artsoul

I think most alcoholics have social anxiety (maybe most people do too). Drinking to get rid of it doesn't really work in the long run, though - it just makes it worse because it reinforces our fear that we can't function without it.

Anytime we do something for the first time without drinking, it's going to feel strange..... the first weekend, the first Christmas, whatever. Just getting to know ourselves take time. I think if something jeopardizes your sobriety, you might be expecting too much of yourself right now.... it might be better to break it down into smaller steps, get used to socializing with friends for a while.....(?)

MalkavianEmily

Find a meeting
I had a quick look, I'm not sure quite where you are but there's meetings in Newcastle, Middlesbrough, probably going to be one where you are.

I mean, if someone out in the wilds of Derbyshire can find two meetings within walking distance...
Hang in there. And don't give up. You're worth it.

regeneration

Nigel, I'd check out meetings. The meeting I went to in the north east was very, very friendly. I had a list of numbers and about 4 different women come up to me, camped out next to me at the break and talk to me (this did not happen in London.. though I've had hugs and support since.. which is nice when you're struggling).

I think you'd be surprised. I always thought of myself as socially anxious but it was really lovely.

Or if not, what about SMART recovery or drop-in centres? London has them, north east might have some? I know that getting rehab for booze can be hard but there should be some group support.

If you ring AA someone will come with you to a meeting:0845 769 7555

Or ring Drinkline (think I called them before about drop-in centres) Drinkline: 0800 917 8282. I've also looked at this site before Alcohol services | Alcohol Concern

Good luck. And I can't date.. the thought scares me to death at moment even after 3 months.. will do it later.

ACT10Npack

If you decide to go on a second date, try to go somewhere they don't sell alcohol. That way you will not have the issue again. If you and your date get some what serious then you will need to tell her your problem with alcohol. If alcohol is really important in her life as in enjoying a glass of wine at dinner time then you may not get along that well and will be much harder to stay sober.

hypochondriac

You really are getting a lot of those 'firsts' done early Nigel. You really are putting yourself in vulnerable situations without the booze comfort blanket, cos that is what it is. Why not give yourself a bit of time first and get some coping strategies to help you... Focus on yourself for now. Any dates won't go well if you start drinking because you feel a bit uncomfortable. Hope you're okay x

catlover17

Hi Nigel,

I am in early sobriety like you, not in any kind of programme but have read lots and lots. I would not dream of trying to enter any kind of social situation so early.. but as we need people in life i am beginning to think AA might be useful. Very sceptical but i'm going to give it a try. Nothing to lose..hope you're ok, how do you think England did tonight? I was mostly covering my eyes and whelping in the second half..

Be well..

Catlover

Tattoogirl

Hi Nigel, I'm new here. Only on day ten and got a date tomorrow :/ it'll be my first date sober too but i'm actually really looking forward to meeting someone for coffee knowing that if he's an ass i won't be drunkenly crying in my beer, i can just get up with my car keys and go! And if he's not an ass and i like him i know i won't be waking up with him all hungover and be too ashamed to see him again. We're meeting in starbucks and then going for a walk. If i walk into a bar i know my beast will be roaring xx

endlesspatience

I can relate to what you said about the date but would agree with the other posters who think a meeting is a good idea. I have really made a mess of things several times in relationships by suddenly going on a bender. I know it's a pain not to have a date or a partner but really the madness that goes with the search for romance can send you running straight back to the bottle.

MentalLoop

Nigel - I get the sense you are overwhelmed right now. I know everybody is well intentioned in their advice - and correct in their guidance, but maybe you are not at a point here and now (today) to hear it. I think your idea for a walk is a good one (I run). My suggestion - keep walking and don't stop until you are exhausted. Don't stop until you rationalize the fact that drinking will only perpetuate your problem. The gift of running for me (and walking by extension) - I don't stop until my mind breaks through the log jam. Sometimes its 20 mins, other times its 2 hours. But i don't stop.

Notmyrealname

My advice: Go out for a good long run or hit the gym for some heavy iron meditation before your date. You'll be relaxed and cheery from the endorphins with a nice healthy complexion, a good appetite and you'll be glad to drink water and other non-alcoholic drinks because you'll need to re-hydrate post-workout.

Plus it's a hell of a lot better for you than drinking. And a run only takes, what, a half-hour? The gym is like, 45-60 minutes, right?

Drinking, on the other hand, would take me the better part of two days, and that's not counting withdrawals on the back end.

Someguy23

I've found my dates to be more successful if I let the girl do most of the talking and concentrate instead on making sure that, when I say something, it's either funny or intelligent.

Being disinhibited and chatty can be good in a bar or party setting, but I'm not sure it's necessarily a good thing on a date when you're 1 on 1 with her. I'm also not sure alcohol would have helped your talk to be more intelligent (maybe more funny). Just saying...