12skiptomylue

Well, I made it 95 days on my first attempt. I received some devestating news regarding a family member's health on Tuesday night. It brought up so much for me, and actually, caused my PTSD to flair up again.

I went to a meeting last night. And I talked to someone afterwards. All the while I was thinking about getting drunk. I was just in so much pain.

I drove home from the meeting, and right before my house, I turned the car around and drove to the store. And then I proceeded to get wasted, and cry the whole time.

I woke up this morning to find that I pooped on my carpet. I can't find my pants even though I stayed home the whole time. And I just got a text message from a friend that I called her last night, drunk, and that she is worried about me. I have no memory of calling her. I have never blacked out before and I feel mortified!!!!

And to make it all worse, I woke up, and drove to the store to get some tonic to have a gin and tonic because I wasn't quite done yet.

I can't believe this is happening!

sober4myboys

You can stop now and start again. No sense in giving up because of a slip.

Live2Run25

Hey. First of all, Hang in there. I don't know how it is, because i've never been there, but I too fear for what will happen when I get devastating news myself. But you made it 95 days, so we know you are capable. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and Make tomorrow Day 1. Take today to deal with your feelings, and then get up tomorrow and start fresh. So sorry for you.

DisplacedGRITS

It happens. Now is the time to regroup and try to understand what you can learn from the experience. What could you have done differently? Was there anything you could have done when you first felt that tug to go to the liquor store? Someone you could have called or somewhere you could have gone? When did that craving first set in? Most likely it was actually there before you turned the wheel of your car. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over knowing that when you're able to answer those questions you'll have even more tools in your belt for your battle against alcohol. A relapse is a terrible thing but is also an opportunity for self reflection and growth. Something still isn't right. Some part of the puzzle is still missing. Don't beat yourself up right now. Learn and grow.

stepping

Skip. Don't beat yourself up Hun! It happened it's over. Water under the bridge. But please turn around and stop the madness before it continues. Today will b rough but it'll only get worse if u keep the relapse going. No regrets just turn around now. I'll pray for u. U have been a huge inspiration to keep me sober. I love your posts about sobriety and I adore your honesty. Huge gigantic hug !!! I feel your pain.

Anna

Skip, blackouts are so scary. I had many blackouts in the last months of my drinking and it's such an awful feeling.

I'm glad you're back.

duane1

Part of quitting is that when you go back, expect the results to be much worse for your body since your mind and body aren't on the same drinking page anymore. Let the bad from last night be a reminder of why you quit and why you can no longer live a life with alcohol. Throw out anything that is left and start from where you left off before last night. Go to bed early if you have to to get that one day back under you again.

OCDDan

I'm so sorry to hear this Skip, your night sounds like some of the crazy stunts i pulled. I also know that feeling of blacking out and doing things I didn't remember, and wondering if I have heard it all yet or is there more coming. you'll need to be strong for your family member too, my thoughts are with you. be strong my friend

sugarbear1

I blamed mine on the cat.....

Start over!!! You can get through this.

Hugs,

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your bad news your PTSD and your relapse Skip - but I'm glad you're back with us so soon....the sooner you pull out of the dive the easier it will be to get back on track.

Got some AA numbers to call?

D

artsoul

Hi skip - just want to give you some hugs and say that I think you did an excellent job getting to 95 days. You were only going to stop for a week I think at first, right?

I'm so sorry to hear about your family member. It's natural for us to think of alcohol as a way to deal with the pain, but it's only going to create more pain in the long run. We're here for you.....:ghug3

12skiptomylue

Thank You all for your support. I made it to a meeting yesterday and this morning. Yesterday i honestly said I wasn't going to drink anymore. When i got up this morning I wanted another drink. I managed to make it to the meeting before doing it again.

I still feel really sick today. Last drink was about 10am yesterday. And it was only one heavy drink. I still feel hung over. Nauseous, headache, eyes hurt, really tired, difficulty paying attention and understanding what people are saying. And I broke out in hives last night. Is this normal? Am I still just hungover or is this withdrawal?

Dee74

I've never had hives so that bit isn't normal for me.
why not see a Dr if you're concerned Skip?

D

Elisabeth888

12Skip, I am glad you have not drank today! Stay strong.

You just illustrated the progressive nature of our disease. It takes less and less time to get in very bad shape. Remember this hangover. Let it be a reminder that alcohol is poison to you.

On my last relapse I only had one very strong drink but it made me feel like total crap afterwards. Nervous wreck, headache, stomach ache. Today is day 45. Thank God.

DisplacedGRITS

Hives is unusual and may or may not be connected. A doctor visit is a good idea in any case.

12skiptomylue

I looked the hives up online. They went away. It said that hives on the chest and upper arms are usually stress related. No surprise there.

And I drank again.

Elisabeth888

Stop now before you really feel totally awful!