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Old 06-22-2012, 05:35 PM   #1 (permalink)

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time to buy a drink before the shop shuts?

Hi, I am brand new to this and here is my thing: I get to 10.45pm each night (the out door or off licence or whatever) shuts at 11pm, so I tip toe out the door so as not to wake the kids and in 30 seconds I have my "goodies". I think if I could just get through that period where I KNOW I cant get any drink it would make it easier, so any tips would be handy. Also, any tips on dealing with not being able to sleep would be great as this is what I usually start panicking about. I started a new job this Monday and have already missed 2 days due to drinking. My partner (father to my 5 kids) and I are not living together because of my drinking, he is the only one who knows the extent of my lies around drink and my problem. I love him very much and I want to be a good mum. I do all the regular stuff but its like I'm faking it and just thinking, go to bed so i can have a drink. I hate myself for it. Both my parents are alcoholics in denial, my brother was dry for 1 yr but drinking again, my grand mothers (both) are/were alcoholics, my uncle dry for 20 years, my auntie (it took her in the end) I feel like I don't stand a chance, my parents love me so much but any problem they salve/solve with alcohol. I want to be free of this sooo much, been to AA 3 meetings (always during a crisis, like missing work) they keep telling me to look for the similarities but all I keep thinking is "I DON'T WANT TO BE YOU'! Currently I am drinking 2 bottles of wine per night and throw the last glass away because somehow that makes it ok, the not sleeping thing is the scariest, and the tetchiness with my kids who I love so much. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated, I do want to change. thanks.
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I was like that too, Rebecca. Just do whatever you can to distract yourself so you get through those moments - music, phone call, whatever works. And, yeah, none of us want to be the alcoholics, that's for sure. But the first thing is to accept that we are. You can't begin to heal until to accept the truth.

Take a look around here and you'll find lots of support and caring people who understand how really difficult this is.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 06-22-2012, 05:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome rebecca -

I couldn't wait for the kids to get to bed either, and leave me to drink. It's what addiction does to us. It becomes the focus of the day and after a while it's the only thing we look forward to. Believe me, we understand.

I was a huge mess when I first got here and the hope I found helped me decide to take the leap into sobriety, as scary as it was. We all need support and I'm glad you're here today!:ghug3
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:50 PM   #4 (permalink)

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The experts say to go to sleep at the same time each night. Whether you sleep or not. This creates a pattern for your body. A cool, dark room with white noise or a fan helps. I believe regular exercise helps to be tired. Sleepytime tea is good too. Best wishes!
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I pretty much tied myself to my chair and sat on SR for a while in the early days...it got easier the more days I didn't go to the off licence Rebecca

glad to have you with us - welcome

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Old 06-22-2012, 06:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Rebecca,

For all we know, Dee is still tied to the chair. but anyways, ritual is brutal to break. try buying some really funky and dear I say expensive new teas and create a brew each night. replace the old habits with other ones that are equally as eccentric and you just might find yourself being o.k. with the store closing. best of luck.

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Old 06-22-2012, 06:18 PM   #7 (permalink)

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Hello Rebecca... welcome. I did the same as you... went to AA, and hated it initially and hated myself as kept thinking I didn't want to be like THEM. I had alcoholics in my family, especially didn't like my dead father as I felt he'd ruined my life.

Then realised, after a lot of reading, coming here, and going to meetings... I did have drink problems that I needed to work on. And strangely, I even understood my dead father a bit more... doesn't mean I've totally forgiven him, just letting it go. The big light going on in my head in a meeting was a guy saying it doesn't matter how much you drink or the way you drink... it's what it does to you that counts. I was ruined emotionally.

You need to get through the first stages though, find a way to do it. Come on here, I'm only 3 months sober (but feel pretty good now) and you'll get lots of advice and support from people who've come out the other side.

If you do enough reading, support groups, coming here, you'll find something to help you accept it. I also saw a therapist who said to me "your weakness will become your strength", as in my alcoholism would become my strength.. at the time I thought "yeah right". But it has. I'm far better sober.

Good luck, keep everyone posted.
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Old 06-22-2012, 06:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I think that is the key. having the weakness become our strength. thanks.
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Old 06-22-2012, 06:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I think that maybe worry over sleeping bothers me too and is fuel for my addiction. Even though I normally go to sleep easy. But when I don't, it's the endless rumination going over and over and over things at work or things I'm angry at with other people and how I am going to do this or say that (but I never do). It's like a tape running repeatedly and even thinking "stop this" and turning over .... it just keeps on until I think I exhaust myself with it and fall asleep. So, I obviously wake up not rested.
Healthy things I have done (when not drinking): reading til I feel sleepy or fall asleep, making sure I have done enough in the day that I am genuinely tired, ate good/exercised enough, say prayers/feel gratitude, worked logic problems (lots of concentrating for me), taken a nice hot bubble bath with hot tea.
Unhealthy things I do to myself and still sleep - drink obviously, I've taken Nyquil or Flexeril to guarantee sleep a lot of times, cried myself to sleep, been still in hungover mode from the night before that I'm just so tired.
I wish it was just a specific time of day for me. But it's a hundred different moments. I wish you the best with finding a solution for sleep (and everything else) and also congrats on the new job.
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Old 06-22-2012, 10:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
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The only way to stop drinking is to stop drinking. Coming here was a good first step, I think. These forums helped me get through that first difficult week. But you have to take the big step, and stop drinking.

And maybe you plan it out, or maybe you just wake up one day and you know today's the day. People do either one. But if you can see yourself objectively and you understand that you need to quit, your next step should be fairly apparent.

I can tell you from experience that I sleep like a baby since I quit drinking. Man, I feel great when I wake up (at 4:30 AM, even--yeah, that's pretty early, I go run before work), I tell you. Much better attitude on me, and it's just a huge weight off my mind. When you're sober you don't have to worry anymore about being a drunk. Feels good it's worth doing.

I think you are making a good decision and I hope you are able to achieve your goals. Good luck!
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Old 06-22-2012, 10:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi Rebecca. I had the same problem. The grocery store stopped selling liquor at 9 so my contdown would start around 8:30. Early is pretty easy. TV, cleaning, chatting, mundane things. The beer cave at the gas station shut down at 11 so between 10:30 and then i posted and read on SR and read books a lot for at least the first month. It's a great relief when the store is closed and the choice is no longer in your hands. Post and read here a lot. There's tons of inspirational threads and an excellent thread on tips for newcomers. Check it out if you haven't already.
Sobriety Date: March 25, 2014

If I can do it, you can do it.

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. -The Big Book of AA, Chapter 5 Page 58
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Old 06-22-2012, 10:32 PM   #12 (permalink)

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Sounds familiar.
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Old 06-23-2012, 04:23 AM   #13 (permalink)

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sounds so familiar to me except i now make sure i have enough drink in the house as i resulted in drink driving just before the shop was about to shut as i felt like i wanted more. I suffer sleeping problems when iv tried to have a night of no drink and it felt horrendous as i would panic so i carried on drinking as drink helps me sleep. I dont drink while my kids are awake so im the same as you, i just wish theyd go to bed so i can start on the drink. its a horrible thing and i cant live my life panicking allday and having to wait around til the night to have a drink, its no life to live and it makes me feel like a failure as a person and a mother. im seeking help now so im extremely looking forward to getting to the point where i can get up and enjoy my day with my kids and not just think "will this day hurry up so i can have a drink". good luck to you i hope things work out well for you
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Old 06-23-2012, 06:22 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I had to read and re-read the first step a million times:

I am powerless over alcohol, it makes my life unmanageable.

When I really see/saw how much alcohol has affected my life, then it was easy for me to change. I now have 6 months, am sleeping like a baby, and don't wake up with a hangover.
Actually, we have no problems - we have opportunities for which we should give thanks... An error we refuse to correct has many lives. It takes courage to face one's own shortcomings and wisdom to do something about them.
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Old 06-23-2012, 07:02 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome! I am an alcoholic mother also (3 kids). It's so awful for all involved. I am sober now almost 2 years and what a RELIEF! I had to accept that I could never, ever drink again.

I used rational recovery concepts to keep me sober at the start. Now it's easy.

You can do it!
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Old 06-23-2012, 07:34 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome Rebecca. Been there also. I couldn't wait for my wife and kids to get to bed so that I could drink myself to sleep. Many a night I beat the demon and went home from work without picking up some wine, only to race out the second everyone is in bed to go pickup some beer. No easy task since it was a half hour to go get beer. As someone else suggested, exercise may tire you out and a good sleep pattern might help. I almost feel lucky to be so far away from booze at night.
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Old 06-23-2012, 10:56 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Yikes! Me too, Rebecca... only our liquor laws stop sales between 2 am and 8 am. So yes, I've been at the WalMart at 1:45 am and at 8:15 am picking up more wine. Odious.

Sleep: I've slept so much better since quitting. A naturopathic doctor here gave me some herbal and natural remedies to help with sleep, but I don't even need it now. I agree with the others that exercise and a routine time for sleep really help.

And maybe wonderfullife is right about the tea! Then you could change your SR name to rebeccaTea!
Sam I Am

I don't have a drinking problem -- as long as I don't drink.
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Old 06-23-2012, 02:08 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Melatonin an hour before bedtime helped me to fall asleep, but only after the first couple of sober days. Those first few mornings I felt as though I had slept for no more than 30 minutes at a time. I settled in pretty quickly, and after two weeks or so I was sleeping soundly until I woke up, nice and bright and early, not achy, fuzzy and late.

I also had a committee in my head that wanted to hold their convention just when I needed to relax the most. Boy did they make a racket! It took a while, but I learned how to get that under control, and I bet you can do it too. Try looking at this. It helped me a lot and it still does.
AVRT has shown me how to never drink again and to never change my mind.
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Old 06-23-2012, 04:04 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I encourage everyone to check with your Dr before trying any supplements you may hear about here or read about elsewhere

What has worked for others may not work or may not be suitable for you.

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Old 06-23-2012, 04:19 PM   #20 (permalink)
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i am very very much for using herbal/vitamin supplements to help with health issues. but i agree with dee somewhat. i've been trying out all kinds of things for years and have found with myself that i need to pay attention to the reactions i have when taking different things. a couple of things have disagreed with my body. i can't take red yeast rice for example. i'm not so doctor oriented, but i always make sure not to take anything over the recommended dosage on the bottle until i know i won't have an adverse reaction to that. and also it's good to use the internet to understand that some things can be very dangerous if taken in excess or with other things including food. melatonin has helped me sleep before but didn't work for a coworker of mine-so not everything works for everyone. a good website to get information is webmd. remember that not all websites are created by the experts and anyone can put things online. hth.
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