Lanah

I was doing so well but probably shod have stayed closer to the boards here. I drank alot last night for no good reason and I feel like crap today. Last night I even debated over and over again with myself if I should stop on my way home to buy alcohol or not! Back n forth and I was even tired and coukd have just gone to bed but I forced myself to drink. Luckily I didn't act too crazy with people but still this morning wondered what I was saying to people on facebook at odd hours of the wee morning hours. Ho hum feeling down and once again worrying about my poor liver. I worry about it so much but I'm sure it's fine but it won't be ten more years of this binging that I tend to do the majority of times I drink. More time than not I wake up hungover when I drink and that is one of the reasons I know I'm an alcoholic.... I'm so use to drinking tons that when I drink I am on a mission to over do it. My day is ruined and I won't be exercising, obviously and I'll eat taco bell because I'm hungover so not only is the amount I'm drinking way too much but the after effects are long lasting and I won't be able to fully function until tomorrow. So here I lay hungover once again and thinking how many hangovers I've had in the past 25 years is way too many to count. I think I lost track after age 18 and now 45!!!!

oh2exhale

Lanah, I am so sorry you have disappointed yourself once again. You know, failure is not in the falling down, its in the not getting back up. To your credit you are here on these boards, you are not drinking today. We only have right now - so, right now dont drink! But, now what? Maybe get a spiral binder and write down how you feel today. Write down how you felt yesterday before you drank, and during the drinking. Get to the reasons why you feel like harming yourself in this way. For me, once I discovered the reasons behind my drinking I was able to figure out a way of dealing
with them without alcohol. Then when those same old feelings that preceed a drink come up I go, " Aha! there it is, the reason I normally run to the bottle!" I then choose some other (healthier) coping strategy until those feelings recede. We cannot fix what we dont acknowledge - we are only as
sick as our secrets.
Take good care of yourself!

Payton

You are not alone - I relate to everything you just said, including the forcing yourself to drink part. I recently had a slip and I didn't even enjoy the taste of the wine, and after the first glass didn't even taste it at all. What kind of support do you have for your sobriety?

Lanah

I know I need to identify with why I drink after so long but it's like I get to a certain time frame (days) and then I always drink which doesn't allow me to get over the hurdle and I've been doing this for years.

I read on here to not count the days and in my case that would help! I always seem to drink when I start feeling like I'm getting the flu days after stopping the drinking. Don't know why I drink when I start feeling "the flu like" symptoms coming on but it's like clockwork after days of not drinking I start feeling sick then I force myself to drink.

Sapling

I think you have to try something different Lanah...I tried the same thing over and over and it got me nowhere...Trying something different and committing myself to it and I'm coming up on a year without a drink....It can be done...Nothing changes...If nothing changes.

Anna

Lanah, I hope you are able to step out of the vicious cycle and stop drinking.

It's hard, I know, but I hope you will be inspired to live a sober life.

Dee74

Hi Lanah

I tried for a long time to work out why I'd drink but that didn't do me much good.

What really worked was action - I got a support network and I used it - especially when I felt vulnerable.

Once the debate in my head started I was usually lost - so maybe don't start the debate....call in those reinforcements and beat that desire to drink

you can do this

D

Angela1234

This is what happened to me last week too - we can do this!