Day 7 detox - Im so ANGRY!!!!!
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Join Date: May 2012
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Day 7 detox - Im so ANGRY!!!!!
Im sorry if this is the wrong spot for this post. I am wondering if anyone can tell me why I am SO ANGRY! I wasnt yesterday - or the day before. I am on day 7 - detox off one every 4 hours of Norco 10/325 for 5 years. The week has been hell. Today I am so mad. I am not a mad person but I feel I am going mad with anger. Im yelling at everyone. What is making me mad is that I feel like my husband and son -- all they care about is themselves & I have been so weak & sick, tired, I could not put up this stupid blow up pool my mom got me so I could sit outside ( while detoxing ) and get some air without cooking and thought it would help with the leg movement thing ( which sucked the most ) and honestly, our deck isnt the best - needs some work -- but anyways - they put it out there after it sat for 5 days ( when i could have used it ) and they put it up - but when they did they put it to close to railing and the water expanded it and it was pushing onthe railing. So, I asked them to drain - and they didnt. So I did this morning with my weak blood pressure 80/50 - im pretty weak. I just think how rude of them! I do so much for them and when i need them - I get that???? I dont understand and I am so mad because thiis is not just about ME! They need to change the way they treat me too - I think. Its not just me but they make me think its ALL me. Coming off Norco was my idea - I did everything and anything to make this possible & now I feel like screw it. Can someone tell me what is going on with me ? Im crying, im angry, im mad... im all these things and noone to support me or anything. Can someone help me please? I dont understand why. 
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Hi Heartsmiles,
I think what's happening is that you're feeling the emotions you've been hiding for the five years you've been on drugs. Of course, life goes on, even while you're detoxing. I do remember wishing it could be all about me, but of course, that didn't happen. And, I also wished that others in my life would change. I thought that they must change. But, in the end, I could only change myself, and that's what I did. That's what you can do too, and let go of the stuff around you that's making you crazy.
I think what's happening is that you're feeling the emotions you've been hiding for the five years you've been on drugs. Of course, life goes on, even while you're detoxing. I do remember wishing it could be all about me, but of course, that didn't happen. And, I also wished that others in my life would change. I thought that they must change. But, in the end, I could only change myself, and that's what I did. That's what you can do too, and let go of the stuff around you that's making you crazy.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
hearts miles
Glad you came here to vent. My drug was alcohol and getting sober was an emotional see saw. My family drove me nuts. A year on I can look at the selfish behavior, I helped to create this monster by the way and shrug talk about my rights,wants and needs fairly calmly. I am still working on it.
It will take time and you will feel calmer, you have to believe that.
Good on you for the 7 days. keep coming and posting your feelings, you do need to vent.
Love
caiHong
Glad you came here to vent. My drug was alcohol and getting sober was an emotional see saw. My family drove me nuts. A year on I can look at the selfish behavior, I helped to create this monster by the way and shrug talk about my rights,wants and needs fairly calmly. I am still working on it.
It will take time and you will feel calmer, you have to believe that.
Good on you for the 7 days. keep coming and posting your feelings, you do need to vent.
Love
caiHong
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Welcome to SR Heartsmiles...I don't know what it's like to detox off Norco...But I can tell you detoxing off alcohol made for some good anger outbursts from me...I found myself getting angry at anyone and for any reason...Those mood swings get better with time...Nice job on 7 days...It's great to have you here...If you need to vent...This is the right place to do it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 25
CaiHong, Anna,
Thank you so both so much. Your replies are very insightful and very helpful.
Maybe I am over thinking things. I do have VERY bad anxiety because I do think, think, think.... also..... The same year - 2008 - was the year my dad passed away & he was the only one in my family that I felt like I had. I was daddys girl and we were great friends. I have always been the black sheep of the family but when he was here ---- it wasnt so bad b/c we were a pair. He was normal though ( no drugs or anything ) I never saw the man with a beer even.
Maybe I do want it to be about me because it NEVER is. I know the pool isnt the problem.... its that - --------- It honest to goodness makes me feel sad inside because its something they could have done for me - so easily. Its the only thing I asked & I do and I do and I do for them constantly & it genuinly hurt my feelings to feel like I had even ask.
I cant stop crying... I cant stop saying sorry for blowing up - even when im really NOT sorry (right now anyways)
I feel afarid this is how i am going to be - an angry person. Pissed at the world - when im pissed at me ??
I do get it --- I have spent my whole adult life trying to change everyone - trying to help everyone and it never did get me anywhere.
Now trying to change me is what I am trying to do but ( a big BUT ) I just want their support - as I would give it to them - as I do give it to them with whatever/whenever -- They make me feel like I just do not matter. Thats what hurt because I love them so & I think --- wow -- how little they care for me. Thank you for your replies - Im so raw right now, I know. I do understand what your saying and I agree but very hard to accept that -- if that makes sence. Thank you. - Heather
Thank you so both so much. Your replies are very insightful and very helpful.
Maybe I am over thinking things. I do have VERY bad anxiety because I do think, think, think.... also..... The same year - 2008 - was the year my dad passed away & he was the only one in my family that I felt like I had. I was daddys girl and we were great friends. I have always been the black sheep of the family but when he was here ---- it wasnt so bad b/c we were a pair. He was normal though ( no drugs or anything ) I never saw the man with a beer even.
Maybe I do want it to be about me because it NEVER is. I know the pool isnt the problem.... its that - --------- It honest to goodness makes me feel sad inside because its something they could have done for me - so easily. Its the only thing I asked & I do and I do and I do for them constantly & it genuinly hurt my feelings to feel like I had even ask.
I cant stop crying... I cant stop saying sorry for blowing up - even when im really NOT sorry (right now anyways)
I feel afarid this is how i am going to be - an angry person. Pissed at the world - when im pissed at me ??
I do get it --- I have spent my whole adult life trying to change everyone - trying to help everyone and it never did get me anywhere.
Now trying to change me is what I am trying to do but ( a big BUT ) I just want their support - as I would give it to them - as I do give it to them with whatever/whenever -- They make me feel like I just do not matter. Thats what hurt because I love them so & I think --- wow -- how little they care for me. Thank you for your replies - Im so raw right now, I know. I do understand what your saying and I agree but very hard to accept that -- if that makes sence. Thank you. - Heather
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Heather,
As time went on, I realized that a lot of my anger was directed at myself. How could I have let this happen to me? How could I have messed up my life so much? I began journalling when I felt angry, just random writing, but it really helped. I wrote and each time I wrote, some of the anger dissipated. In the end I trashed the journal because I didn't want anyone to find it at some point and it was quite healing for me.
As time went on, I realized that a lot of my anger was directed at myself. How could I have let this happen to me? How could I have messed up my life so much? I began journalling when I felt angry, just random writing, but it really helped. I wrote and each time I wrote, some of the anger dissipated. In the end I trashed the journal because I didn't want anyone to find it at some point and it was quite healing for me.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 25
What happens after the withdrawls off Norcos ?
Thank you all for your comments - I did start a journal , ty Anna - The anger has calmed down alot ( for now )
I have a question ? Its really weird & I dont understand whats going on with me. Last Sunday I felt really good - had lots of energy. Worked out in the yard and had NO pain - I did take an advil.
I was shocked I wasnt in pain and even more surprised the day after I had no pain.
Now, for the past 5 days I have been in so much pain. My mid & low back wont quit hurting. Friday night was so bad it was making me want to throw up the pain was so bad. My stomach is hurting & it feels related to my back, but maybe not. Sometimes I feel like its my kidneys ? Or My back hurts so bad its upsetting my stomach ? but the stomach problems are off the charts .... My eyes are puffy with dark circles under them. I have been getting some sleep - enough not to look like a zombie, I think.
I am beyond exhausted. NO energy, no nothing. I feel so weak. I do not have eough energy to stand in the shower!!
I feel emotionaly drained.Emotionally i feel weird!
Physically HURT. I do have back problems - and I am so scared that if this pain keeps happening I wont be able to live like this. I cant stay in a state of pain all the time. Does this go away ? Whats happening ? How can I go from no pain, to this much pain ( i would rate a 10 on pain scale ) Im so confused. My mind feels scattered.... cant think, cant concentrate. Can someone tell me what happens after you withdrawl ? What happens next ? What is happening ? Is this part of it ? Is this pain real ? feels real. I dont know what think, dont know what to do. Im very confused.
I do have back problems - I was rearened by a drunk driver while stopped at a red light - I was on a motorcycle - he hit me square in the back with his F250 truck and he never hit his brakes . Thats my 2nd wreck at that!! The first one I was air cared downtown - almost died. Slid and flew in the air for about 600ft - woke up with tubes down my throat and roadrash was so bad it was considered 3rd degree burns.
I can tell you honestly, when I was given Norcos, I said to my husband " I dont think I really need these " Well, I took them. After I did, it seemed the pain was only worse & worse & worse. I was not in that much pain to begin with, but now - Im in pain. Can someone please explain this to me & whats happening after you withdrawl? Will the pain go away ? Is my mind playing tricks on me. I dont understand how I can go from NO pain & doing some yard work to this. It is like 0-60 -- ??????? I just dont want to have to take any pain meds. I have had injections done in my back - no help. I dont know what to do.
I just hurt ALL over! No energy , no nothing!
I feel so confused. is this all in my head ?
Again, thank you all for being so kind.
I have a question ? Its really weird & I dont understand whats going on with me. Last Sunday I felt really good - had lots of energy. Worked out in the yard and had NO pain - I did take an advil.
I was shocked I wasnt in pain and even more surprised the day after I had no pain.
Now, for the past 5 days I have been in so much pain. My mid & low back wont quit hurting. Friday night was so bad it was making me want to throw up the pain was so bad. My stomach is hurting & it feels related to my back, but maybe not. Sometimes I feel like its my kidneys ? Or My back hurts so bad its upsetting my stomach ? but the stomach problems are off the charts .... My eyes are puffy with dark circles under them. I have been getting some sleep - enough not to look like a zombie, I think.
I am beyond exhausted. NO energy, no nothing. I feel so weak. I do not have eough energy to stand in the shower!!
I feel emotionaly drained.Emotionally i feel weird!
Physically HURT. I do have back problems - and I am so scared that if this pain keeps happening I wont be able to live like this. I cant stay in a state of pain all the time. Does this go away ? Whats happening ? How can I go from no pain, to this much pain ( i would rate a 10 on pain scale ) Im so confused. My mind feels scattered.... cant think, cant concentrate. Can someone tell me what happens after you withdrawl ? What happens next ? What is happening ? Is this part of it ? Is this pain real ? feels real. I dont know what think, dont know what to do. Im very confused.
I do have back problems - I was rearened by a drunk driver while stopped at a red light - I was on a motorcycle - he hit me square in the back with his F250 truck and he never hit his brakes . Thats my 2nd wreck at that!! The first one I was air cared downtown - almost died. Slid and flew in the air for about 600ft - woke up with tubes down my throat and roadrash was so bad it was considered 3rd degree burns.
I can tell you honestly, when I was given Norcos, I said to my husband " I dont think I really need these " Well, I took them. After I did, it seemed the pain was only worse & worse & worse. I was not in that much pain to begin with, but now - Im in pain. Can someone please explain this to me & whats happening after you withdrawl? Will the pain go away ? Is my mind playing tricks on me. I dont understand how I can go from NO pain & doing some yard work to this. It is like 0-60 -- ??????? I just dont want to have to take any pain meds. I have had injections done in my back - no help. I dont know what to do.
I just hurt ALL over! No energy , no nothing!
I feel so confused. is this all in my head ?
Again, thank you all for being so kind.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
I think it's just part of the withdrawal from years of Norco abuse. It will get better and try not to think too much. Keep your mind busy like watch tv or something that does not make you think about everything around you. Good luck!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Heartsmiles,
I listen to Eckhart Tolle tapes, watch his DVDs and this helps me a lot. Something in the BB book about how little control we have over over people and that we can't stage manage others, it won't work. Perhaps Sapling can give the exact quote, when I read that the penny dropped for me.
I can hear your frustration and suffering go deeper into it.
Love
caiHong
I listen to Eckhart Tolle tapes, watch his DVDs and this helps me a lot. Something in the BB book about how little control we have over over people and that we can't stage manage others, it won't work. Perhaps Sapling can give the exact quote, when I read that the penny dropped for me.
I can hear your frustration and suffering go deeper into it.
Love
caiHong
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 25
I appreciate that very much. I have never heard of him, but I did google him and I will see if I can find anything (for free) on the web. I think the worst part about this is being awake all the time. Sleeping - I didnt have to deal with all this. I keep finding "the worst part(s)" but in my heart of heart I know what is eating at me and its the death of my father. I am so hurt. Its a long story & do not want to bore anyone with my "story" I keep playing in my head. The days seem so long. Its almost like I can hear the clock tick tock - tick tock - its a very llonely existance im living. Im so depressed and filled with anxiety. I have noone. Being so alone - I do not see the point in my life. No purpose. No direction. I am suffering - suffering, suffer, suffered.
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I do see a Psychiatrist - For anxiety, depression and for this aswell. I have Panic disorder with agoraphobia so its REALLY hard to go anywhere, espically alone. I can not even imagine going to an NA meeting. I have really bad bad anxiety/panic. It has been " resistant " to treatment.
I do have a great doctor. I feel like she is the only one who gives a crap. I mean, she can only do so much - It has to come from somewhere within me -- where it is, Im looking. I do not know how I came to be this shell of a person.
I do have a great doctor. I feel like she is the only one who gives a crap. I mean, she can only do so much - It has to come from somewhere within me -- where it is, Im looking. I do not know how I came to be this shell of a person.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Would you be open to calling your NA Intergroup and having someone come out and talk with you?...Maybe go to a meeting with you?...You have to start somewhere...I spent my last couple years drinking and isolating...I think for me the isolation was harder to take than the drinking.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Heartsmiles,
I don't know much about coming off pills, so no help there. I think Dee's suggestion of seeing a doctor who is experienced in addiction would be a good idea. I really wanted to say hi and you are not alone in this we are all here for each other.
Love
CaiHong
I don't know much about coming off pills, so no help there. I think Dee's suggestion of seeing a doctor who is experienced in addiction would be a good idea. I really wanted to say hi and you are not alone in this we are all here for each other.
Love
CaiHong
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I'm sorry for your anxiety and your agrophobia.
I hope you and your doctor can keep working at that.
I think recovery can only help that, too
I hope you'll keep checking in here too heartsmiles
I know there's online NA meetings and online SMART meetings too - if you think either of those is your thing, that might be another thing to consider?
Rational Recovery has no meetings at all - just a book.
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach- lots of info there
D
I hope you and your doctor can keep working at that.
I think recovery can only help that, too
I hope you'll keep checking in here too heartsmiles
I know there's online NA meetings and online SMART meetings too - if you think either of those is your thing, that might be another thing to consider?
Rational Recovery has no meetings at all - just a book.
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach- lots of info there
D
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 25
You guys are so nice. I cant tell you how that feels for me.
I would be open to online meetings - I do not know what SMART meetings are ?
Thank you all for caring and letting me know I am not alone...... just hearing that makes me feel better. No one has said that to me, ever.
A million thank you's. Isolation is the worst.
I do have so much to be thankful for and I hate that Im in this situation.
I am 36 yrs old & its hard for me to think how little I have done with my life. Feels like my feet are in cement. You all are so very nice and welcoming and I thank you for that.
I would be open to online meetings - I do not know what SMART meetings are ?
Thank you all for caring and letting me know I am not alone...... just hearing that makes me feel better. No one has said that to me, ever.
A million thank you's. Isolation is the worst.
I do have so much to be thankful for and I hate that Im in this situation.
I am 36 yrs old & its hard for me to think how little I have done with my life. Feels like my feet are in cement. You all are so very nice and welcoming and I thank you for that.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
They do online AA meetings here...
AAOnline.net--Realtime Open AA Meetings on the Internet
And this site is loaded with great AA and NA speakers...Great stuff. This should keep you busy....Spend some time here...There is also a substance abuse forum here...Keep busy and don't pick up.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
AAOnline.net--Realtime Open AA Meetings on the Internet
And this site is loaded with great AA and NA speakers...Great stuff. This should keep you busy....Spend some time here...There is also a substance abuse forum here...Keep busy and don't pick up.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
SMARTs a non 12 step recovery programme
Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
Dl
Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
Dl
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