MilesSmiles

Hello all,

I'm new here, and very happy that I found this forum.

I was a heavy user of marijuana. I smoked daily for 35 years, since I was in high school. When I couldn't get pot, I was a wreck. Scoring more pot consumed my every waking hour. I hung around with people with whom I had nothing in common other than pot. My story is the same as abusers of many other drugs. Pot wasn't a "gateway" drug for me and I never moved onto anything stronger, but the damage it did to my life was every bit as bad as cocaine or heroin. I wasted money. I wasted years. I missed opportunities, both personal and professional. I had few friends who weren't fellow potheads, and I rejected friendships from people who didn't share my addiction.

Last New Year's Eve, I sat alone in my apartment, smoking pot, and finally admitted to myself that things had to change. I did not want to hang out with potheads anymore, and I didn't want to keep smoking alone. It was a painful thing to realize but I saw only two choices: quit, or watch the rest of my life fade away in a haze of smoke. Still, it took me months to finally quit for good.

I've now gone 30 days without pot. I've cut off the last of my dealers, after one texted me last week that he nine kinds of hash to sell (he calls it "cheese" as a code word), but I did not give in. I responded that I had changed my diet and was no longer eating "cheese" or any "related foods." He got the message and I haven't heard back from him.

Has this past month been difficult? Oh yes: Weird dreams. Night sweats. Cravings. A thousand triggers in my life, reminding me that I used to be stoned all the time. It's amazing how I convinced myself I could do anything high, and that I was a better writer and more creative when doing bongs. That was just one of the many lies I told myself to justify my self-abuse.

I am an atheist, so 12 step programs were not an option for me. Like many in this economy, I have no health insurance and cannot afford to go to rehab or get counseling. I've had to find the strength from within, all by myself. I can't look to my pothead former friends for support. I have almost no family. I am very alone right now, perhaps more so than I've ever been before. Yet I will not give up and go back to my old habits.

I am starting life anew, seeking out new friends and new activities that are healthy and productive. It's going to be a long, hard road to travel. Pot had become a focal point of my whole life. But those days are over.

I hope I can provide support to others who have problems with pot. And I hope I can look to others here for support when I'm having a dark moment or feeling lonely.

Thank you all for sharing your own stories and for being strong. I've been reading posts here for weeks, waiting until I felt strong enough to share my own story. And there is more to tell, but this is enough for a first post.

Miles

Impurrfect

((Miles)) - Welcome to SR and congratulations on a month!! My DOC (drug of choice) was crack. Thanks to SR and a few f2f friends and family, I've got over 5 years in recovery. Yes, meetings, rehab, etc. work for a lot of people, but there are all kinds of ways to recovery when we really want it.

Great to have you here!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Jitterbugg

Hi Miles,
I'm atheist too, but 12 step programs really have nothing to do with religion. It's more about 'community' and support from others with addictions. There is mention of God or a higher power, but programs like AA were founded at a time when religion was more entrenched in society. These days it's pretty much secular as far as belief in God is not necessary for the steps to work or make a difference.

Dee74

Hi Miles

I smoked more or less daily for 20-25 years so I know where you're at.

You've made a great choice though - I've never regretted turning my back on all that

I found thinks pretty much got better for me after the 30 day mark - hope they will for you too

You've made a great decision in coming here too - you'll find a lot of support here

Welcome

D

MilesSmiles

Thank you Dee. It's great to hear that someone else who smoked as long and as heavily as I did was also able to kick the habit for good.

I already feel like I'm past the worst cravings, and my triggers seem to become fewer every day. It's the loneliness that bothers me the most right now, and the fear of having to build a whole new set of friends.

Having a supportive place to post my feelings is very cathartic.

I've already started taking exercise classes, going out to see plays and comedy shows, and trying different Meetup groups not specifically related to sobriety. For me, that seems like the right path for follow. I know that each of us find different paths to recovery and re-starting our lives. Since my passions are music, theatre and the fine arts, that is probably the most healthy way for me to meet new people while reconnecting with the things in life that I really love.

Thanks to everyone for reading my posts and for the thoughtful comments.

Miles

Dee74

I made new friends after a while, and it wasn't hard - I think we get out of practice though and we *think* it will be harder than it is...

sounds like you have a good plan tho

D

aeo1313

Good for you! I was a pot head as well. I had quit for 15 years but this year when I couldn't get opiates anymore I bought pot and remembered how much I had liked it. Such a worthless drug though. Made me lazy, unmotivated, uncaring, and fat.

You could always try a 12 step group if for no other reason than the social aspect of being around sober people.

Live2Run25

Welcome!

foodie1

Welcome Miles! Way to go on making this choice for yourself, that's really difficult. Pot was my DOC during high school and a few years after, I was literally high every waking moment. And if I ever woke up in the middle of the night I'd get high then too. I got a DUI for drinking and driving and had to stop smoking, and I was SO pissed at the time. Now I realize it was a blessing in disguise, I never would've stopped smoking on my own. Of course then my drinking took off in fine form, but that's another thread.

I admire what you're doing! You'll come to cherish the new sober (or at least not pothead) friends you'll make and to cherish yourself too. All the best to you!

Zencat

Welcome to SR Miles.

I've was a weed smoker for decades as well as a dope fiend for as long. I'm also an implicit atheist that uses a agnostic variation of the 12-steps and attends open AA meetings.
So if you ever reconsider AA the links above will be good direction on how to proceed.

Being active here at SR is a good recovery practice. Along worth reviving support, giving others here encouragement to continue with their drug free life is as helpful to them as it can be for you.

Recovery tools, knowing about then can help you. the following links offer secular instructions about treating addiction. SOS, LifeRing,
SMART, CBT, DBT and AVRT. Its a good thing to know how others have come out from addiction and recovery tools offer that insight.

I hope to see you around and know that you can change your life around drug free.

Threshold

Hi Miles!

Congrats on 30 days, and thank you for joining us on SR.

I think it's very important for people overcoming a variety of addictions to post everywhere, but especially in the newcomers forum, to let people just reaching this site know that it's for people in recovery from alcohol AND drugs. Most of the posts refer to alcoholism and so many of our issues are the same, but us recovering addicts need to tell our story too!

I mostly used alone, so making new friends wasn't so much the issue as learning how to manage my emotions when I am alone. But yes, I am having to build a new life, and ready myself for opportunities that I passed on earlier.

I used to pathologically avoid confrontation of ANY kind (even when it wasn't conflict) but I am strengthening some new muscles.

Cutting off your dealers was a huge sign of commitment to staying clean. I find those acts of commitment to be powerful milestones for me.

any step towards maintaining sobriety and building a life worth living are genuine and powerful steps, whether they are the well known 12 or otherwise.

My recovery program is as ecclectic and creative as I am. What matters is that I am getting results. Sometimes they feel long in coming, and I find myself still repeating old patterns, but i find myself catching myself at it as well.

keepfinding2

Many congrats.

boldaslove

Thanks for your post, Miles. I too have been a daily smoker for years, and recently have gone through cycles of stopping use, only to pick back up again. I hear you on the social aspect, I have been smoking so long that it's a part of who I am! However, I always end up back at the same place, feeling lazy and unmotivated and no longer enjoying the high. I feel so much better when I quit, thanks for reminding me of that fact. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery, and trust that you will quickly develop new friendships!

sugarbear1

No alcohol or pot for me for over 13 months. It can be done!

Way to go!!