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No one said it would be easy...

Old 06-22-2012, 05:05 AM
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No one said it would be easy...

My husband and I went to dinner with some friends (all drinkers) last night. On the way to dinner my husband says that I should have a couple of drinks (which means about 6 or so). I told him that I was not drinking tonight. He sounded disappointed and told me that I should drink. I told him not to pressure me to drink. He stopped and told me not to say anything when he got drunk tonight. I told him that I knew he was going to get drunk and I would try not to say anything. I managed not to say anything as he (and everyone else) drank themselves stupid. I really wanted to say something. I did drag my husband out when it was time to go relieve the babysitter, of course he wanted to stay and drink.

For the most part, I was okay drinking water while everyone else was drinking alcohol. The woman sitting beside me at dinner asked me why I wasn't drinking. I was stunned for just a moment then awkwardly told her that I was on a diet. She told me that I should drink Vodka. (Geez! Thanks for the weight loss tip!)

There was one point during the evening that I almost said screw it and ordered a drink. What stopped me was knowing that I was too far behind and couldn't catch up AND knowing that I would have to come back here and fess up (or not come back here and hide). Also I have really enjoyed my 6 sober days for the most part. Now the morning of day 7 and I am so glad that I didn't drink last night because I feel great! Albeit confused and a little miffed!

I am an actions speak louder then words kind of person, so I haven't said anything about stopping drinking (or my alcohol problem) to anyone. I figure if I don't want to drink, for whatever reason, that is my business. I know it makes my husband and friends uncomfortable, heck it makes me uncomfortable, but I am just tired of it.

I never got a DUI, but not for a lack of trying. I didn't drink everyday, because some days I was too busy puking to drink more. I blacked out numerous times and had entire conversations that I have no memory of having (embarrassing when I have to fake that I know what the other person is talking about the next week or whenever). I have woken up and wondered what did I post on FB? Who did I text or email? Did I call anybody? There is no way that this behavior can be deemed "normal" or okay. So when I wonder if I am an alcoholic, I think of these things and answer to myself "yes". At the very least, I have a desire to quit drinking and that's all that matters!!

I think I need someone to tell me "good job" and "it's going to get better just stick with it". Anyone? I needed to vent, so thanks for letting me do so.
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:12 AM
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Not only a good job, SomebodyElse, but truly impressive! You are being honest and true to yourself. You seem to have real clarity about the issues alcohol has caused, and seem to want the great things sobriety makes possible. That was a tough situation to be in at the restaurant, and I admire your personal strength and fortitude.

Great post and inspiring! Work hard to achieve your goal!
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:20 AM
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Good job... Stick with it....

And

Thank you. You are inspiring!

Really. I read your thread and could have been there with you.
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:23 AM
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Really good job!! That's quite a test to come through with flying colours. Worth storing well in the memory bank so that you know you can handle those type of situations.

It's still early days for me (65 days) but already it is much easier.
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:26 AM
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You did fantastic!! You did great to stick to your guns! I am in your same boat, have not told many people about my alcohol problem. And although my husband knows that my drinkinghas really been bothering me, I have not told him that I'm staying sober. And amen on your statement that you've decided to not drink and that's all that matters! You're exactly right.

Very funny, I too was asked why I wasn't drinking, and I said I was trying to lose weight. The "friend" told me that's because I drink beer, if I just drank Vodka with water, I'd be fine.
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:28 AM
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Blimey, that must have been really hard

Well done :ghug3
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:31 AM
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Wow! Thank you for the kind words! Inspiring? Really? That makes me want to cry. Thank you!! Now I feel proud. Thank you. I am so glad to have met a group of people that "get it"!
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:35 AM
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I will tell you good, great, awesome, fantastic job, somebodyelse!!! I was sooooo in your shoes when I first got sober ( 17 months ago ). Even though my husband was the impetus for me getting sober, he was not entirely on deck with the game plan at first. He still drank. In fact, my first week out of detox he brought home my favorite bottle of wine and drank the whole bottle, by himself, in front of me. Needless to say, he did not win any awards for that. All of our friends drink, so social occasions were awkward for me. The first year was challenging. When my friends asked I just said "not drinking tonight...got a diet coke?" They eventually got the message. So did my husband, who never drank alcoholically in the first place, and now drinks very little. 2 drinks on occasion is his limit these days. I'm cool with that. I'm much stronger now and have integrated myself back into my social scene somewhat. I still don't enjoy being around "drunks" because they are just not interesting conversationalists....I have nothing in common with them any longer. You do not owe your friends an extended version of why you are not drinking. But you do need to have an honest, serious conversation with your husband ( IMO ). He needs to be on your side and on your "team". Your sobriety depends on that. Again....this is only MY experience. Good luck, and I hope you stay the course!
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Cinderblock18 View Post
Very funny, I too was asked why I wasn't drinking, and I said I was trying to lose weight. The "friend" told me that's because I drink beer, if I just drank Vodka with water, I'd be fine.

Yeah, I was thinking in my head, "are you kidding me?!?" Sadly, my "friend" said I should drink Vodka and cranberry juice and I thought, "Well actually the cranberry juice has a lot of calories." When I was drinking my "diet" drink of choice was vodka/soda, ya know - so I wouldn't waste any calories! Geez!!
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:48 AM
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Well done I don't know if I could have done that. Certainly not on day 6. Actually, come to think of it, I wasn't safe to go in a pub at that stage. Not sure if I am now, and I don't want to find out.
So yes... wtg! And yes, it will get easier. Or at least better. Things will be all over the place for a while, but when it settles down... It'll have been worth it.
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:52 AM
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Originally Posted by LDT View Post
I will tell you good, great, awesome, fantastic job, somebodyelse!!! I was sooooo in your shoes when I first got sober ( 17 months ago ). Even though my husband was the impetus for me getting sober, he was not entirely on deck with the game plan at first. He still drank. In fact, my first week out of detox he brought home my favorite bottle of wine and drank the whole bottle, by himself, in front of me. Needless to say, he did not win any awards for that. All of our friends drink, so social occasions were awkward for me. The first year was challenging. When my friends asked I just said "not drinking tonight...got a diet coke?" They eventually got the message. So did my husband, who never drank alcoholically in the first place, and now drinks very little. 2 drinks on occasion is his limit these days. I'm cool with that. I'm much stronger now and have integrated myself back into my social scene somewhat. I still don't enjoy being around "drunks" because they are just not interesting conversationalists....I have nothing in common with them any longer. You do not owe your friends an extended version of why you are not drinking. But you do need to have an honest, serious conversation with your husband ( IMO ). He needs to be on your side and on your "team". Your sobriety depends on that. Again....this is only MY experience. Good luck, and I hope you stay the course!
This inspires me! And I agree that I need to talk to my husband. The conversation is coming, I'm just living by example and gathering my words. He has told me before that he doesn't like it when I am drunk (because sometimes I focus my inner anger on him) and that he worries about me at times when I am drinking (because sometimes I can be really focused on consuming alcohol), so on one level this will come as no surprise. I just know that it will make him nervous when I tell him, because it always made me nervous when he expressed concern over my drinking (which is truly a pot calling the kettle black kind of thing). I was nervous that he would put the kibosh on my alcohol and I imagine he will have the same fear. Anyway, I will talk to him soon.
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Old 06-22-2012, 06:23 AM
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I'm mustering up the courage to talk to my husband as well, I'm just a little scared he won't like me anymore However, I do think when he sees how much sobriety has positively impacted my life as a wife, Mommy and friend as well as my state of mind, he will be supportive. All of my anger was focused on him when I drank, I know he was the only one I could lash out at, and still love me. I'm sure he's relieved that hasn't happened in almost two weeks You can do it!!
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Old 06-22-2012, 06:53 AM
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Excellent job! That would be really hard and you DID IT!! Way to you for sticking up for your self. I will never understand why OTHERS care if WE (ourselves) decide not to drink.. it baffles me. But I think you did an excellent job!!
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Old 06-22-2012, 07:01 AM
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[QUOTE=SomebodyElse;3455836] I figure if I don't want to drink, for whatever reason, that is my business. I know it makes my husband and friends uncomfortable, heck it makes me uncomfortable, but I am just tired of it.

QUOTE]

This is a great attitude to have. It's rude to ask someone why they are not drinking, or for that matter why they are drinking? I realized early on that my recovery was going to be a very personal journey.

And, good for you for getting through the dinner. I have to add though, I couldn't have done that at 6 days sober.
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Old 06-22-2012, 07:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Cinderblock18 View Post
I'm mustering up the courage to talk to my husband as well, I'm just a little scared he won't like me anymore However, I do think when he sees how much sobriety has positively impacted my life as a wife, Mommy and friend as well as my state of mind, he will be supportive. All of my anger was focused on him when I drank, I know he was the only one I could lash out at, and still love me. I'm sure he's relieved that hasn't happened in almost two weeks You can do it!!
Thank you, CinderBlock. These could be my words (except for the 2 weeks, I am only on day 7)! A good job to you! And let us know how it goes when you talk to your hubby.
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Old 06-22-2012, 07:10 AM
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I did want to add to this thread and say that I am not trying to brag or act like I know what I am doing. I don't. I'm just trying to share my experience and make it through today.

I really can't imagine being 2 weeks sober, 3 weeks sober, a month sober, etc. It scares me to death! I am going one day at a time, because I am overwhelmed to think beyond today. I hope my strength builds as I go; I imagine it will. Though I made it 16 days in April then caved, but I can't focus on that either! Live for today!
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