My Nutshell
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3
My Nutshell
Well, I had some clever comment to start this but it turned out I started this entire life story in how I came to be the person I am, I believe, today.
Since I was a kid I have always felt out of place. My life always felt dissident from what I felt I should be. I felt, subconsciously, I should conform or the world would reject me, and I soon found out no matter what I did, it still would reject me.
So after a life of, non-abusive parents who cared for me and fell into the middle class era of the 90's, my sister and I were bound together because I think we were the only ones in the world we felt we had. My sister and I never really shared our thoughts on situations, but we always expressed what we felt about our mother's alcoholism. She never hit us, never abused us, but ALWAYS embarrassed us. It can be overwhelming as a child.
So, we ended up, as the children we were at that moment, but in my 20-20 vision of hindsight I have come to realize that my downfall was going to be the person I have picked to be my friend. As the innocent child I was, I felt like a lot of what I had got raped from me by this guy. What he did was terrible, what his parents did were terrible. No, they didn't rape me and I shal not divulge what happened (only to a few choice people will that information ever become available), but lets put it this way; I had a "good friend" that I didn't feel comfortable with, but he would always put me down and beat me up. I know in my 20-20 I should've just kicked this guy in the teeth but I didn't and, to be perfectly honest, it may of been my downfall for what was to come. When I was in my second (Yes second, different story) year of Middle school...
One day I was, I guess who I was?, I was being picked on as usual, but this time it was different... this person would not give up. I tried getting up from the table, mind you this was lunch time at a public school so instructors couldn't spot things, and he followed me. He followed me until I broke down completely, til the point where they say we need to consider mental therapy.
I think, after all of this, I had decided I needed something to deal with life. I felt like I had nothing more to give to my life. I couldn't take my life, and I never could as naive as I was about alcohol, I decided to give into my friend. But here is the thing I mentioned before... I HATED alcohol.. but my sister had left and my "best friend" had been trying to convince me to drink. What is really REALLY weird about it all, is, well, quick story. One day, I go over to my friend's and he says, "HEY you have to try this!", I say (as the innocent kid at least I think I was), "No way! That has alcohol in it", he says, "No, no, this is just lemon juice", I finally give into him because of our relationship, "Okay!" after I finish drinking it he starts laughing and then says, "HAHAHA that thing was loaded with alcohol", I then try and shove my finger down my throat.
Gosh, I wish I had the old me back.
Well anyways I don't know who will read this and there is lots to come, but hello all and I wish you all a sober life...
It just feels like my life has been one complete train wreck with no one attached to it but one dispoindant (sic) healthy kid... and by that I mean I have ALWAYS wanted to be a healthy person but people seem to want me to be destroyed :\.
Goodnight all!
Stay Sober another day!
ASecondLife
PS My sober date was 12 days of sobriety and I'm starting anew... (No AA although I ENCOURAGE everyone that that works for them!)
<3's and stay safe, remember, driving is the number one killer of people of our age so don't get in a 2000 pound bullet to kill 2000 more people... (Yes that means your age too
)
PSS I may of gone into rants (I'm trying to work on that in my writing)
PSSS (Taking a writing course although I may not be doing so briliantly apparently)
Since I was a kid I have always felt out of place. My life always felt dissident from what I felt I should be. I felt, subconsciously, I should conform or the world would reject me, and I soon found out no matter what I did, it still would reject me.
So after a life of, non-abusive parents who cared for me and fell into the middle class era of the 90's, my sister and I were bound together because I think we were the only ones in the world we felt we had. My sister and I never really shared our thoughts on situations, but we always expressed what we felt about our mother's alcoholism. She never hit us, never abused us, but ALWAYS embarrassed us. It can be overwhelming as a child.
So, we ended up, as the children we were at that moment, but in my 20-20 vision of hindsight I have come to realize that my downfall was going to be the person I have picked to be my friend. As the innocent child I was, I felt like a lot of what I had got raped from me by this guy. What he did was terrible, what his parents did were terrible. No, they didn't rape me and I shal not divulge what happened (only to a few choice people will that information ever become available), but lets put it this way; I had a "good friend" that I didn't feel comfortable with, but he would always put me down and beat me up. I know in my 20-20 I should've just kicked this guy in the teeth but I didn't and, to be perfectly honest, it may of been my downfall for what was to come. When I was in my second (Yes second, different story) year of Middle school...
One day I was, I guess who I was?, I was being picked on as usual, but this time it was different... this person would not give up. I tried getting up from the table, mind you this was lunch time at a public school so instructors couldn't spot things, and he followed me. He followed me until I broke down completely, til the point where they say we need to consider mental therapy.
I think, after all of this, I had decided I needed something to deal with life. I felt like I had nothing more to give to my life. I couldn't take my life, and I never could as naive as I was about alcohol, I decided to give into my friend. But here is the thing I mentioned before... I HATED alcohol.. but my sister had left and my "best friend" had been trying to convince me to drink. What is really REALLY weird about it all, is, well, quick story. One day, I go over to my friend's and he says, "HEY you have to try this!", I say (as the innocent kid at least I think I was), "No way! That has alcohol in it", he says, "No, no, this is just lemon juice", I finally give into him because of our relationship, "Okay!" after I finish drinking it he starts laughing and then says, "HAHAHA that thing was loaded with alcohol", I then try and shove my finger down my throat.
Gosh, I wish I had the old me back.
Well anyways I don't know who will read this and there is lots to come, but hello all and I wish you all a sober life...
It just feels like my life has been one complete train wreck with no one attached to it but one dispoindant (sic) healthy kid... and by that I mean I have ALWAYS wanted to be a healthy person but people seem to want me to be destroyed :\.
Goodnight all!
Stay Sober another day!
ASecondLife
PS My sober date was 12 days of sobriety and I'm starting anew... (No AA although I ENCOURAGE everyone that that works for them!)
<3's and stay safe, remember, driving is the number one killer of people of our age so don't get in a 2000 pound bullet to kill 2000 more people... (Yes that means your age too
)PSS I may of gone into rants (I'm trying to work on that in my writing)
PSSS (Taking a writing course although I may not be doing so briliantly apparently
)
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
We meet on your second post, ASecondLife - welcome to SR.
I've read every word you wrote and can certainly identify with having an alcoholic mom and the struggles in dealing with our own alcoholism. Kind of like a double-whammy. We have choices we can make, however, that can change the course of our lives. We can succeed in spite of the rough starts we may have had.
I spent quite a few years, on and off, in counseling in an attempt to deal with my family's issues. The odd part is that while I was very busy trying to fix everyone else, my own drinking was spiraling out of control. I found I made very little progress in my life until I stopped drinking.
Once I dumped the booze and started taking care of myself, my life improved dramatically. The only person I can fix is me.
I'm glad you found SR and encourage you to keep posting.
I've read every word you wrote and can certainly identify with having an alcoholic mom and the struggles in dealing with our own alcoholism. Kind of like a double-whammy. We have choices we can make, however, that can change the course of our lives. We can succeed in spite of the rough starts we may have had.
I spent quite a few years, on and off, in counseling in an attempt to deal with my family's issues. The odd part is that while I was very busy trying to fix everyone else, my own drinking was spiraling out of control. I found I made very little progress in my life until I stopped drinking.
Once I dumped the booze and started taking care of myself, my life improved dramatically. The only person I can fix is me.
I'm glad you found SR and encourage you to keep posting.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Welcome to SR ASecondLifeNo AA, No problem. As you will see there are many members here at SR that have used a variety of ways to quit alcohol and live balanced healthy lives.
Being involved here at SR is a recovery tool like other recovery programs that help a person to develop skills that help them overcome alcohol or drug problems. I use a SR as a recovery tool along with other sobriety means like the links below.
SOS Recovery and LifeRing Recovery
SMART Tools and SMART Articles
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Addiction Recovery Tools
DBT Life Skills For Emotional Health Great tools for maintaining sobriety as well.
Free Google book preview The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By Jack Trimpey. (The Advanced Addiction Voice Recognition Technique or the AVRT)
Keep post and working through any obstacles that would hinder your desire to live alcohol free.
SMART Tools and SMART Articles
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Addiction Recovery Tools
DBT Life Skills For Emotional Health Great tools for maintaining sobriety as well.
Free Google book preview The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By Jack Trimpey. (The Advanced Addiction Voice Recognition Technique or the AVRT)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3
Hey, thanks for all the positive feedback. I appreciate your warm thoughts and intentions. I started sifting through those websites you left me and stumbled across LifeRing. It seems like a great program, and I will definitely be giving it a shot. Hehe, I know it is the second one you linked me too, but it is a daunting task to read entire websites. Their is still a lot of stuff to look through so it may take another day before I set my sites on a single, or multiple programs. I do plan to continue to post here! I have found, in my 12 day stent, that writing DEFINITELY helps me a ton because I can reflect and, through intuition, create new ideas for myself in times of need.
Thanks for the great posts and I will see you all around!
Thanks for the great posts and I will see you all around!
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