. Im soooo happy to be sober. I felt so together in my conversations than the drunk people who were talking to loud and a lot of cr@p. Most of the non drinkers leave at the same time and half the party are left drinking, wobbly and smelly. Man booze breath stinks when u aren't drinking. Anyway, good to get it all out on here today. Cheers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
Funny how the AV works tho. I left the party happy I had a good night and felt like I missed out on nothing and now I'm laying in bed listening to the loud music and laughter feeling as tho I AM missing out. Oh well, I didn't drink and will feel great tomorrow.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
