TribalSpirit

I have had anxiety off and on for over 40 years. I am working step 4 and seeing so much I had denied or repressed always living in my head.

Since starting step 4 and really looking at my dishonesty and out of touch self my anxiety is much worse and my health problems have also gotten worse.

Anyone one else had this happen?

Blessings Rik

Sapling

I found praying helped me a lot in that step....I prayed as much as I wrote.

sugarbear1

Step 4 can be an emotional step. We've lived with all of these things inside of us and now we get to see it on paper. When we stop now, we often relapse. Get through this, rely on your higher power (the decision we made in step 3 to be under the care of a power greater than us) and you can do this!

I strongly suggest you finish it. Get to step 5, that is where our sponsor helps us to view things in a different way. We get out of our self-centeredness and begin to see things from the other person's viewpoint (hopefully). We see our patterns of behavior and we see how fear ruled us.

The relief we feel after steps 5-7 is real. We must keep moving forward in those steps; no time to stop now! Freedom will come, especially after completing step 9.

I wish you well,

tomsteve

when i got into recovery through AA, i heard a few people coming back saying they got to the 4th step and got drunk. when i started my 4th step i was rockin on it. i asked a man with a LOT of good sober time under his belt why i wasnt having a problem with the 4th step and others go back out and drink or struggle with it. he said," you did the fisrt 3 steps."
so, you may want to back up a step or 3. what does your sponsor say?

the past has been done. there are no original thoughts, actions, or sins. they have all been done before by many other people. the only way the past can keep hurting us is to not face it.
fear= F*** Everything And Run
or
Face Everything And Recover.

pinkdog

Forgive yourself. It's good to admit what you have done in the past. However, make sure you forgive yourself. It is good to have your eyes open. Be your own friend. How would you treat a friend who made mistakes? with kindness and compassion. Do this to yourself. And go forward. You have to leave the guilt behind with the alcohol. Google urge surfing. This is a technique for self-soothing. It helps so much with my anxiety. Instead of overeacting, just let it wash over you. Try it. Physical health and mental health are enmeshed. They work together. Love and a hug to you.

losingmygrip

Maybe its like an emotional purge, if you have been repressing for many years its like opening an abcess and letting the infection out. You get worse before you get better. Just take it one feeling at a time and practice lots of self care- exercise, eat right, rest when you are tired, get fresh air etc.

I'm giving my best advice based on my experience with getting honest with myself about the roles I played in perpetuating my pain in various situations and relationships. However when I attempted my fourth step I got really hung up, looking at all those painful things on paper created a lot of shame for me and I never did finish it...its on my to do list.

FredG

Step 4 is a tricking one, but most alcoholics, (including myself), over think it. An inventory is just an inventory. If you buy a previously owned restaurant, you can't just open the doors and start serving food. You need to make sure that there's no garbage behind the stove, what are your food stocks like, do you need to repaint the table area, and in short, you need to look at everything.

So when doing a step 4, don't just look at your shortcomings, look at the good things too. My sponsor said to me, get 3 tabs of paper, label one "good" for all the good things about you, label one "grey" for all the things that are OK but need work, and one "bad" for all the things you want to get rid of. Then grab a mirror, sit down at a desk, prop the mirror up in front of you, start writing and every now and then look up at the problem.

As you're writing, you're already doing part of step 5 by doing the "admitting to yourself" part, simply by writing. To me that was the hardest part, being honest with me.