Suddenly I see!
 

Ok ... I lied.... It was not so sudden.

I woke up in a very introspective mood. Day 3 again and needed to see what's different this time. Why should I believe myself.

Before I lost my daily life to drugs and alcohol I used to spend 5 minutes in the morning quiet and still. I guess meditation but that always sounded more lofty than I ever felt worthy of. So I decided that spending this time again will help me seeing things I need to to stay sober.

This morning I decided to focus on this statement,,,, " I can see my world differently if I try"

So I thought back ... Picked a specific time... 2006. I just turned 40. I was in the depths of crack and alcohol. I focused on trying to feel the feelings I knew then. Place myself in the apartment I was in. Picture the people I let feed off me.

I cried. It felt good. I think they were tears mixed with sadness and joy.

Suddenly I see that today is so much better that I can hardly believe it.

So what's different I thought? Everything. I had the strength to change things to get to this point. And this is still a sketchy spot to be at just three days. So it may not be sudden but I am moving at glacier speed. And they can move miles!

Like I said... Introspective today. :)

Weasel, I identify!

Some very important parts of my recovery took place while I was still using, like recognizing my addiction for what it was, researching sobriety, and coming to believe that it was worth doing, that I could do it and that I could live a life worth living.

I had a number of those "ah ha" moments, even when I was seriously messed up/wasted. Realizing that I didn't want to die, I just had no idea how to live.

Realizing the world wasn't doing anything to me, that I was doing this to myself. that came just a few days into getting clean.

I could not have gotten clean, let alone stayed clean, had I not had those insights/moments of truth.

Thank you SO much for sharing your recovery and insights with us. I am so thrilled by each victory and honest share here that keep me moving forward as well.

Great progress, Weasel! :)

Keep moving forward!

This is fantastic!! Happy for you! =)

Loved that, Weasel. You are capable of doing this. You will do it, because you can.

Thanks fresh start.

Was having my normal 5 o'clock temptations. Had no plans on giving in but I always go through 4 hours a night where I need to focus.

Hearing you say that is helpful.

Thanks you!

I will do it! I want it!

Hey Weasel

Well done for getting back on the wagon, and thanks for sharing both your highs and your lows with us. I've got a lot of respect for that.

Be blessed buddy.

One day at a time, Ken. Every sober new day is an adventure in learning about ourselves. I'm with Michael ... I really admire your determination to keep plugging along and keep learning. You're a great example of how a relapse doesn't have to mean failure ... it can mean learning something new about ourselves if we let it.

Right on, friend. Right on. :)

Weasel, I love your thread. :)

I have learned that 'quiet time' is essential for me. I need time to work through things in my mind, on a regular basis. Good for you for listening to your soul and paying attention to what it's telling you.

Thank you!

I woke up today so different than yesterday. It is such a crazy road.

but... same thought today. I have not finished with the idea that I can see my world differently.

thats a big one to swallow.

really sad today. not gonna do anything more than observe it. Going with it leads to where none of us wanna go.

need you all today.

:)

Action changes mood! Feelings aren't facts. Probably just old feelings surfacing here. It happens. This doesn't mean your whole day will be sad, just for now, it's subject to change!

Keep staying strong. Nothing will be made better by numbing ourselves!

Have a wonderfully sober day!

Love,

The medicine i needed....

I will go along for the ride. Trying to manage emotions leads to nothing.

What goes down must come up.... Eventually. :)

Thanks!