Desperate for help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 31
Desperate for help
I'm 27 years old and am finally admitting I am an alcoholic. I hit rock bottom this past weekend. I had been drinking every day from Thursday June 7th until last night. I was doing ok before that but whenever I start drinking, I can't just have a few like normal people, I get blackout drunk every time. I somehow still managed to go to work for most of the week, but I would drink before work. Whatever i had, champagne, vodka, beer. I do sale for a beer company and my job is to go to bars all day, so clearly that doest help. I felt like I was going to die for the past few days. And I barely eat when I'm on a bender which is so bad. To help my anxiety I drank more. I finally panicked and went home to see my family on Friday which i do when i get like this. I freaked out at the mall on saturday and had a panic attack with my brother and had to go to a bar a
nd chug 2 huge beers. After i had already drank an entire bottle of wine in the morning hiding in my room. Then we drank when we got home. Yesterday I was so panicked but didn't let myself drink. My family did not know what was wrong with me. I was breathing out of a bag and took 2 xanax .5mg a few hours apart. Finally at night i couldn't sleep and was reading about alcohol withdrawal and freaked out so bad i went into my parents room and said I needed to go to the hospital at 3am. I told them everything. That i was sneaking alcohol and I was scared for my life. I was convulsing my dad had to hold me down. They weren't as understanding as I would hope. Refused to take me to the ER, and told me I need to get my life together, which I know is true but the sadness and depression and self loathing I feel I swear would kill me. I didn't sleep one wink last night i was terrified I'd never wake up. I had to take an early train back to the city today. I took a xanax this morning, but its just making me feel.lethargic. I almost fell asleep a few times but I was afraid i would die on the train. I don't know what I'm gonna tell my roommate and friends that I can never drink again. I'm so scared and sad and guilty. I wish I never drank in my life. I'm worried I'm gonna get fired from my job and am wearing a boot cast which I urinated on one night when I came home drunk. I used to see a psychiatrist and he gave me nalproxen or whatever that is that's supposed to help.cravings. but I was scared to take it. Can I take it now if I haven't had a drink since like 1am and it was just one beer? I didn't drink at all Sunday until that beer at night. Please someone give me advice I've been drinking a lot of powerade and water for the past 2 days but hardly eating. And I got these sores on my chest and back.of.my neck. And I keep.picking at my face. I am so scared I just want to feel normal again
nd chug 2 huge beers. After i had already drank an entire bottle of wine in the morning hiding in my room. Then we drank when we got home. Yesterday I was so panicked but didn't let myself drink. My family did not know what was wrong with me. I was breathing out of a bag and took 2 xanax .5mg a few hours apart. Finally at night i couldn't sleep and was reading about alcohol withdrawal and freaked out so bad i went into my parents room and said I needed to go to the hospital at 3am. I told them everything. That i was sneaking alcohol and I was scared for my life. I was convulsing my dad had to hold me down. They weren't as understanding as I would hope. Refused to take me to the ER, and told me I need to get my life together, which I know is true but the sadness and depression and self loathing I feel I swear would kill me. I didn't sleep one wink last night i was terrified I'd never wake up. I had to take an early train back to the city today. I took a xanax this morning, but its just making me feel.lethargic. I almost fell asleep a few times but I was afraid i would die on the train. I don't know what I'm gonna tell my roommate and friends that I can never drink again. I'm so scared and sad and guilty. I wish I never drank in my life. I'm worried I'm gonna get fired from my job and am wearing a boot cast which I urinated on one night when I came home drunk. I used to see a psychiatrist and he gave me nalproxen or whatever that is that's supposed to help.cravings. but I was scared to take it. Can I take it now if I haven't had a drink since like 1am and it was just one beer? I didn't drink at all Sunday until that beer at night. Please someone give me advice I've been drinking a lot of powerade and water for the past 2 days but hardly eating. And I got these sores on my chest and back.of.my neck. And I keep.picking at my face. I am so scared I just want to feel normal again
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 379
Hi bender
I am here for you until someone comes along with a bit more experience.
I quit 6 months ago now and was very lucky to not have any withdrawal so I cannot really tell you waht to expect. Everyone is different anyway.
Can you get to an A&E department and tal to someone? What about rehab. Can you afford to check yourself in for treatment.
I know right now you are in a whole worl dof pain and are frightened, but you can do this. Plenty do and go on to live happy lives. Hang in there and don't give up on yourself.
Someone will be along soon, stay online.
Sunny xxx
I am here for you until someone comes along with a bit more experience.
I quit 6 months ago now and was very lucky to not have any withdrawal so I cannot really tell you waht to expect. Everyone is different anyway.
Can you get to an A&E department and tal to someone? What about rehab. Can you afford to check yourself in for treatment.
I know right now you are in a whole worl dof pain and are frightened, but you can do this. Plenty do and go on to live happy lives. Hang in there and don't give up on yourself.
Someone will be along soon, stay online.
Sunny xxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I have enough experience to know that detoxing alone can be fatal...Why your parents didn't take you to the ER is beyond me....I'd go see your doctor...If you don't have one...Take yourself to the ER.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Sapling 
I have enough experience to know that detoxing alone can be fatal...Why your parents didn't take you to the ER is beyond me....I'd go see your doctor...If you don't have one...Take yourself to the ER.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I would pick up the phone book and call your local AA chapter.
If you aren't going to a Dr. or the ER then get with another AA person who will get you to a meeting.
They will know what to do better than I do sitting at my computer in Canada.
I know how you feel, I was there too.
All the best.
Bob R
If you aren't going to a Dr. or the ER then get with another AA person who will get you to a meeting.
They will know what to do better than I do sitting at my computer in Canada.
I know how you feel, I was there too.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Sunshine State
Posts: 95
I wish I had great advice for you. But all I can say is that I'm so sorry you're going through this, and that your parents were not understanding. SR has been so amazing for me already. I feel like I have friends that understand me here.
Grateful AA member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
You are terrified and I am sorry you are feeling this way. Go to the ER and speak to a Dr. so you can get help with detoxing and your anxiety. Reading all that stuff online and thinking the worst is creating a lot of anxiety in you. Can you make another appt. to see a psychiatrist? I would talk to one and see if you can get into therapy also. I would also look into AA or other forms of addiction supports because you arent alone and we have all been there. Getting help is the first step. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 31
Thank you all so much for your support. I'm currently in the ER and feeling a little better now that I have some fluids in me. Still waiting to see what they say I've only seen nurses so far. But i told them the truth and they are very understanding. I'm just very worried I'm gonna lose my job and theni won't have insurance. I am humiliated to tell them the truth. Ive just been saying I have panic attacks, but I think they know the real reason. I'm so nervous to have to see them tomorrow. How is everyones recovery going along? What are your stories
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it really isnt humiliating being honest. its humility. ya done the right thing and PLEASE make getting and staying sober yer #1 priority.
and PLEASE be honst about your drinking and let them know you want help.
and PLEASE be honst about your drinking and let them know you want help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 205
I am so glad you have gone to the E.R.! Did you tell them about the convulsing? Please do, and be totally honest about the extent of your drinking. You will not lose your job! You are getting help and right now make sure you withdraw safely. We are here for support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by bender2
Thank you all so much for your support. I'm currently in the ER and feeling a little better now that I have some fluids in me. Still waiting to see what they say I've only seen nurses so far. But i told them the truth and they are very understanding. I'm just very worried I'm gonna lose my job and theni won't have insurance. I am humiliated to tell them the truth. Ive just been saying I have panic attacks, but I think they know the real reason. I'm so nervous to have to see them tomorrow. How is everyones recovery going along? What are your stories
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
Wonderful that you went to the ER! Very good decision!!! One step in the right direction.
My recovery is going ok. I had 30+ days and then had an ugly slip. I am back on track today and planning to get more support myself.
Keep updating, we are thinking of you.
My recovery is going ok. I had 30+ days and then had an ugly slip. I am back on track today and planning to get more support myself.
Keep updating, we are thinking of you.
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