cooplegal

Ive only been married a year, separated for 7 months. I did not know my husband was a functional alcholic that went on severe binges, until 2 weeks after we were married. He had been drinking passing out every night, yelling obscentities at me, not letting my son or I sleep, and passed out in the bathtub, I was afraid he was going to hurt himself, he blamed a lot on diabetes and blood sugar, taking double doses of pain medication etc. I called my mother in law, who told me that he had been an alcoholic since age 7, hes now 45, and he had just gotten out of rehab 1 month before meeting me, but never stopped drinking in rehab. No one told me, because they thought i would stop the marriage (yes I would have). His father in New Mexico, he hadnt seen in 5 years, I visited with him there, and he acting peculiar always wanting to go into convenience stores to urinate. Well supposively, he had stopped drinking took his medication from California moved back, and I signed a lease, but told him it would be several weeks before I moved in due to the fact I am a graduate student in the middle of midterms, and my son was in high school. I have found he hasnt changed at all, but has gotten worse. I refuse to move in or even talk about it, until he has been sober for a month, on antabuse and in a counseling program. Everytime I have seen him he has been drunk (or at least stumbling from side to side and talking to a closed cell phone on the other side of the room). He wont eat for days, despite the house is stocked with easy to prepare, or prepared food. He refuses to go to a doctor, and fills my text messages on myphone to overflowing. My New Mexico inlaws are supportive and understanding, suggesting I may have to divorce or annul the marriage, as I was deceived. My Idahoian relatives think I should quit my private school top level in the country graduate program to take care of him!!!! Are their any good detox programs that are inexpensive in southern california? I dont know if I'm allowed to ask that, sorry if that's an infraction of the rules. Im highly emotional, since he was stumbling drunk on our wedding anniversary on Friday night, but I feel like just handing him a list and saying here are some choices, I'm sure there are more, if you decide to enter a program and be medically supervised after a month of sobriety give me a call other wise I cannot have a relationship with you. Because, you are not there, only Vodka and camels are, and that is not what I thought I married. The impression was you were a minister and we were going to live our lives to serve God and help people. But after one year I dont see this is possible.
Tired of trying

Dee74

Hi cooplegal

I'm sorry for your situation but yes I do think taking care of yourself and your child and establishing boundaries is the right thing to do.

When I got sober that was my job, not my loved ones.
Noone can get anyone else sober - it really has to be an internal thing, I think.

We have a Family and Friends forum here you might like to look at as well
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

welcome to SR

D

Sapling

Welcome to SR cooplegal....I'd say you are going in the right direction....Myself...Being an alcoholic...Who had his wife leave...Can tell you he won't stop till he's ready...And it doesn't sound like he is. Have you looked into Al Anon in your area...To get some support from people going through what you are? We also have a Friends an Family Forum here where you can cut and paste your post and get feedback there also...Your priority now...Is take care of yourself and your son...Nobody is going to tell him to get better but him....I know....I was him.


Here is the link...Glad you are here.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information