What a difference a few months makes ...
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
What a difference a few months makes ...
I work at a therapeutic riding center for disabled adults and children, which is work that brings me sooo much joy. I work directly with the horses, leading them while the children ride. It is rewarding work that brings so much to my life.
I have been doing this for several years, but just started at this particular center last year, when I was at the WORST with my drinking. I worked there 3 days a week, and most days I showed up hungover. This year is a whole new experience doing it completely sober and NOT hungover. And what an even bigger blessing that has turned out to be ... in more ways than one.
Because today, the horse I was leading had a major freakout. The rider was thrown (he's okay, thankfully) and I had to keep the horse under control so he wouldn't hurt himself, me, or anyone else riding/working in the arena. And he's a BIG horse and I'm a small person! It was all over in a matter of seconds, thank God, and ended on a positive note for all concerned. But I couldn't help but wonder how badly it could have turned out if I had still been in the foggy/hungover state that I used to be in when I was there. I've worked with horses all my life, so I know that you have to have your wits about you when you're around them ... they're big, they can hurt you, and if you're weak or scared or ineffective in some way, they can sense it. And if they're freaked out and they don't feel confident in your ability to "make it better," things can get real bad, real fast.
Well, after I left the barn, I felt such guilt over last year, and the sorry state I was in ... if something like this had happened a year ago, I'm not sure I would have handled it as well as I did today and someone could have been hurt ... BADLY. All because of me. It became even more clear to me how many people have been/could have been hurt by my drinking, and it was a really good wakeup call for me, making me that much more determined to stay the course. If something had happened to that child because of my negligence, I don't think I ever would have been able to forgive myself.
So today, at 3+ months sober, I am soooo very grateful. Life is good and keeps getting better. I'm doing what I love, doing it well, and grateful that I have these blessings in my life.
Just wanted to share and encourage the rest of you. I hope I did.
I have been doing this for several years, but just started at this particular center last year, when I was at the WORST with my drinking. I worked there 3 days a week, and most days I showed up hungover. This year is a whole new experience doing it completely sober and NOT hungover. And what an even bigger blessing that has turned out to be ... in more ways than one.
Because today, the horse I was leading had a major freakout. The rider was thrown (he's okay, thankfully) and I had to keep the horse under control so he wouldn't hurt himself, me, or anyone else riding/working in the arena. And he's a BIG horse and I'm a small person! It was all over in a matter of seconds, thank God, and ended on a positive note for all concerned. But I couldn't help but wonder how badly it could have turned out if I had still been in the foggy/hungover state that I used to be in when I was there. I've worked with horses all my life, so I know that you have to have your wits about you when you're around them ... they're big, they can hurt you, and if you're weak or scared or ineffective in some way, they can sense it. And if they're freaked out and they don't feel confident in your ability to "make it better," things can get real bad, real fast.
Well, after I left the barn, I felt such guilt over last year, and the sorry state I was in ... if something like this had happened a year ago, I'm not sure I would have handled it as well as I did today and someone could have been hurt ... BADLY. All because of me. It became even more clear to me how many people have been/could have been hurt by my drinking, and it was a really good wakeup call for me, making me that much more determined to stay the course. If something had happened to that child because of my negligence, I don't think I ever would have been able to forgive myself.
So today, at 3+ months sober, I am soooo very grateful. Life is good and keeps getting better. I'm doing what I love, doing it well, and grateful that I have these blessings in my life.
Just wanted to share and encourage the rest of you. I hope I did.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Thank God it all turned out well. Yet another reason to stay sober! It's funny how people don't realized exactly how impaired heavy drinkers are in general. We're not just impaired when we're drunk, we carry a fog around with us for a large part of each day.
How's the horsie?
How's the horsie?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Those kind of realisations are scary...but don't dwell on them or the guilt too much DS.
You were 'there' today and you'll be there in future - and really? that's what counts
and ty for what you do - sounds awesome
D
You were 'there' today and you'll be there in future - and really? that's what counts
and ty for what you do - sounds awesome
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
It's interesting and scary how the effects of our drinking can so easily be disastrous.
I love your post and that you are able to see the changes in yourself and to see the positive side of the accident today.
I love your post and that you are able to see the changes in yourself and to see the positive side of the accident today.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by desertsong 
Luling, the horse is fine. Got him calmed down pretty quick. Another thing I probably wouldn't have been able to do if I'd been in my usual "fog."
I think what you do is amazing, by the way.
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Wow. What a great story. Remember. Don't waste time dwelling on the past. It's over. Luckily In that time no one was ever hurt. But today? You did an amazing job at keeping your cool because you were sober. What a great thing! So glad you are in a much better place!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 23
A very thought provoking story to read. Sobriety does bring more control.
Desertsong, I don't know if it means much to you/for you in your walk of sobriety, but I reflect often on some wise words from you back in February
that gave me the traction I needed then, to move forward. You wrote...
"If it were me, I wouldn't jeopardize 14 hard-won days of sobriety for ANYTHING. "
Thank you from day 136
Desertsong, I don't know if it means much to you/for you in your walk of sobriety, but I reflect often on some wise words from you back in February
that gave me the traction I needed then, to move forward. You wrote...
"If it were me, I wouldn't jeopardize 14 hard-won days of sobriety for ANYTHING. "
Thank you from day 136
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