Average everyday scumbag....
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congrats on 2 days, elgato - and welcome to the forum!
Things really will get better. I was a wreck when I got here, too, and didn't even realize that almost all of my anxiety and depression was due to alcohol. I felt like a completely different person once I got sober.
Keep reading and posting - the support here is great!
Things really will get better. I was a wreck when I got here, too, and didn't even realize that almost all of my anxiety and depression was due to alcohol. I felt like a completely different person once I got sober.
Keep reading and posting - the support here is great!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome. When I drink, I lie. Well, the truth is when I'm sober I still lie, just less often and I am at least aware of when I do it.
For me, lying is my "default setting" when I drink. I think it starts that I can not ever have a bad day the day after I drink. Meaning, I can't tell everyone how awful I feel, how alone, how ashamed, how guilty, because if I did that, by definition, would mean I have a problem with alcohol.
The simple question of "How are you this morning" was a situation where I had to lie. I'd say "great, never better" when inside I felt awful, ashamed, embarresed, etc...
When my words don't match my feelings I don't feel ok in my own skin. When that happens I need to "fix" that feeling. My solution for that feeling was alcohol.
Now that I'm not drinking, I find myself "living out loud" and honestly much more often.
When we sober up, we actually have a chance at stopping this behavior. What a gift recovery is!
Best Wishes!
For me, lying is my "default setting" when I drink. I think it starts that I can not ever have a bad day the day after I drink. Meaning, I can't tell everyone how awful I feel, how alone, how ashamed, how guilty, because if I did that, by definition, would mean I have a problem with alcohol.
The simple question of "How are you this morning" was a situation where I had to lie. I'd say "great, never better" when inside I felt awful, ashamed, embarresed, etc...
When my words don't match my feelings I don't feel ok in my own skin. When that happens I need to "fix" that feeling. My solution for that feeling was alcohol.
Now that I'm not drinking, I find myself "living out loud" and honestly much more often.
When we sober up, we actually have a chance at stopping this behavior. What a gift recovery is!
Best Wishes!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 344
Thanks for your post, elgato! I'm just chiming in to say that I'm another who becomes a terrible person when drunk. I've said and done things that crush me with shame...
All I know is, if I don't drink, I don't do that stuff. Proven! by the many times I've stopped drinking for a stretch of time. What I've learned most from this is that I cannot ever go back to drink -- no matter what my alkie mind tells me once I feel better for a while/sober -- I cannot go back there and become that monster ever again.
Remember, that monster not only hurts your family, but YOU too, and you are worth saving. The world wants to see the real you, not that horrid bastardized version alcohol creates, right?
All I know is, if I don't drink, I don't do that stuff. Proven! by the many times I've stopped drinking for a stretch of time. What I've learned most from this is that I cannot ever go back to drink -- no matter what my alkie mind tells me once I feel better for a while/sober -- I cannot go back there and become that monster ever again.
Remember, that monster not only hurts your family, but YOU too, and you are worth saving. The world wants to see the real you, not that horrid bastardized version alcohol creates, right?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 41
Alcohol certainly contributed to me acting like a schmuck in the past. Im 2 days sober, myself, so I'm right there with you brother. I just keep reminding myself one day at a time. I already like the changes I've seen in myself. Have encountered a few challenging circumstances but so far so good. Hang in there.
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