Weasel1966

The point of this thread is nothing more than an observation of how I came to realize I had a serious and deadly drug and alcohol problem.

There was no epiphany. There were no trumpets. Not much of anything I allowed myself to see would have told me just how bad things got. I surrounded myself with those who had a drug and drinking problem as bad or worse than my own.

I knew I had a problem. I went to rehab twice. Actually 2.3 times. But as any alcoholic can attest to even in the midst of admitting we have an issue we continue to do as we please because we have not gotten there yet.

I was living in a rural area of a rural state. A place of friendly people and long winters. I went to the worst kind of bars. Rough ones where the fisherman and homeless would gather from 6 in the morning. Yes the bar opened at 6. Not that either class of people are in anyway bad people. But we were a bunch of very determined drinkers.

I have always been a white collar professional. Make a good buck. Always owned a home and times two. That does not imply stability or success.

I have a partner of now 18 years. We went down this slippery slope together. Like the lobster put in the pot of cold water until the heat got turned up we sank lower and deeper into drinking and drugs. No need to say the list of what we did. That can be a trigger for people just glamorizing it. Let's just say we got to the big guns.

Heavy stuff. We were spending upwards of $1000 a week. We supplied all the drugs for weekend parties at our house.

In this environment I saw what was happenin and helpless to stop it.

So how did I come to sobriety? I am only still new at it. But no less determined to be sober than I was to be drunk. More so.

I believe in a higher power. And I am grateful for that belief.

My partner had a good job before we moved from metropolis. But we needed to get out of such a busy area. We moved away. Well one day after nearly 11 years.... Can you believe that...11 years. His old job called and asked him to come back. He holds a high level position . They offered him a huge salary. More than double what we made together. That's purely unbelievable.

We were literally plucked out of our world. Within 3 weeks we were out of our life and thrust back into the very busy and very fast area we started in.

I believe this to be nothing less than gods hand.

This place is less forgiving. You cannot survive if you are not on your game. Still we spent the first year trying to maintain the level of abuse we were familiar with.

I now realize that I would never.... Never... Have seen the issue for what it was had I not come to this place.

Let's be clear. I f'ing hate it hear. The people are rude and the place overcrowded.. Ever reason I left in the first place is more prevalent now.

The only way out is to be sober. Learn how to live a sober life. A life I want over a life not worth living.

If I try to go and move to a better place I will only take with me the agony of alcohol and drug addiction. I need to solve this in my life in one of the worst places I could ever live.

I am so damn grateful for this new hell. Because without I would very realistically not be hear.

How we come to see ourself as broken drunks that require help is a miracle sometimes. I had nothing less than a miracle in my life.

How did you come to know? *You may not still know. We sometimes do not see with our eyes.

2granddaughters

Amazing what we'll do for money.

I can identify with your "awakening' and wish you well in your recovery program.

Bob R

Weasel1966

I see it more like its amazing what we will do for better opportunities in life.

Thanks for your well wishing. I will do just fine in my program.

HitRockBottom70

Ken, all I know is that it was no miracle in my case. It is a complete mystery to me how a person can intend to have 1 margarita before his partner gets home from work. But by the time he gets home ready for us to take the dog down to the beach for a walk I am drunker than I have ever been. I have no memory of it. No miracle. Just a very scary thing that happened. My miracle was joining this group and meeting people like you who helped save my life.

Weasel1966

Hey buddy.... I hear ya.

You are doing a great job in respecting yourself and staying sober. You really inspire me.

I posted how I drank last night. I got scared. That's lame. Real lame. AV got me.

It may have been a miracle that I got to this point. But the next step is certainly a leap of faith. All miracles aside I mean.

I have more sober days this month than in years. I will keep going at it everyday.